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How can i improve my chances of having an Orgasm??

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  • 04-04-2014 2:30pm
    #1
    LG3
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭


    Hi all this is bit embarrassing but i find it impossible to have an orgasm during sex intercourse, i use a vibrator which is great but i have met a guy and each time we've had sex so far i fail to have an orgasm and it seems to really bother him. I really like this guy and would love to be able to share the experience of having an orgasm with him.

    I've never experienced an orgasm with a man before, didn't know what it felt like till i got a Vibrator, i think a lot of women are in the same boat. I have tried some of those gels that are meant to make you more sensitive down there but i just find them to give me a uncomfortable burning sensation.


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    #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Well you could start by calling it an orgasm


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    #3
    GreeBo
    Registered Users Posts: 27,115 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    Does he give you one during foreplay?


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    #4
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    feistywonder - calling a poster out on their spelling/grammar is in breach of boards.ie's rules. Please refrain from doing it again, otherwise infractions will follow.

    OP, I have edited your post to ensure that there are no more responses along these lines.

    Regards,
    Mike


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    #5
    jaja321
    Registered Users Posts: 793 ✭✭✭jaja321


    Maybe start by incorporating your vibrator into your sex life with him? Also maybe more time on foreplay is needed? Have fun trying anyway!


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    #6
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Vibrators can be quite desensitizing so if you get used to using one, manual or oral stimulation can make achieving orgasm that bit more difficult if you've become so conditioned to only having an orgasm by one means. So you have two options really:

    a. Lay off on the vibrator for a while and bring yourself to orgasm though masturbation. The sooner you can do this the better - then you can show your partner what works for you. I think this is something all women should do before even introducing a vibrator into the mix tbh.

    b. You can incorporate the vibrator into your sex life with your partner so to all intents and purposes he can still make you orgasm, just by using the help of a vibrator.


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    #7
    Holsten
    Registered Users Posts: 4,971 ✭✭✭Holsten


    Use the vibrator while having sex.

    Explain to him exactly what works for you, try not to pure too much pressure on yourself.

    You really are responsible for your own orgasm so if you can't figure it out he doesn't have much of a chance.


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    #8
    LG3
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭LG3


    Holsten wrote: »
    Use the vibrator while having sex.

    Explain to him exactly what works for you, try not to pure too much pressure on yourself.

    You really are responsible for your own orgasm so if you can't figure it out he doesn't have much of a chance.

    was hoping there was a easier solution like Viagra or some sort of potion that could work wonders. Dnt really feel too comfortable using Vibrator with someone i've just met.

    Surely there are loads of women in the same boat what do they do??


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    #9
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    LG3 wrote: »
    was hoping there was a easier solution like Viagra or some sort of potion that could work wonders. Dnt really feel too comfortable using Vibrator with someone i've just met.

    Surely there are loads of women in the same boat what do they do??

    If you're comfortable enough to have sex and be intimate with a partner then how come you're not comfortable enough to use toys with them? Not being smart btw, genuine question?

    Are you comfortable discussing sex outside of the bedroom?


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    #10
    LG3
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭LG3


    Tasden wrote: »
    If you're comfortable enough to have sex and be intimate with a partner then how come you're not comfortable enough to use toys with them? Not being smart btw, genuine question?

    Are you comfortable discussing sex outside of the bedroom?

    Have only met this guy, but yeah i feel comfortable talking about sex to a certain degree, have never used a sex toy with someone so early in a relationship.


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    #11
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    LG3 wrote: »
    was hoping there was a easier solution like Viagra or some sort of potion that could work wonders. Dnt really feel too comfortable using Vibrator with someone i've just met.

    Surely there are loads of women in the same boat what do they do??

    They learn how to bring themselves to orgasm. How can you expect a partner to know if you don't know how to do it yourself?


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    #12
    Holsten
    Registered Users Posts: 4,971 ✭✭✭Holsten


    I don't get it.

    You can get naked, have sex with everything that involves yet a little plastic toy is a bit too far? How does that work?

    You think he will think less of you or form some negative opinion?

    From what you say it seems like this is your problem and you're keeping it a problem by not helping yourself.


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP I had the same problem as you. I was only ever able to come with a vibrator and never had an orgasm with a man. Next thing my vibrator broke and I wasn't able to replace it for a while. That was the best thing ever because I had no choice but to figure out how to do it by myself. I sort of knew what I liked from using the vibrator and used the speed and intensity of that as a guide for myself. Next time I felt horny I set to work on myself and got there. I've never bothered replacing that vibrator and I'm having orgasms with men now. There's no point in looking at lotions and potions to solve your problem. Learn how to bring yourself to climax with your own fingers and the rest will follow.


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    #14
    LG3
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭LG3


    Holsten wrote: »
    I don't get it.

    You can get naked, have sex with everything that involves yet a little plastic toy is a bit too far? How does that work?

    You think he will think less of you or form some negative opinion?

    From what you say it seems like this is your problem and you're keeping it a problem by not helping yourself.

    from what i hear some men dont like the idea of using a vibrator during sex, looks like i will have to explore more options


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    #15
    Meauldsegosha
    Registered Users Posts: 7,595 ✭✭✭Meauldsegosha


    Can you make yourself orgasm without a vibrator? Can your boyfriend make you orgasm during foreplay? This is where you need to start OP. Relax and have fun when having sex, show him where you like to be touched so he can turn on. As this is only a new relationship take some time to show each other what you like.


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    #16
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    LG3 wrote: »
    from what i hear some men dont like the idea of using a vibrator during sex, looks like i will have to explore more options

    Ask him HIS views on it. Hes not "some men", he's the man that you're sleeping with and who wants to please you.

    Talk to him.

    Are you able to reach orgasm yourself without a vibrator?


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    #17
    loalae
    Registered Users Posts: 547 ✭✭✭loalae


    Feeling under pressure to have an orgasm during sex is very likely to have the opposite effect!

    His ego is probably a bit put out because he can't bring you to orgasm yet but from what I've read you have only just started being together. It's going to take time for both of you to figure out what works for you as a couple. Relax, tell him to relax, and forget about the orgasm part. Just explore yourself, what you like, how you want to be touched etc, then show him or tell him what you want him to do. It may or may not include a vibrator - nobody here can tell you what works for you!

    I wouldn't see this as a major problem. Learning how to please your partner is a great part of any relationship and it'll take time and practice - enjoy!


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    #18
    LG3
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭LG3


    Tasden wrote: »

    Are you able to reach orgasm yourself without a vibrator?

    No never had a orgasm without a vibrator, been using it for the past 6 years. I've always faked an orgasm before but this guy seems to know if i fake it.


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    #19
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    LG3 wrote: »
    No never had a orgasm without a vibrator, been using it for the past 6 years. I've always faked an orgasm before but this guy seems to know if i fake it.

    Oh good God don't do that, you're just cheating yourself out of the real thing while your partner could think all is well, there's no way back from the lie then!

    You need to get back to basics m'dear and the first thing you should do is get rid of your dildo for now and get familiar with your own body. You already orgasm regularly with a toy so you just need to change the way you go about things slightly, you're already familiar with the sensations and what to expect/how it feels when you're getting close to climax so that's a good start.


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    #20
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Merkin wrote: »
    Oh good God don't do that, you're just cheating yourself out of the real thing while your partner could think all is well, there's no way back from the lie then!

    You need to get back to basics m'dear and the first thing you should do is get rid of your dildo for now and get familiar with your own body. You already orgasm regularly with a toy so you just need to change the way you go about things slightly, you're already familiar with the sensations and what to expect/how it feels when you're getting close to climax so that's a good start.

    This is my advice too. It may take a bit more time but you need to just explore with your hands til you figure it out. Once you know what you like you can teach your guy to do the same or you can do it yourself with him.


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    #21
    TechnicalGroup
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭TechnicalGroup


    LG3 wrote: »
    from what i hear some men dont like the idea of using a vibrator during sex, looks like i will have to explore more options

    This is true. And these are the wrong men for you.

    Seriously, women need to be more assertive in sex. Would you have a problem if a guy asked for oral sex, said sex in a particular position was better for him? Sex is for mutual pleasure, why should you be bashful about wanting pleasure out of it?

    The operators manual for men is about three line long. For women, Volumes I through XXVI are stored on microfiche in a series of warehouses sited on an old military base in Siberia, the rest have not yet been revealed to humanity. Any advice you give will be appreciated by any decent guy, the rest you needn't bother with.

    Have you seen any porn? Watching girls masturbate is a top-rater. Bring your vibrator, show him what gets you off, then ask him to do it for you. Then reward him appropriately. He'll think he has won the sex lottery.

    You can gradually combine what gets you off into actual sex, although many girls never actually orgasm from intercourse - they just don't worry about it because they can combine it with other fun that will give them orgasms.


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