Advice on revelation

LegacyUser

Ok I'm not sure what advice I'm after here, just want to get this out there and see what people think. It's not too bad of a situation....

Ok so i met this lovely girl on a dating website. We got on great from the start, was all very easy. We have lots in common and are looking for the same things in life. We've been on a few nice dates, everything going as you'd want them to.

Last night we were texting and wanting to find out more about her I asked her to tell me something about herself. Didn't get the sort of answer I was expecting!

She told me she was in a 10+ year relationship (this part I knew) that was horrible. Her partner from an early age drank alot. It seemed like an awful relationship for her to be a part of.
After years together he proposed and they got married. She had hoped that once they were married that things would change, but they only got worse. After a few months of marriage she got rid of him and divorce is nearly finalised.

Now my opinion of her as a person hasn't changed one bit and nor should it. That isn't in question. What happened in the past is not a reflection of her.

But the whole being married previously has kinda knocked for six and I'm slightly confused as to how I feel about it.

I know it's not a major thing really but coming from a traditional family upbringing this sort of thing would always have been frowned upon...getting involved with someone who is seperated.

As I said at the start I'm not sure what I'm after....opinions appreciated though.

Btw I'm 34 and shes 32.

Neyite

I'm not getting the vibe that you have a problem with her previous marriage, but that maybe your family might?

In this situation, all that matters is what YOU think. That's all. They can say what they like, but if you are going to bring her into an environment such as your family circle where her previous marital status might be an issue, you should be prepared to defend her choices and tell your family member to butt out. But that is all down the line really, you've only just met.

So all that is important here is, do you like her? Yes? Take it from there then one step at a time.

Chucky the tree

Time to grow up tbh OP. Being married and divorced in this day and age is no big deal at all.

Obliq

PercyPelican wrote: »

I know it's not a major thing really but coming from a traditional family upbringing this sort of thing would always have been frowned upon...getting involved with someone who is seperated.

It's interesting that you had no problem whatsoever about her having been in a 10 year relationship, but once you found out she was married, then you had a problem. And I stress you have a problem with this. These days it's considered totally normal to be separated and in fact is considered hugely preferable to the bad old days where people had to stay married no matter how horrible the marriage.

I'm just a bit surprised that you have clearly never thought outside of the box that your traditional upbringing has you in? In fact, I have to say I don't understand your problem at all.....sorry. I mean, you say "getting involved with someone who is separated" as if it's a bad thing? I think you need to question yourself on your problem with it and focus on whether your (religious?) traditional values can actually hold any water, in this day and age.

username123

Youre 34.

People in their 30s dont come cracked fresh out of an egg into relationships. They have had children, marriages, abortions, STIs, etc...

Alf. A. Male

She's had some knocks, presumably learned a lot, but is happy to try again and you like each other. Sounds perfect, enjoy your new relationship and concentrate on the facts that matter.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

I agree with most of the sentiment to be honest. I think I'm allowing my own opinion to be swayed by how others might view this. I have no problem with anyone being seperated and getting into something with them. Others may not share that viewpoint though.

So saying all that, I do like this girl alot. I'd like to keep seeing her and see where it takes us.

Thanks again all.

meeeeh

sunflower27 wrote: »

I really am struggling to see how in this day and age anyone would be concerned about what people may think of their partner.

You are a grown man. Maybe it is time to man up if you get hassled over her past.

We all want our loved ones to be accepted by our families and friends. It makes things a lot easier. But reality is op that you and your family will have to do some adjusting. As someone said you are at an age when most women yo'll meet will have some kind of a relationship history.

LegacyUser

If you a have met a nice woman who you like why are you worried about your family and friends think?
The majority of people in there early 30's will have lived a life and some times life does not always go to plan.
In your girlfriends case she married a man she was with for a long time.
Rather than stay in a bad marriage where she could have ended up having a child/children she had the courage to end things.

From what you told us she had a hard time. She has moved on with her life and is happy to share this information with you.
Your in your 30's so at this stage you should be prepared to stand up for your girlfriend if you parents or friends make any comments about her.

retro:electro

So what? People have pasts and history. No big deal.

Dixie Chick

I think you have come the the right conclusion OP, and it must be hard for the lady to have told you that as well. If you take heed too much of negative comments people make then you could miss out on a fantastic relationship with a good person and be alone , would they be happier then?