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Keeping it quiet

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  • 01-04-2014 10:37pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been with my partner for 6 years. Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs. My family don't like him and think I can do alot better for myself. His family aren't fond of me either to be honest but I dont care as the feeling is mutual. After Christmas we fell out and we split up for a number of weeks.. But we got things back on track

    Only thing is he hasn't told his family we are back together and it is starting to get to me.

    I'd like to hear peoples opinions on this situation. Should I be annoyed?


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    #2
    ArtyC
    Registered Users Posts: 1,504 ✭✭✭ArtyC


    Sometimes it's hard to go back and tell loved ones things are back on again..... It's almost to keep bad feelings out until things settle again between you too.

    Don't analyses it too much. Just concentrate on your relationship. Not your families


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    #3
    thegreatgonzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭thegreatgonzo


    How long has it been?


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    #4
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Sometimes I think warning signs shouldn't be ignored. You keep breaking up and getting back together - that's not normal.

    Your respective families hate you - that's not normal either.

    What's different about getting back together this time? Have you had counselling or realised what makes your relationship volatile?

    Or are you trying to prove to each other and yourselves that you can make this work and is stubbornness making you ignore the problems?


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    #5
    sammyjo90
    Registered Users Posts: 13,151 ✭✭✭✭sammyjo90


    December2012 wrote: »
    You keep breaking up and getting back together - that's not normal.

    Where does the OP say this has happened more than once?

    If it is on your mind i would talk it out with your partner


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    #6
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    notideal wrote: »
    I've been with my partner for 6 years. Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs. My family don't like him and think I can do alot better for myself. His family aren't fond of me either to be honest but I dont care as the feeling is mutual. After Christmas we fell out and we split up for a number of weeks.. But we got things back on track

    Only thing is he hasn't told his family we are back together and it is starting to get to me.

    I'd like to hear peoples opinions on this situation. Should I be annoyed?


    In all honesty OP I don't think I or any poster can give real opinions on your specific situation without more detail . However generally I see lots of potential red flags in what you have written . ( There may be innocent explanations - I'm just filling in gaps )

    The phrase " like any relationship we have had our ups and downs" is sadly familiar to anyone on this forum . It's almost like you are trying to convince yourself that all relationships are hard work and you shouldn't complain and just accept your lot . Often the poster has actually meant " we have lurched from one crisis to the next with very little respite inbetween ".

    Your family don't like him you say and feel you could do a lot better . Well I'm guessing that's maybe five people ? And then you say his family is the same - so now that' maybe ten people all together - all telling you shouldn't be together after six years . OP if that many people can agree on a verdict in a court you would be found guilty ! My point is it can't be ignored . Yes maybe one parent on one side can be a bigot or totally unreasonable but all of them ? Up to ten people ?? No, There's a real reason for their concern and you both need to address it .

    Perhaps most worrying is the fact that you say you don't care if his family don't like you as the feeling is mutual . If that's true (and I have some doubts) you are putting your bf and hence your whole relationship under strain because he does clearly care what his family think . That's the reason he's not telling them about the fact that you are back together .

    In a nutshell OP I think there must be genuine reasons why both families have a problem with you two together . I also suspect both families have been brought into many "ups and downs" over the last six years . I'm not asking you to tell us about them- that's your business but if I'm right and you and your fella want to keep a relationship then you'll have so sort Your own problems out yourselves . You'll also have to each tell your families (1) you are back together and (2) you won't involve them in the relationship . Could that be done ?


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