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should i phone him

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  • 01-04-2014 6:18pm
    #1
    tina4t
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭


    Hi All i met this guy on-line and on our 1st date we really hit it off, before we kissed i felt like i'd known him for ages, which has never happened to me before. We decided to meet again, but wasn't the normal date for me as he's very busy with work he suggested we meet in a hotel which at 1st i wasn't taken by that idea but i decided i also wanted to sleep with him so it happeded, and we did the same for the next 3 dates.

    He us to text me several times every day but after the 3rd he hardly text me at all and after the 4th date he hasn't text me at all so far. I got the feeling that he's very paranoid in the bedroom department and wasn't too happy because i didn't have a org and he felt its the way he didn't turn me on, which i told him he's great in bed.
    He was dating someone for a year before me and she didn't want sex before marriage, she was about 12 yrs younger than him.

    normally i would walk away but i really like this guy and i feel we have so much in common and come from the same background (Farming) , and similar interests. I think we started things the wrong way around. Should i ring him or walk away?


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    #2
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    I dunno. Call him if you want to but to be honest, it sounds like he just wanted sex and is ignoring you now that he's had his fill. Nothing wrong with sex early on if ye both want it, but I personally wwouldn't call. I'd drop him a text and leave it at that.


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    #3
    Audrey34
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭Audrey34


    tina4t wrote: »
    Hi All i met this guy on-line and on our 1st date we really hit it off, before we kissed i felt like i'd known him for ages, which has never happened to me before. We decided to meet again, but wasn't the normal date for me as he's very busy with work he suggested we meet in a hotel which at 1st i wasn't taken by that idea but i decided i also wanted to sleep with him so it happeded, and we did the same for the next 3 dates.

    He us to text me several times every day but after the 3rd he hardly text me at all and after the 4th date he hasn't text me at all so far. I got the feeling that he's very paranoid in the bedroom department and wasn't too happy because i didn't have a org and he felt its the way he didn't turn me on, which i told him he's great in bed.

    normally i would walk away but i really like this guy and i feel we have so much in common and come from the same background (Farming) , and similar interests. I think we started things the wrong way around. Should i ring him or walk away?


    Give him another chance before you decide to walk away. Meet somewhere other than a hotel...quiet bar; go bowling; do something fun and where the emphasis isn't on having sex at the end of the date. Chat to him, tell him your concerns and give him a chance to explain himself.
    If he's just been using you to 'get his bit', you'll find out soon enuf
    If he's genuinely interested he'll want to meet up and give things a proper shot

    Good luck :-)


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    #4
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    tina4t wrote: »
    We decided to meet again, but wasn't the normal date for me as he's very busy with work he suggested we meet in a hotel

    What on earth has being busy at work got to do with meeting at a hotel?:confused:

    It's quite obvious this guy wanted the ride, you happily agreed on a number of occasions, and that's it. If he wanted to be your boyfriend he wouldn't have suggested a ride in a hotel for a second date. Given that you actually like the guy and the fact he's no longer keen, I'd just delete his number as it seems this was only ever going to be a casual hook up for him.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Woah he sounds very dodge being honest OP. This meeting in a hotel room yarn sounds really suss. This guy was/is practically a stranger. Suggesting to meet someone in a hotel room for a second "date" is quite frankly just plain wierd tbh. Why not invite you to his house/suggest going to yours instead?! I'd be very very weary that this guy has at least a longterm girlfriend or is married, a far more likely scenario for wanting to meet secretly in a hotel than being busy at work ( how does that even make sense?!)

    I'd forget about this guy OP he sounds like he was just out for the ride/bored of his wife/gf and has moved on to his next target. This will sound harsh but you sound a little guillible OP if im being honest. Don't get me wrong online dating is great met my own bf online but it's full of married men, men looking for easy sex, people preying on the lonely/vulnerable, it takes two minutes to set up an account, these men could be anyone, it is beyond dangerous meeting a virtual stranger in a hotel room after one date (and yes I know that the same could be said for meeting a randomer in a club and going back ton his place) but perhaps be a little more careful in future OP.

    Again online dating is great but your ability to be a good judge of character has got to be pretty much spot on, you have to be able to take your emotion out of it and judge people on these sites by their actions not words. Delete his number OP and thank your lucky stars that you dodged a bullet, I'd wager there's a lot of unsavoury aspects to this guy you don't know about.


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    #6
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    tina4t wrote: »
    He was dating someone for a year before me and she didn't want sex before marriage, she was about 12 yrs younger than him

    I think he could still be dating her but he's going online to meet women for sex because she doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
    tina4t wrote: »
    normally i would walk away but i really like this guy and i feel we have so much in common and come from the same background (Farming) , and similar interests. I think we started things the wrong way around. Should i ring him or walk away?

    It's unlikely he'll get in touch with you again. He'll probably move onto the next victim and have sex with her a few times before discarding her the way he's discarded you.

    Forget him.


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    #7
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    If he was interested he would be texting you and coming up with something different than a hotel bedroom scene. Forget him and don't contact him. The writing is on the wall that he has lost interest, sorry OP. All you will achieve by contacting him is another slap in the face. Keep your dignity and do not contact him.


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    #8
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    Fair play to him for being able to suggest to a girl we meet in a hotel on second date :) I know i wouldn't do it as 99% of girls would tell you where to go!


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    #9
    tina4t
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭tina4t


    Lol true i know, i normally would never do anything like that,


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    #10
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    tina4t wrote: »
    Lol true i know, i normally would never do anything like that,

    I know loads of women who would, and there's no shame in it. If you want it, why not?

    That said, I think the lack of contact has shown a lack of interest. Have you contacted him at all?


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    #11
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    green_screen wrote: »
    I know loads of women who would, and there's no shame in it. If you want it, why not?

    There's no shame in it as long as both parties are honest about what they want from the start. This guy didn't make himself clear and misled the OP.
    green_screen wrote: »
    That said, I think the lack of contact has shown a lack of interest. Have you contacted him at all?

    I wouldn't contact him. If he's interested he will contact her like he did before.


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    #12
    tina4t
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭tina4t


    Hi Emme i sent him a text on sunday no reply, the same thing happened the previous week where i texted him and then didnt hear from him for a week,. must be me as the same thing has happened to me before, where i was seeing a guy for a few mts everything going great and he suddenly stopped contact, as if he disappeared from the face of the earth.


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    #13
    heretochat
    Registered Users Posts: 533 ✭✭✭heretochat


    As someone else said, it would be odd in my opinion for a guy on a second date to insist on a hotel meet and claim to have been "busy in work".

    Sounds to me like he is attached, cast the net out there and caught the OP.

    Now that he got what he was looking for, he has moved on.. And I would suggest the OP do likewise..


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    #14
    Alf. A. Male
    Closed Accounts Posts: 740 ✭✭✭Alf. A. Male


    He sounds married to me. Think you're well rid of him.


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    #15
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Delete his number hon, he's not interested. If he contacts you again, don't bother.


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    #16
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    tina4t wrote: »
    Hi Emme i sent him a text on sunday no reply, the same thing happened the previous week where i texted him and then didnt hear from him for a week,. must be me as the same thing has happened to me before, where i was seeing a guy for a few mts everything going great and he suddenly stopped contact, as if he disappeared from the face of the earth.

    If he hasn't bothered replying for three days, don't call him. Just delete his number and forget him.

    I doubt it's you. There are messers both on and offline. Two isn't enough to be doubting yourself. Keep doing what you're doing and try to relax and enjoy it :)


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    #17
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    green_screen wrote: »
    I know loads of women who would, and there's no shame in it. If you want it, why not?

    That said, I think the lack of contact has shown a lack of interest. Have you contacted him at all?

    Agreed but the hotel thing would set off alarm bells with 90% of people.


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    #18
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    irishguy1983 wrote: »
    Agreed but the hotel thing would set off alarm bells with 90% of people.

    I'm not disagreeing at all, but it sounded like the op was trying to justify herself by saying she doesn't usually do that, and I don't think she needs to justify herself to anyone. :)


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    #19
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    green_screen wrote: »
    I'm not disagreeing at all, but it sounded like the op was trying to justify herself by saying she doesn't usually do that, and I don't think she needs to justify herself to anyone. :)

    I agreed with you the first time and I am agreeing with you again :)


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    #20
    Payton
    Registered Users Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭Payton


    As posters have said it should have been a red flag issue as he seems to have spun you all sorts of stories, you fell for it and you are where you are but don't beat yourself up over it just learn from it.
    Firstly you should go and get yourself checked out in an STD clinic as this seems to be this guys MO as in meets with vulnerable women.

    As dating sites are good from what I hear but like everything else there are the few that slip through the net and are just out for the one thing and put doubt into peoples minds. Hes got what he wants and is now looking for a new woman.

    Don't ring him, don't text him, block him if you can as he may just try and contact you if he is looking for a "Meet".


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    #21
    Obliq
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,371 ✭✭✭Obliq


    tina4t wrote: »
    Hi Emme i sent him a text on sunday no reply, the same thing happened the previous week where i texted him and then didnt hear from him for a week,. must be me as the same thing has happened to me before, where i was seeing a guy for a few mts everything going great and he suddenly stopped contact, as if he disappeared from the face of the earth.

    There's nothing strange about it OP - you both wanted sex, you went for it and now he's moved on. It is risky meeting someone you hardly know in a place where you're not known, also risky if you have left yourself vulnerable to STD's. I will say though that if you're actually looking for a more meaningful and longer lasting experience, then get to know someone in more ways than just physically.

    Now you've been burned a few times, maybe try and value yourself a bit more - and I don't mean that no-strings sex is valueless, but if you're after a relationship, that will only come if you set yourself some higher standards for what you need in a fella.


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    #22
    tina4t
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭tina4t


    Luckily we did use a condom, thank you to each and everyone for all your helpful advice :)


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    #23
    Payton
    Registered Users Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭Payton


    tina4t wrote: »
    Luckily we did use a condom, thank you to each and everyone for all your helpful advice :)

    Very flipent remark! Condoms are not 100% safe, for piece of mind get checked out.


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    #24
    jimd2
    Registered Users Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    tina4t wrote: »
    Hi All i met this guy on-line and on our 1st date we really hit it off, before we kissed i felt like i'd known him for ages, which has never happened to me before. We decided to meet again, but wasn't the normal date for me as he's very busy with work he suggested we meet in a hotel which at 1st i wasn't taken by that idea but i decided i also wanted to sleep with him so it happeded, and we did the same for the next 3 dates.

    He us to text me several times every day but after the 3rd he hardly text me at all and after the 4th date he hasn't text me at all so far. I got the feeling that he's very paranoid in the bedroom department and wasn't too happy because i didn't have a org and he felt its the way he didn't turn me on, which i told him he's great in bed.
    He was dating someone for a year before me and she didn't want sex before marriage, she was about 12 yrs younger than him.

    normally i would walk away but i really like this guy and i feel we have so much in common and come from the same background (Farming) , and similar interests. I think we started things the wrong way around. Should i ring him or walk away?

    Basically you had 3 one night stands with the guy. He has made very little effort to get to know you or so it seems though something within you has found a connection with him.

    My opinion is that he was extremely arrogant and presumptive to suggest a hotel meet up after only one date but he took a chance and it paid off.

    Did he ever explain why the meetups had to be in a hotel, is he living with parents?

    You are better off to be well rid of him. However, a phone call to him in the evening time might answer a few questions as to why he has gone off the radar. After all, you have been intimate with him a few times and have been in touch on and off for a while so the least that he owes you is an explanation.


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    #25
    tina4t
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭tina4t


    No he's not living with his parents, he's a dairy farmer and has cows calving frequently till May. he explained he didnt have much time overall and would be only to meetup every few weeks at this time of the year. he did say towards the end of the 1st date that he would like to have wild sex with me, which i wasnt expecting.


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    #26
    jimd2
    Registered Users Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    He said that he was up for wild sex but you said before the next "date" that you were up for it too so you can't really put the blame all on him. He didn't coerce you into bed.

    What is strange is that there was no suggestion from him to go to either place. Farmers are notoriously tight and don't want to spend money if they don't have to though I could be termed as judgemental there. Perhaps ye live a long distance from each other or he might not like locals seeing a strange woman leaving his house in the morning. If that was the case all the more reason for developing a relationship with you first.

    Anyway, he can't be criticised for making unfulfilled promises to you definitely knew what he was looking for after the first date. I think that you don't have anything to lose by nailing him with a phone call at a time that he should be free, i.e. about 9pm in the evening. What you do after that is up to you.


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    #27
    Alf. A. Male
    Closed Accounts Posts: 740 ✭✭✭Alf. A. Male


    tina4t wrote: »
    No he's not living with his parents, he's a dairy farmer and has cows calving frequently till May. he explained he didnt have much time overall and would be only to meetup every few weeks at this time of the year. he did say towards the end of the 1st date that he would like to have wild sex with me, which i wasnt expecting.

    I still fail to see how being busy means he has to take you to a hotel. And while I know nothing about calving, I would have thought it unpredictable, meaning that scheduling to meet at a hotel would be nigh on impossible, one of you going to the other's home making far more sense. To be honest, I think you were sold a pup and he's in a relationship, so you were conned into it.


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    #28
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    tina4t wrote: »
    No he's not living with his parents, he's a dairy farmer and has cows calving frequently till May. he explained he didnt have much time overall and would be only to meetup every few weeks at this time of the year. he did say towards the end of the 1st date that he would like to have wild sex with me, which i wasnt expecting.

    How do you know he's not living with his parents when he didn't take you home?

    He could well be living with his parents and still dating the girl who doesn't want sex before marriage. Some farmers are very old fashioned and still believe in the double standard - i.e. a man can screw around but the woman he marries has to be a virgin.

    Or else he's married and looking for a bit on the side.

    Did he spend the whole night in the hotel or just a few hours? Who paid for the hotel when you met? I agree with the poster who said that some farmers can be very tight. I am a farmers daughter so I know what I am talking about.

    You were trusting and unfortunate and if you continue with online dating you'll have to be more careful. Even if you're only looking for hookups you have to be sure the other person is safe and clean.

    If you're looking for a relationship state this on your profile. Don't go beyond a brief kiss on the first date if that, and don't sleep with anyone until you're sure they're genuine. That could take 10 dates or more. Good luck.


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    #29
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    tina4t wrote: »
    No he's not living with his parents, he's a dairy farmer and has cows calving frequently till May. he explained he didnt have much time overall and would be only to meetup every few weeks at this time of the year. he did say towards the end of the 1st date that he would like to have wild sex with me, which i wasnt expecting.

    Who is this guy???????!!!


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    #30
    Colonel_McCoy
    Registered Users Posts: 751 ✭✭✭Colonel_McCoy


    I think he is married


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    #31
    tina4t
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭tina4t


    There is just under an hours drive between us, he insisted on paying the first 2 times we went halves the 3rd time. He stayed the nite, as time goes on i'm already forgetting about him.

    Don't know about him being married as he had his pic up on public view on his profile, surely if he was married he wouldn't take a chance like that.


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