Stuck in Limbo Land with relationship!!!

DollupDaily

Hi!!!

Ok I hope this makes sense.

When I first met my ex/boyfriend/ friend I don't really know what to call him, he was going to Oz we decided to stay in contact. We also decided then to have a relationship while he was in oz. Seven months later he came home for us. We are good together we have our rows like every other relationship but we get over them.
From a young age he always had a lot of responsibility placed on him and had no choice in the matter. I think he is only starting to come to terms with all of that and to be blunt he doesn't know his head from his arse!
Every weekend I hear a different story about what he wants to do with his life, it is mainly career wise.
But last weekend he broke up with me, he said he couldn't be in a relationship right now for his own mental state but that he still loved me and he wanted to be an individual again.
I was heart broken. I met him Sunday and he said he didn't want me out of his life, he loved me and loved seeing me, but just couldn't do a relationship right now and needed head space.
We made an agreement that we would start from scratch again, I agreed to give him head space. We decided we would meet up at weekends go to the cinema or dinner or just hang out and in a couple of months see how it goes.
I love this guy to bits and he knows that, I don't want him out of my life and I would be happy if I was with him still in a couple of years.

My question is was I silly agreeing to all this, and what do ye think I should have done????

Sorry its so long. Thanks a mill

Tokyo

To be honest OP, after that amount of time together, you're either all in, or all out, and it sounds like your boyfriend hasn't a clue which side of the fence he wants to be on, to he's planted himself squarely in the middle.

I'm not even sure what you mean when you say We made an agreement that we would start from scratch again, I agreed to give him head space" - you can't just press the reset button on a year together, and either way, I'm not sure what either of you think that's going to achieve. It's not going to make his indecisiveness go away, nor is it magically going to make him able to "do a relationship now".

He doesn't want a relationship with you - he's admitted that to you - but he does want you around, simply because it's much easier for him than being alone. In other words, all of the benefits of a relationship, with none of the defecits. And he'll happily keep you in limbo as long as you're willing to give him what he wants. You deserve better than that - everybody does. Move on - find someone who will actually treat you like a girlfriend.

Eeden

My feeling is that you have nothing to gain from this arrangement. You only get insecurity, and you have to put your life on hold while he figures his life out. It's really not fair of him to ask this of you.

strobe

How long did you know him before he left the country? How long has he been back from Australia? Who's idea was the "let's start fresh and we'll see in a couple of months" thing?

This is pure speculation obviously, so take it with a pinch of salt. But it sounds potentially like when he broke up with you, you took it really badly, were really upset, so he misguidedly tried to soften the blow by going down the whole, "its not you, its me, I think you're amazing, I still want to see you all the time' road and eventually buckling under the pressure or your distress and agreeing to or suggesting the whole 'trial period with space' thing to try and ease out of the relationship instead in the hope it'd be easier on you than an outright break up and you wouldn't take it so bad.

ash23

he said he didn't want me out of his life, he loved me and loved seeing me, but just couldn't do a relationship right now and needed head space.

A guy said this to me about a year ago (we had been together for a year).

Long and short of it, a year later, we no longer see each other and he is with someone else (as am I).

In my opinion that is guilt talking. People say a lot of stuff when they are breaking up with you, to make themselves feel better and they also probably believe that it makes it easier for you.

But when one person wants more, it's not going to work. You want more. You will end up hurt.

Merkin

DollupDaily wrote: »

But last weekend he broke up with me, he said he couldn't be in a relationship right now for his own mental state but that he still loved me and he wanted to be an individual again.
I was heart broken. I met him Sunday and he said he didn't want me out of his life, he loved me and loved seeing me, but just couldn't do a relationship right now and needed head space.
We made an agreement that we would start from scratch again

This is a total contradiction in terms. He broke up with you and I suspect that by you failing to accept that and wanting to meet on Sunday, he has agreed to see you from time to time to placate you.

All you need to know is that he said he wants to be on his own so meeting up and hanging out and probably sleeping together is just silly, you're going to drag the arse out of a breakup and make it ultimately a lot more painful than it needs to be. Instead you should cut contact, accept that it is over and lick your wounds as opposed to protracting the break up and wasting time on something that is not going to work.

stargazer 68

DollupDaily wrote: »

Hi!!!

But last weekend he broke up with me, he said he couldn't be in a relationship right now for his own mental state but that he still loved me and he wanted to be an individual again.
I was heart broken. I met him Sunday and he said he didn't want me out of his life, he loved me and loved seeing me, but just couldn't do a relationship right now and needed head space.

Sorry OP but I have to agree with what others have said. He loves you and loves seeing you but doesn't want to be with you. He is either trying to have his cake and eat it or trying to make you feel better.

MugMugs

When people dump their partner they generally get this feeling of guilt. That can be offset with the whole "Lets be friends" thing.

It's also a good fall back if they don't meet anybody else.

The crux of the matter is that you're in this, he isn't. For your sake, you need to tell him, have all of me or none of me. If he can't do that then cut ties and walk away.