Got into Trouble, Feel Terrible

LegacyUser

Hi everybody,

I'm 20, in my second year of college and have social anxiety.

Ever since I was little, I've found that if I get into trouble it really affects me. Sometimes I can just brush it off, but about 98% of the time I can't. I feel really upset, down and sad inside. I want to just cry instantly and often do, which is embarrassing in most situations. I feel like I've really disappointed everyone. I go burning red and want to just hide from the world because I'm so embarrassed that I got into trouble, especially if other people know about it.

For example on Friday, I was a bit hyper in a class. I'm a bit of a hyper person anyway, but I was basically wired and so giddy (just one of those moods, you know?). I just wanted to chat, dance, sing, laugh, jump, move. I couldn't sit still. My lecturer pulled me aside afterwards to say that in future they wanted me to chill a bit more because how much I was fidgeting, talking (we were working on computers, so we're allowed some small talk) and just generally was acting was pretty unacceptable. It really knocked me more than it should have. I had to rush to the bathroom and really fight back tears. Even thinking about it I've gone totally red and so disappointed and embarrassed about it. I don't even want to go back to the class because I feel so ashamed that I was in trouble. I want to hide from the world and never show my face again.

I don't know how to get past feeling like this. I feel so terrible every single time I'm in trouble. I don't get into trouble often, but I still want to stop feeling like this.

Ave Sodalis

OP,
I can understand your situation perfectly, being much the same myself. Getting into trouble usually upsets me (unless I purposely put myself in trouble as I'm also one to not let injustice slide very often), and depending on how the person reacts, can leave me almost panicking about it for weeks afterwards. I hate the feeling of making a mistake, it's almost like a phobia of mine and then to get in trouble for doing something wrong will leave me reeling for ages. Something like the situation you described would make it difficult for me to go back to that class and I certainly wouldn't contribute to it for a long time, if ever. Even admitting it is difficult for me as in my case, it's not due to social anxiety but to horrid self confidence from years of obvious bullying and not so obvious bullying. In fact, I only realised how horribly undermining some of the comments one of my "friends" have been making to me are, recently.
I got rid of that for a long time, by sticking myself into situations like that and learning to deal with them that way and it did work. However, due to my current job, I'm slipping back into it as part of a host of other confidence issues that are rearing their ugly head again. I would go to talk to a professional, OP. They are trained to deal with it and would probably have done many cases. I know it's a very fixable problem, you just need to take the steps to fix it

R.D. aka MR.D

I agree that you should get some help with your confidence/anxiety issues.

I mean this in the kindest way possible: other people's worlds don't revolve around you. The lecturer didn't give the incident another thought once the moment passed. He/she probably went to his/her next class or to his/her office and thought about work or his/her own personal life. He/She had to pull you up on unacceptable behaviour and it's probably something they deal with all the time.

I'm a teacher of kids and adults and I give out to some one at least once a day. It's part of the job but i don't think about it after or hold it against the kid/person. I usually don't even remember it the next time i see them unless it's a reoccurring problem and I need to take more serious steps to deal with it.

So don't skip the class because you are doing yourself a disservice. This is only a big deal to you. A professional can give you the tools to learn to not let such unimportant things bother you like this.

Lollipops23

OP I am exactly the same as you- on the face of it I'm totally self assured and confident, but the reality couldn't be further from the truth. Stuff like what you described would put me in an anxiety spin for hours!

I would recommend speaking to someone about it, we shouldn't have to live our lives like that!

Teyla Emmagan

notatroublemakerreally wrote: »

For example on Friday, I was a bit hyper in a class. I'm a bit of a hyper person anyway, but I was basically wired and so giddy (just one of those moods, you know?). I just wanted to chat, dance, sing, laugh, jump, move. I couldn't sit still. My lecturer pulled me aside afterwards to say that in future they wanted me to chill a bit more because how much I was fidgeting, talking (we were working on computers, so we're allowed some small talk) and just generally was acting was pretty unacceptable. It really knocked me more than it should have. I had to rush to the bathroom and really fight back tears.

Well you were behaving very childishly, and had to be reprimanded. You were lucky your lecturer didn't do it in front of the whole room (I probably would have if you were being that giddy). So learn from the experience and tone it down. Then you won't get in 'trouble' and won't have to worry about it again.

Ave Sodalis

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I agree that you should get some help with your confidence/anxiety issues.

I mean this in the kindest way possible: other people's worlds don't revolve around you. The lecturer didn't give the incident another thought once the moment past. He/she probably went to his/her next class or to his/her office and thought about work or his/her own personal life. He/She had to pull you up on unacceptable behaviour and it's probably something they deal with all the time.

I'm a teacher of kids and adults and I give out to some one at least once a day. It's part of the job but i don't think about it after or hold it against the kid/person. I usually don't even remember it the next time i see them unless it's a reoccurring problem and I need to take more serious steps to deal with it.

So don't skip the class because you are doing yourself a disservice. This is only a big deal to you. A professional can give you the tools to learn to not let such unimportant things bother you like this.

The biggest problem I think, without getting the OPs side on this yet, is that this is already known. People who panic when getting given out to already know that the person given out has stopped thinking about it, and know that continuing to panic is pointless. This actually makes it worse, especially in a case like mine where it's confidence issues. You're just left feeling like a bigger fool and beating yourself up over it even more.

Ave Sodalis

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Well you were behaving very childishly, and had to be reprimanded. You were lucky your lecturer didn't do it in front of the whole room (I probably would have if you were being that giddy). So learn from the experience and tone it down. Then you won't get in 'trouble' and won't have to worry about it again.

Reprimanding the OP in front of the whole class would have had adversive effects. You would be very lucky if the OP would ever come back.
I don't think the OPs problem is this one incident. From what I gather, they are looking for advice in general and telling them to just not get in trouble won't work too well as often, they try to avoid it as much as possible and it can become consuming.
I think the only thing you really can do is talk to someone OP

Lollipops23

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Well you were behaving very childishly, and had to be reprimanded. You were lucky your lecturer didn't do it in front of the whole room (I probably would have if you were being that giddy). So learn from the experience and tone it down. Then you won't get in 'trouble' and won't have to worry about it again.

Wow, and you've obviously never gotten carried away messing about. The OP is looking for advice in dealing with anxiety and confrontation.

LegacyUser

I am exactly the same, OP. I'm only recently realising that it's part of social anxiety to go over and over and over situations in your head and blow things way out of proportion. I thought I'd gotten over my social anxiety because I'd stopped being 'shy' but now I realise that my social anxiety often manifests itself as being a little bit loud and obnoxious. Like you, I'm mortified if someone says something and go over it so much. So it's not just you.

LegacyUser

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Well you were behaving very childishly, and had to be reprimanded. You were lucky your lecturer didn't do it in front of the whole room (I probably would have if you were being that giddy).

Why are you telling the OP something she already knows?
And also, in a thread where the OP is posting in Personal Issues about how even a small reprimanding causes her extreme stress do you go on to reprimand her even further? You're not her lecturer, she's asking for advice on how to deal with anxiety not to get another scolding about being "giddy" in class.

OP I agree with what others have said about maybe speaking with a professional who teach you some techniques to hep deal with or overcome these stressful episodes.
It might also help in these situations to take several deep breaths. Even if you have to go to the bathroom by yourself for a little while, just take some deep controlled breaths to calm yourself a little and try to clear your mind.
I know it can be hard but try your best to think logically and realise that often these things are very minor in the grand scheme of things. Acknowledge what you got told off for, make a memo to self to try best to prevent the same thing from happening again, and then make a conscious effort to "release" the stress you are feeling over the issue and get on with your day.
You could try visualising the stress as a ball that you are tightening in your hand as it builds (clenching your fists), after you have done your breathing and calming techniques you could release this "ball" by throwing it away/unclenching your fists and then shaking loose your arms, and taking some final deep breaths. This is something I find helps me sometimes if I get stressed over other types of things.

Stavro Mueller

I've been on both sides of the fence with this. When I was starting out in my first job I got pulled aside a few times and corrected about things. Now I manage staff and sometimes I have to do the same thing. The main thing to bear in mind is that it's not personal. You are just one in a long line of students your lecturer will have corrected in their career and you'll soon merge into the blur of faces that they won't remember too well. The good thing about this is that they took you aside and didn't humiliate you in front of your classmates. I think most people would be a bit upset about what happened but some people are better at hiding it.

The best way to deal with this is to prove to this lecturer that you can behave properly in class. I think you'll never feel hyper in their class again after what happened anyway. Don't stop going because of this blow to your confidence. The only person you're hurting is yourself by avoiding classes. Are you getting professional help for your issues - perhaps it'd be worth your while having a chat with someone if you feel you can't put this behind you.

Teyla Emmagan

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Wow, and you've obviously never gotten carried away messing about. The OP is looking for advice in dealing with anxiety and confrontation.

Oh, I have, but not for a long time. Not since I became an adult. The more you grow up the more you take responsibility for your actions. So you see the cause and effect and are able to handle the effect more.

I get the OP is dealing with anxiety, and that's where my advice comes from. The issue is not JUST dealing with the aftermath (but she clearly needs help there too), for her it will need to involve having better self control in the first place.

I am sorry for sounding harsh OP, but I do think that you come across as being somewhat childish. Just my opinion.

onethreefive

OP, don't worry about it!

I used to be the exact same.

It is almost certain the lecturer has had moments in their life as well like this. Nobody is better than anyone else regardless of status or position. EVERYONE I'm sure has had moments like this, where they do something silly and get in trouble. It happens every day to people.

The Lecturer probably doesn't even remember now anyways

Don't beat yourself up about it!! Life is for enjoying and don't let things like this worry you.