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Single.

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  • 30-03-2014 10:40pm
    #1
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭


    I'm 25 and have bein single for the last three years, not even a date. I don't drink so I find it hard to meet people cause I don't go out much.

    I get left on my own every weekend because the few friends I have are gone off with their OH. Anybody got any advice? I don't want to be single for ever but it looks I'm gonna be at the moment.


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    #2
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Feels like my life's just not worth living any more.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    Feels like my life's just not worth living any more.

    All will work out,c'mon,get a hobby,join meet up.Keep the chin up


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    #4
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    A relationship mightn't fulfil whatever you feel you're lacking.
    You really need to get happy in yourself first.
    Not drinking shouldn't stop you socialising.


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    #5
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 2,294 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    I don't understand why people place such a heavy burden on themselves to be in a relationship. It's healthy to be able to function as an independent person. Being 25 and being single is nothing. But I know you don't see it that way.
    Not drinking doesn't have to be a barrier to meeting a partner, even though it seems like every aspect of social life in Ireland revolves around drink. Have you thought about online dating? It's hugely popular, particularly with people who don't like or feel they are past the pub and club scene.
    Just don't rush into a relationship for the sake of it. There's more to life, it's not the be all and end all.


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    #6
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Addle wrote: »
    A relationship mightn't fulfil whatever you feel you're lacking.
    You really need to get happy in yourself first.
    Not drinking shouldn't stop you socialising.

    I jus used to get slagged so I stopped going out. I become very anxious around lots of people I don't no also.


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    #7
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Tbh man, it sounds like you need to talk to a doctor to get some help to get your thoughts and feelings back on track before you think about a relationship.


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    #8
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    I don't understand why people place such a heavy burden on themselves to be in a relationship. It's healthy to be able to function as an independent person. Being 25 and being single is nothing. But I know you don't see it that way.
    Not drinking doesn't have to be a barrier to meeting a partner, even though it seems like every aspect of social life in Ireland revolves around drink. Have you thought about online dating? It's hugely popular, particularly with people who don't like or feel they are past the pub and club scene.
    Just don't rush into a relationship for the sake of it. There's more to life, it's not the be all and end all.

    Of course it's a barrier. How am I supposed to meet ppl without going out and getting drunk.


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    #9
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    Of course it's a barrier. How am I supposed to meet ppl without going out and getting drunk.
    Do you feel you lack the confidence to talk to people while sober?

    Someone who doesn't waste their money on alcohol, can drive home after a night out, and doesn't waste time and energy on hangovers is a catch in my mind!!!


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    #10
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 2,294 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    Of course it's a barrier. How am I supposed to meet ppl without going out and getting drunk.

    Ask around your family, friends, colleagues, how many of them met their partners while drunk? Most people meet through friends or at weddings. And like I said online dating is hugely popular. I met my bf online, he doesn't drink, so it's great to always have a driver home! Major selling point for me!


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    #11
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Addle wrote: »
    Do you feel you lack the confidence to talk to people while sober?

    Someone who doesn't waste their money on alcohol, can drive home after a night out, and doesn't waste time and energy on hangovers is a catch in my mind!!!

    Yes if I do try il jus stutter cause I'm so anxious nd it's embarrassing so I don't try any more.

    Obviously nobody else thinks I'm a good catch


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    #12
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Ask around your family, friends, colleagues, how many of them met their partners while drunk? Most people meet through friends or at weddings. And like I said online dating is hugely popular. I met my bf online, he doesn't drink, so it's great to always have a driver home! Major selling point for me!

    All of my mates did and that's a grand total of 3. I don't hav any colleagues, havint worked in 2 years. My mam an dad obviously were sober when they met cause neither of them drink.


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    #13
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    Do you work OP? Play sports/have hobbies?
    How do you interact with people in those situations?

    Maybe you're just putting too much pressure on yourself in social situations.


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    #14
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Addle wrote: »
    Do you work OP? Play sports/have hobbies?
    How do you interact with people in those situations?

    Maybe you're just putting too much pressure on yourself in social situations.

    I don't play sports nd stay clear of social situations. I Like to go fishing, but any time I arrange it wit some of my mates they jus cancel at the last minute cause ther to hungover to go. I used to work but got let go and havint had a job in two years.


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    #15
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    reality belle wrote: »
    All will work out,c'mon,get a hobby,join meet up.Keep the chin up

    I don't find it easy to meet new people.


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    #16
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    Well you would if you don't socialise or work.

    I think you should just try to increase your general social circle before trying to find a relationship.
    The former might lead to the latter.


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    #17
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    I don't think there's any girls around my age dat don't drink.


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    #18
    utyh2ikcq9z76b
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭utyh2ikcq9z76b


    Start drinking


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    #19
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Dats the problem I can't without being drunk or taking a valium or two. I hav a stutter so if I'm anxious I stutter nd people jus laugh at me.


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    #20
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    I don't think there's any girls around my age dat don't drink.

    It reads like you have the issue with drinking.


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    #21
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    Dats the problem I can't without being drunk or taking a valium or two. I hav a stutter so if I'm anxious I stutter nd people jus laugh at me.

    At 25, if the people you know are that immature, you're better off without them.

    Have you had any treatment for your stutter?


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    #22
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Addle wrote: »
    It reads like you have the issue with drinking.

    No it's jus they won't stay wit me cause dey jus wanna go on the piss all the time.


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    #23
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Addle wrote: »
    At 25, if the people you know are that immature, you're better off without them.

    Have you had any treatment for your stutter?

    Ye when i was younger only happins when I'm anxious. meeting new people and the likes.


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    #24
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    I'm just a useless person.


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    #25
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    green_screen wrote: »
    Tbh man, it sounds like you need to talk to a doctor to get some help to get your thoughts and feelings back on track before you think about a relationship.

    +1 OP. It's good to talk.


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    #26
    neckedit
    Registered Users Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭neckedit


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    I'm just a useless person.

    Wow!!
    Theres your problem right there!!
    You seen quite hard on yourself man and in a dark place.
    You should talk to some one.
    Im sure your far from useless too.


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    #27
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Cogsy88 wrote: »
    Feels like my life's just not worth living any more.

    I really think you need professional help OP. There are links at the top of the PI forum to various organisations that could help you hon, please go and seek help xx


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    #28
    Cogsy88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭Cogsy88


    Il jus stay in bed it's easier.


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    #29
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    I'd urge you to contact one of the organisations listed here

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057178293


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    #30
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hi OP,


    I have been following your thread since the first post, and I think that it would be a good idea for you to seek the help of a professional to help you past this. Whilst everybody here is posting with good intentions, we're simply not equipped to help you in the same way a professional can, therefore I am going to close the thread. Please understand that this is in your best interest.

    I recommend that you contact the support agencies listed in this thread - they have helped people going through the same difficulties as you before, all you need to do is pick up the phone and ask for the help. I have posted the links below.

    We will also pass details of this thread to the user turn2me.org who will be in touch offering their services to help you through this difficult time.

    Regards,
    Mike
    Depression / Mental Health
    http://www.irish-counselling.ie/
    http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/
    http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/
    http://www.grow.ie/
    http://www.aware.ie/
    http://www.shineonline.ie/
    http://www.recover.ie/ (Schizophrenia Ireland)

    Suicide
    http://www.nosp.ie/ (national suicide prevention)
    1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100
    http://www.pieta.ie/
    https://www.turn2me.org/ - registered rep on boards contactable at turn2me.org


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    #31
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Introduction to turn2me.org
    Hello,

    My name is Eoin O'Shea and I am a counselling psychologist working at Turn2me, an online mental health organisation (www.turn2me.org)

    A Boards moderator recently brought a post of yours to my attention (as part of a collaborative support arrangement which Turn2me has with Boards.ie). It seems you were quite distressed - I take this very seriously as you must really be suffering quite a bit at the moment.

    What I would like to say is that we can provide anonymous support at Turn2me should you wish to (a) avail of our support forums, (b) take part in our Online Support Groups which run every day, or (c) use any of the other features at our site.

    As part of a programme called 'Engage' (details of which can be found at www.turn2me.org), I would be happy to offer you a number of free online counselling sessions which are then combined with at least two of our other services to make sure you get the support and help you deserve - free of charge.

    Please let me know if you'd have an interest in this - just so that I can touch base with you and make sure you've received this message - and you can then apply for the Engage programme online by visiting our site.

    I wish you the very best and hope to hear from you soon,

    Eoin


This discussion has been closed.
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