Unsure-dating dilemma

missdavis1986

A bit of background first...

I signed up to Tinder purely out of curiosity. Had 2 fairly bland dates with different guys, nothing came of either. I was going to delete my account when lo and behold I got chatting to a really decent guy. We exchanged numbers and were texting for a few weeks.

About 6 weeks went by texting almost daily until we finally got to meet up (work, weddings etc kept getting in the way for both of us). We met up for drinks + had a great evening. We split the bill for everything which suited me fine and had a nice kiss at the end of the night. After I got home he texted to make sure I got in ok + to tell me that I was worth the wait

That was last weekend. Since then we've been messaging daily (just like before) and he did mention meeting up again, however last week I was having a mental week at work-doing nights etc which he knew, so I presumed we'd meet up over the weekend.

I asked him on friday if he had any plans for the weekend to which he replied "he's smashed" so can't afford to go anywhere. He never mentioned meeting me but asked was I going out myself. Anyway last night came + I went out with my friends for a few, he texted me asking was I out, to which I said yes + that was that. Haven't heard from him since.

I'm totally confused to be honest...does he like me? From the vibe I get off him I think he might but then why no date? Is he genuinely broke or has he changed his mind about me? I don't want to invest any energy in him if he's really just out to play the field.

tara73

could be he's genuinely on a very tight budget, he already very openly admitted it.

as an example and to give you an idea in case you are one of the lucky ones never experienced unemployment:):
when I was on the dole, which was roughly 800 euro a month, I had to pay 600 euro rent, left me with 200 euro a month or 50 a week for everything else. tough times I can say. most of it went to groceries anyway, so even 2 pints for an evening is a big expense! awful!
sad thing is, I guess still many unemployed have to calculate like that and he could be one of them.

also his checking up on you, whether you are out shows his nervousness and that he most definetely wanted to go out with you but seems to be trapped in his position of having no money and is now worried you'll loose interest and meet somebody else.

just my guess, could be all wrong.
but why worry yourself what he's thinking, be proactive, if you really like him, show it to him despite of him having no money.
or for example suggest just to go for a nice walk one day, doesn't cost anything...if he's not up for it either, I would start asking myelf about his motives too.

good luck

missdavis1986

tara73 wrote: »

could be he's genuinely on a very tight budget, he already very openly admitted it.

as an example and to give you an idea in case you are one of the lucky ones never experienced unemployment:):
when I was on the dole, which was roughly 800 euro a month, I had to pay 600 euro rent, left me with 200 euro a month or 50 a week for everything else. tough times I can say. most of it went to groceries anyway, so even 2 pints for an evening is a big expense! awful!
sad thing is, I guess still many unemployed have to calculate like that and he could be one of them.

also his checking up on you, whether you are out shows his nervousness and that he most definetely wanted to go out with you but seems to be trapped in his position of having no money and is now worried you'll loose interest and meet somebody else.

just my guess, could be all wrong.
but why worry yourself what he's thinking, be proactive, if you really like him, show it to him despite of him having no money.
or for example suggest just to go for a nice walk one day, doesn't cost anything...if he's not up for it either, I would start asking myelf about his motives too.

good luck

Thanks, I really do hope that's the case. He does actually have a job so he's earning a wage but I can totally understand somebody being strapped for cash for whatever reason. But not all dates have to involve money or a lot of money i.e. going for coffee. But I do hope it's the latter!

TechnicalGroup

missdavis1986 wrote: »

A bit of background first...

I signed up to Tinder purely out of curiosity. Had 2 fairly bland dates with different guys, nothing came of either. I was going to delete my account when lo and behold I got chatting to a really decent guy. We exchanged numbers and were texting for a few weeks.

About 6 weeks went by texting almost daily until we finally got to meet up (work, weddings etc kept getting in the way for both of us). We met up for drinks + had a great evening. We split the bill for everything which suited me fine and had a nice kiss at the end of the night. After I got home he texted to make sure I got in ok + to tell me that I was worth the wait

That was last weekend. Since then we've been messaging daily (just like before) and he did mention meeting up again, however last week I was having a mental week at work-doing nights etc which he knew, so I presumed we'd meet up over the weekend.

I asked him on friday if he had any plans for the weekend to which he replied "he's smashed" so can't afford to go anywhere. He never mentioned meeting me but asked was I going out myself. Anyway last night came + I went out with my friends for a few, he texted me asking was I out, to which I said yes + that was that. Haven't heard from him since.

I'm totally confused to be honest...does he like me? From the vibe I get off him I think he might but then why no date? Is he genuinely broke or has he changed his mind about me? I don't want to invest any energy in him if he's really just out to play the field.

It's really likely that he feels self-conscious not being able to pay for a date with you. If so, and he is interested in you, he is likely to have been uncomfortable that you were going out without him and he didn't have the option to join you. It is also possible that he would not be comfortable if you offered to pay for him.

So here's a solution. Suggest a zero-cost date, maybe don't suggest it like a date at all. Say there is x exhibition in a gallery or museum that you are going to go in to see, would he join you? Or you'd been dying to try x recipe and you got the ingredients, does he want to come over and try it? (the second one might come across as an intention to get more serious)

Giving him some task to help with you with - even if it's just chopping the vegetables - might make him feel less guilty about not contributing financially.

leonidas83

missdavis1986 wrote: »

A bit of background first...

I signed up to Tinder purely out of curiosity. Had 2 fairly bland dates with different guys, nothing came of either. I was going to delete my account when lo and behold I got chatting to a really decent guy. We exchanged numbers and were texting for a few weeks.

About 6 weeks went by texting almost daily until we finally got to meet up (work, weddings etc kept getting in the way for both of us). We met up for drinks + had a great evening. We split the bill for everything which suited me fine and had a nice kiss at the end of the night. After I got home he texted to make sure I got in ok + to tell me that I was worth the wait

That was last weekend. Since then we've been messaging daily (just like before) and he did mention meeting up again, however last week I was having a mental week at work-doing nights etc which he knew, so I presumed we'd meet up over the weekend.

I asked him on friday if he had any plans for the weekend to which he replied "he's smashed" so can't afford to go anywhere. He never mentioned meeting me but asked was I going out myself. Anyway last night came + I went out with my friends for a few, he texted me asking was I out, to which I said yes + that was that. Haven't heard from him since.

I'm totally confused to be honest...does he like me? From the vibe I get off him I think he might but then why no date? Is he genuinely broke or has he changed his mind about me? I don't want to invest any energy in him if he's really just out to play the field.

I dont agree with the advice thats been given here to you at all if im honest MissDavis

Sounds like he's most definitely playing the field. As you say he's already earning a wage so money shouldnt be a major issue. Also there is plenty of ways a guy can suggest to meet up with you if he genuinely wants to without having to pay a fortune. coffee, walk, film, etc. He's not stupid by the sounds of it

I would find it hard to believe also that a guy that seems quite proactive about dating such as having a tinder account & taking you out on a date suddenly develops major issues around money & asking you out on a second date

The texting you when you were out would suggest he was also hoping to get laid. Guys know they have a much better chance with a woman if she has drink in her of getting sex. He was either hoping for you to call round to his place or to meet up that night for a quickie or whatever at minimum expense to himself.

Im sorry if it sounds harsh but this would be exactly the way I would go about things if I went for a date with a girl & realized I only wanted casual sex with her. If a guy really likes a girl, he'll find a way of meeting her no matter what most of the time. The issues only start to arise if he's looking for quick easy sex & the woman is looking for more