When Is It A Relationship

A_Sober_Paddy

Ok so I'm probably getting a name for myself around these parts:P

So I've been on a few dates with this girl
#1 Drinks
#2 Cinema
#3 Dinner(Thread About it)
#4 Movie at hers

So I've arranged a 5th date, just a movie at mine, I'm also going to make a little bit of dinner(nothing like date #3 in terms of fanciness). Time between dates 1&2 was nearly 3 weeks, and dates 2 through 5 will have been over 3 weeks...So thats a little background

So one of the lads was over earlier and we were just catching up and of course this girl comes up in conversation and I'm telling this and that, and everything included above to which his like "ah nice one, that's a nice girlfriend you got there"...

Now I'm of the opinion that you and a girl have a conversation about this before it becomes a relationship and he was like, that many dates makes it a relationship...

I've been left a little confused, now i do like this girl quiet a lot and obviously a relationship is something i'd like, but I'll say it again...For it to become and a boyfriend/Girlfriend thing is there not a conversation to be had between both parties...

She is coming over tomorrow night for date #5 and now this mate of mine has knocked me for one after our catch up, I don't think he was stirring anything either he was genuinely of the belief that me and this girl are in relationship cause we've been on 4 dates(soon to be 5)...

This whole thing for the first time at 25 is kinda embarrassing:o

Cheers in advance boardies

Penny Tration

You could have just said 'she's not my girlfriend, too early for that yet.'

If you want to make it official, just ask her. she obviously likes you!

rcarroll

Hiya been following ur thread on cooking page so I had to reply! Id say things sound good and promising between ye- especially after cooking for someone, that to me is something more than just dating. Still- how dya know? well for me it usually comes up kind of naturally, maybe makin a lighthearted joke such as,'so does this mean we're changin fb statuses now?' (btw i wouldnt dream of actually doin this but still)...or last guy i just told him I liked him and just checked that we were actually datin and bein faithful...usually you have a fair feelin tho and kind of fall into it- then its just a matter of checkin ur on the same page and nobodys taking things more/less serious than yourself..good luck!

cazzer22

I wouldn't say you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend. There definitely has to be a conversation for that to happen. It's going in that direction though, so if that's something you want I would definitely bring it up. She's probably wondering what's happening between you guys as well. Best of luck

missdavis1986

It sounds like all going well you two may well end up together, however I don't think you can label yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend until you've both discussed it. Good luck!

Colser

I would also have presumed that you are boyfriend/girlfriend at this stage OP but Im years older than you and out of the dating scene for a long time now:) Is this a new thing where you actually have to have a conversation to determine that you are in a relationship? Does that mean that the previous times youve met up would normally happen between just good friends? Im no help really if thats the case as I genuinely would have thought that you are now dating and at the start of a relationship but as I say Im not au fait with the scene now so ignore this post if its outdated

A_Sober_Paddy

Cheers for the replies, but how would one bring this up in a semi casual way, don't need to be getting too heavy

Tasden

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Cheers for the replies, but how would one bring this up in a semi casual way, don't need to be getting too heavy

"So I like you and enjoy spending time with you so I haven't really been bothered about seeing anyone else but I just wanna know if we're on the same page..." or something like that, although that kinda is asking her to be exclusive or at least telling her you don't want her seeing other people.

Something along those lines though

Penny Tration

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Cheers for the replies, but how would one bring this up in a semi casual way, don't need to be getting too heavy

'I was telling my mate John about *whatever thing she did that you told your friend about* and he started saying what a nice girlfriend you are.' If she laughs or says something flattering or pretty much just does NOT say 'I'm not your girlfriend,' follow it up with 'so, what do you think? Is being my gf something you'd be okay with?'

Tasden

green_screen wrote: »

'I was telling my mate John about *whatever thing she did that you told your friend about* and he started saying what a nice girlfriend you are.' If she laughs or says something flattering or pretty much just does NOT say 'I'm not your girlfriend,' follow it up with 'so, what do you think? Is being my gf something you'd be okay with?'

This is better!

Penny Tration

Tasden wrote: »

This is better!

I may have used it myself before

A_Sober_Paddy

green_screen wrote: »

I may have used it myself before

Did it work?

Penny Tration

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Did it work?

Yup! I've only ever asked someone to make it official twice. Worked both times. Generally if you're at a stage where you're going to ask, you can gauge them well enough to know if they're interested or not.

A_Sober_Paddy

green_screen wrote: »

Yup! I've only ever asked someone to make it official twice. Worked both times. Generally if you're at a stage where you're going to ask, you can gauge them well enough to know if they're interested or not.

Just thinking too myself, is fifth date too soon? Oh if you knew me you'd understand I'm not the most confident(or best record with women)

Penny Tration

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Just thinking too myself, is fifth date too soon? Oh if you knew me you'd understand I'm not the most confident(or best record with women)

5th or 6th date is generally when I have asked or have been asked (sometimes sooner, I had never been on a date with my oh when he asked me to be his girlfriend!). It seems to be a fairly 'okay' time to bring it up.

Look, I'll be blunt. You're making threads about someone you like.

Now, forget about the lack of confidence for a minute, and look at the facts.

She has happily gone on several dates with you, so obviously likes you.

I presume she texts you and vice versa? Again, sshowing interest.

Kissing? Interest.

Going to your house? That's stepping it up another notch. More intimate than an 'outside' date, so she's vey comfortable around you if she's agreed.

Mate, the signs are all good. I'm a similar age to you, and my god, my confidence is awful. But, I can and have asked people out. It's all about seeing positive signs.

There's loads of positive sides. Stop second guessing yourself, and go for it. If you're really uncomfortable, do it through text. Easier to hide the blushes, but in person would be better!

LegacyUser

I think these things progress naturally. Don't be in a rush to put a label on it, and just enjoy it for what it is.

Personally (and I'm female if that makes any difference) I would think you are 'dating eachother' or 'seeing eachother' - its the exciting pre-relationship stage of getting to know eachother.
I would let her know that you are not seeing anyone else, and see where that goes. But for now I wouldn't panic about the 'girlfriend / boyfriend' label, because thats all it is. If it comes up discuss it, or if its on your mind discuss it. Obviously you like her and see it going somewhere- no harm letting her know that. If she's on the same page she'll be delighted.

I think you are in a 'relationship' when its a given you will be spending time together, seeing eachother every week, and assumed that you will be going to events together without it being an official 'date'. When the conversation turns into 'what are we doing this evening / tomorrow/ this weekend' as opposed to 'would you like to meet up for dinner on Friday?'
But that is all a natural progression and there is no need to rush it. Enjoy it for what is is right now - exciting, and getting to know eachother ;-)