Name Calling?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

This isn't a massive problem as problems go, but I am a bit confused!

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We have a great relationship, lots of fun, lots of our own time - we are not the type who likes to live in each others pockets. We both have demanding jobs. Since September both our scheduals have eased and we are spending a lot more time together.

This is great and the sex is amazing!! However lately he has started to use some super crude language toward me in bed - he calls me his "little slut" and "you're my dirty whore". Now I know he is dominant and while I've always loved this, I'm not sure if I am taken with the whole slut/whore calling. I guess in the heat of the bedroom I can understand and I get he gets off on it. But, he sometimes sends me texts during the day, asking "how's my dirty slut today? Can't wait to get my hands on you later". Sometimes during the day this isn't the kind of language I want to hear!

He is very loving at all other times, but when it comes to sex he is very dominant.

Is this name calling just part of a dominant personality? Just a big turn on for him? Bear in mind we are very adventurous in the bedroom, but outside of it we are very old fashioned!!

I don't want to make a big deal out of this. Just curious if any of you guys have had this happen and is it a sign he really thinks of me as nothing more than his slut /whore in everyday life?

Thanks for reading

ABajaninCork

Just tell him that the name-calling isn't acceptable to you. I had an ex like that. I told him what the score was, and he stopped it with fulsome apologies!

Some men just get carried away with the moment, I think. It's down to you to set boundaries and tell him what you will and won't accept in the bedroom...

Penny Tration

Agreed with the previous poster. My bf calls me things like that in bed, and I don't have a problem with it. However, if he called me those names during the day, I'd immediately tell him I don't like it.

Tokyo

Sounds like he's trying something new, and has gotten a bit carried away with it - and you haven't nipped it in the bud yet so he doesn't know when to stop.

Just tell him that you don't really like it and that it bothers you, especially out of nowhere in the middle of the day. If he's a decent guy, he'll understand immediately.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies

Yes I did casually mention that I wasn't best pleased with the texts during the day! I said, that I am nothing but a lady outside of the bedroom and he did say sorry, just that he was super horny and got carried away thinking about later.

I guess I'll wait to see how it goes, whither he does it again or not.

As I've said he is very sexually dominant (which I love!) maybe these name just come naturally to that type of man?

I just hope it's not a sign of something more sinister, or a dark side as to how he really sees me

Penny Tration

TaraStarlet00 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies

Yes I did casually mention that I wasn't best pleased with the texts during the day! I said, that I am nothing but a lady outside of the bedroom and he did say sorry, just that he was super horny and got carried away thinking about later.

I guess I'll wait to see how it goes, whither he does it again or not.

As I've said he is very sexually dominant (which I love!) maybe these name just come naturally to that type of man?

I just hope it's not a sign of something more sinister, or a dark side as to how he really sees me

I very much doubt that that is how he sees you! My bf, like yours, is the dominant type, and calls me those things in bed. But I know full well he doesn't actually think of me like that. I bet your boyfriend spends a lot more time telling you how great you are than he does calling you names!

Big Bag of Chips

If you don't like him saying it, in or outside the bedroom, then mention it to him. Just because he's dominant in the bedroom that doesn't mean that you have to go along with something you're not 100% comfortable with. And if hearing him say that is a bit of a "buzz kill" for you, then let him know.

Unless you tell him what you like or don't like he won't know. If your relationship is as great as you say it is, then these are the things you should be able to discuss with each other.

Big Nasty

Are you happy with this 'name calling' in the sack? If so don't be upset with it at other times once it's kept between you both. If he's calling you a slut in front of your peers (which I gather he's not) that would be wrong. If he's sending you 'durrrty' texts duting the day using the same vocab you use in the cot I think you should be happy.

IMO this means he's thinking about you during the day and stirring things up for when you both get home. Do you not appreciate the texts? Do you not look forward to the intimacy on your journey home?

What he's doing is keeping your sexual life buzzing, something that's to easy to let slide in a long term relationship. In fact I should do this more often with my wife.

Obliq

TaraStarlet00 wrote: »

just that he was super horny and got carried away thinking about later.

I guess I'll wait to see how it goes, whither he does it again or not.

As I've said he is very sexually dominant (which I love!) maybe these name just come naturally to that type of man?

I just hope it's not a sign of something more sinister, or a dark side as to how he really sees me

Nope, I wouldn't think it's dark or sinister - just horny! That said, if you're not on the same plane during the day, when you out of the blue (see what I did there?!) get a "I want you on your knees, b***h!" text, just text back with a "use your daytime language babe, I'm looking at my boss right now!", or similar.

Time and place, as they say . It's great he can't stop thinking about you to that extent though, but like Big Nasty says here below- these things slide by after a while, so make the most of it! Send him a wild one back, but after work, whenever you're in the mood.

Big Nasty wrote: »

Are you happy with this 'name calling' in the sack? If so don't be upset with it at other times once it's kept between you both. If he's calling you a slut in front of your peers (which I gather he's not) that would be wrong. If he's sending you 'durrrty' texts duting the day using the same vocab you use in the cot I think you should be happy.

IMO this means he's thinking about you during the day and stirring things up for when you both get home. Do you not appreciate the texts? Do you not look forward to the intimacy on your journey home?

What he's doing is keeping your sexual life buzzing, something that's to easy to let slide in a long term relationship. In fact I should do this more often with my wife.

Obliq

TaraStarlet00 wrote: »

But, he sometimes sends me texts during the day, asking "how's my dirty slut today? Can't wait to get my hands on you later". Sometimes during the day this isn't the kind of language I want to hear!

He is very loving at all other times, but when it comes to sex he is very dominadnt.

Is this name calling just part of a dominant personality? Just a big turn on for him? Bear in mind we are very adventurous in the bedroom, but outside of it we are very old fashioned!!

Ps. No, I don't think it's any more a sign of a dominant personality than a submissive one. You'd be well within your rights (and probably do interesting things to his ability to text, or even think straight) to text back "You're a bad b****rd, I know your style. I should run now, while I still can...!" etc.

But I do know what you mean. During the day, you're not feeling like being a proper slut. You could still think like one though....:D Seriously, I like what Big Nasty said about long term relationships, even if work isn't the ideal place to think up a horny answer....

Pawwed Rig

Some people like this kind of talk, some don't. Get on the same page as each other and go from there.

Talk to him about it.

In a relationship you should feel comfortable to talk about boundaries within the bedroom.