I'm losing my empathy

LegacyUser

More and more recently I find I am losing my sympathy/empathy with people and I'd like to know how to get it back. When I walk around this city I just see more and more drunk, rude, cursing, fighting and aggressive people. Its not the drug addicts so much, I suppose I have sympathy for those in the sense that they are sick and need treatment, but the masses of drunks...and not just drunks but people who swear, fight or shout even when their children are with them...people who can't speak without using curse words or who lack basic civility. Even, and I know this sounds awful, but people who smell like urine, vomit and booze in the supermarket when I have my baby with me. I'm just disgusted by them! I used to try to put myself in other people's shoes, now I just want them to go away. I've had a difficult life, and I struggle with money, but I don't spend my money on drink and hang around the town shouting, throwing litter and picking fights...and I just find myself feeling incredibly negative towards people like this, and the city seems to be full of them. How can I regain my empathy and realise that people have their own situations to deal with? No matter how many time I try I just end up feeling disgust. I used to give money to beggars now I just think they'll spend it on drink. Surely this isn't a very good attitude to have!
Any suggestions welcome.

December2012

Not all cities are full of the people you describe.

If they are all you notice, then you need to start looking for different things.

Next time you see a boozer look around and notice all the sober people walking around like you.

Pay attention to the bus drivers, the passengers, the shop staff, other employees - namely others like you.

ivytwine

I think I can guess where you live....

I would second what December2012 says. Not all cities are like this. This city is not all like this.

I live in Dublin [possibly too] and yes, there is a lot of what you describe. I work evenings and there is always some trouble outside the shops on Aston Quay. There are always homeless people bedding down for the night. You can see people drinking cans during the day. It is depressing.

But.

There are tourists gazing at Trinity in awe. I was talking to an American recently who was stunned to think the beautiful building on College Green was a mere bank. There is Stephen's Green, and the traders laughing and chatting on Moore Street, the shoppers and friends and further out you have Howth and Sandymount and Dun Laoghaire.

If you used to like the city where you live, then I would suggest you reconnect to it, maybe do a few tourist things.

Somedays all you can see is the bad in the place, any place in which you live. But there is always good. You mention you have a baby- it would be only natural having brought a child in the world, you see its inherent dangers.

I would also advise if crowds are getting you down, then avoid the centre during busy periods.

Emme

I don't think you're losing your empathy. You have a child and you are rightly aware of the dangers around you. Also if you are responsible with money and have struggled hard it's difficult to have sympathy for wasters or people who treat their children badly.

I agree with the other poster who suggested reconnecting to the city. Could you take day trips to somewhere nice with your child? Summer is coming and you will be able to do more things in the long evenings. Go somewhere it's cheerful, even if it's just a walk around St Stephen's Green on a sunny day.

I don't know where you live but would it be possible to move to a better area?

suzi2

After reading your post, it brought me back to a post I replied to titled 'Empathy Gone'.... you should check it out!
I was cautioned after I posted a reply to that, as it was classed as' insulting'.
If you read the OP you will see clearly that this person, (and many of whom agree with her), totaly lacks empathy. I wasnt liked for saying so.
However, you are exactly how I would see myself. I believe I have empathy for people who find themselves in situations that are now beyond their control. Like the drug addict, who for one reason or another, became addicted and is now a menace to society. I feel sorry for their predicament, but I dont want them around me nor do I want my children around them. Yet I feel sorry for them. I find myself for a brief moment wondering what sort of life they had and what drove them to turn to drugs to blank out what they were going through. However, if Im in town with my children and a gang of thugs start fighting or swearing or appear to be falling around drunk, I have no sympathy and certainly no empathy for them. Empathy to my knowlege is to try have the ability to feel what that other person is feeling. And I dont have any desire to feel what they are feeling. To me, and in my eyes, they have a given choice to act how they are acting and behave how they are behaving.
So to me they dont deserve sympathy nor do they deserve for anyone to take the time out to emathize with them.
The Malaysian Airline that went down and the victims of 9/11 and also the family in Killinarden who lost their mother 2 weeks ago.. well Im sure like me, you can empathize with them. None of these victims had any choice in what happened nor did their families, so therefore I feel for them. For anyone to say they are sick of hearing about it, and its only 'news,' in my opinion are selfish and disgusting! These people lack empathy- thats for sure.
You sound to me like you are a very caring person, who is just looking out for their child, and rightly so! Good on you! You very clearly show empathy, just by the way you worded your post.
Some people choose the road they go down and some people dont. I have empathy for those that dont and who find themselves in terrible situations. So do you by the sounds of it.
Its funny how the post that you put up had a couple of negative comments, whereas the one titled 'Lacking Empathy' gained so much support! Makes no sense to me!