Help

Arrowsgoloar64

Hi

Where to start with this.... Lets see?

Im going through what feels like a mid life crisis at the moment. Im a woman in her 20's who hasn't been able to make great life decisions up till now. I left school early and tried the back door route to education and though i was enjoying what i was doing and after a while i enjoyed the social aspect more then the course work (as you do) but after the course finished i was back at square one, jobless and no proper qualification to support me.

In the mix of all of this i entered into a relationship with a guy i had know for a while, while there was a little age gap we still got each other and age was but a number. When we first started seeing each other he was unemployeed trying the education route for the second time but gave up on the idea and found work instead.

A couple of years have passed since then and we are now both employeed and hate, i mean really HATE our jobs. Both of us have been searching for work but are really struggling. He believe that the job he is currently in have drained him of his qualifcations and his confidence because of the group of people he works for. Whereas i have no proper degree as such and never really know what kind of jobs to apply for as a result.

Also i should mention in the five or so years we have been together we live seperately, he live in an apartment and i live at home (i realise how sad that sounds). Reason being at the time i wasn't in a financial position to do so. In the time he has lived there we learn't that the building itself was not built properly,(No proper insulation) and as a result the apartment is completely damp, to the point im waiting for it to collapase on itself. I have explained to him that i am not keen i spending the night there, that he should call his landlord, that he should move out, but i just seem to upset him so i stay quite and he continues to live there. His reason for not moving out is because he does not want to move closer to his place of work because he wants to leave it, which i understand completely, but then hes finding it greatly difficult to find a job thats right for him.

Between the housing situation and the difficulting in finding work its causing lots of problem in the relationship now. I don't want to spend another minute in this job or another minute in this housing, between the two i feeling like im losing my mind. Im working all the hours i can to save to try and move somewhere else and my hours at hour are mostly night five to six days a week but they conflict with his hours, so now we barely see each other. So now we fight about not seeing each other and moving in together/new jobs.

I would just like to be able to find new work somewhere else, i suggested moving to another country for work, a new start, even that possibly one day i could return to college (to do what im still not sure of). But as of this moment im feeling rather trapped and can't seem to talk to him, my friends or my family about it. Im losing hope and my mind. I just want to move forward with my life. Most of my friend are engaged, married or are having kids. I don't want that just yet but i would like so change in where i am now.

Please help.

Hannibal Smith

Your job - you say you have no qualifications so don't know what jobs to apply for. Why not contact an agency and talk about your experience and see what avenue they would suggest?

Your boyfriend's accommodation - to be fair if he's the one paying the rent and living there you can't push him into moving or discussions with his landlord etc. It might he worth having a word with Threshold about the condition of the property and if it breaches any standards. That said all you can do with that information is pass it on to your boyfriend and then its up to him to act on it or not.

The only person putting pressure on you is you. Write down a list of the things most bothering you in priority and concentrate on tackling one at a time, rather than trying to fix everything together and becoming overwhelmed.

Its not sad to still be living at home and other people's lives have no bearing on yours. Concentrate on the things you can control. You're on a different road so you need to figure out how best to sort out your route to make it more enjoyable for you.

So if the job is the most difficult thing at moment contact an agency and see what they can suggest. If you're still living at home with no overheads you could always consider returning to education?

Arrowsgoloar64

Yes, i know im not paying rent for the accomadation he lives in but its just that its become so bad yhat its affecting his health now and im just worried thst if he continues to live there and do nothing that his health will decrease. Ive spoken to the letting agency and he mentioned it to the landlord (possibly once) but nothing has been done, no one has even looked at the place.

Have tried ring two different agency and also have put my CV on several agency websites. Im basically applying to anything to try and move forward, wheather any of it will make me happy is a completely different story.

My biggest fear is i get a job first, move somewhere, wait for him to follow and he can't get the job that he wants and everything falls apart. Ive spent alot of my time waiting for him to find something first, but he has so many issues about how he goes about moving forward that ive had to start looking for something first and pray we get a job in the same city/country.

As for going back to education at some point, i feel i have to do it in order to get a 'proper grown up job' to have for ghe rest of my life, what i actually want to do in college is a completely different story. Basically i have no idea, i have always been scared that i would never enjoy or be able to do a four year degree in anything. So i panic and stop myself from ever applying.

Hannibal Smith

To be honest you started your thread by calling it a mid life crisis. ..but I think its more like a panic attack.

Breathe.

What can you control and change?

You're understandably worried about your boyfriend's health, but you can't control his unwillingness to sort it out. So let that go.

When I say agency I don't mean apply for a job through one, I mean go an talk to a career guidance type of one. Do a bit of googling and see if there is such an agency around and make an appointment to see them.

If you are unhappy in your life then you can't wait around for your boyfriend's life to match up. Is it the job you don't like or your current employment? Its fantastic that you're willing to move city or country to find a job. It shows you're adventurous and not afraid of new things. ..go find a job you enjoy and move forward from there...dont wait for your boyfriend to do things first or jointly. ..just go for it!