Dersetedbyfriends!

LegacyUser

HI im going anomynous for this one.
Basically a few years ago a girl I grew up with just stopped talking to me and never told me why! At the time I thought it was something silly that would blow over but it never did. I tried to contact her and she never replied yet I know she discussed why with other people yet no one will tell me. Anyway I have come to terms with the fact she had her reasons and cut my losses even though it did upset me that I never spoke badly about her, did anything to hurt her etc.
What bother me is the way people treat me about this. If she is around I am suddenly dropped for plans uninvited, treated like the guilty party. I tried talking to one friend about it and she was angry and said she didn't want to talk about it and get over it basically, but I was it bugs me that people treat me like this over her and no one will tell me why? I fell like the lepor in the village when she is mentioned or around !
She is getting married next year and all my friends are going yet no one told me or mentioned it to me . Not to mention the fact it hurts me that my so childhood friend is getting married and I wont be there - I t hurts that no one even bothered to tell me when it is all planned. Are my friends treating me unfairly. I have basically been told by one girl that I am not allowed to mention this issue again !

retro:electro

Wow that's harsh. Don't mean to sound horrible but the all sound very nasty. If you did something then why can't she tell you or why can't one of the other girls? Like what is the big secret? I wouldn't bother with any of them anymore if I were you if that's how they are treating you. What horrible people.

Tokyo

Normally I'd say drop it and move on, but at first glance it sounds like something pretty drastic was said by this girl in order to turn your entire collective group of friends in her favour. Are you sure you didn't do anything to spark this off? Or if there was something that could be misinterpreted at the time? I find it odd that this came out of absolutely nowhere from your point of view...

Honestly, if it were me, I'd take my closest friend in that group aside and ask them what is going on. Explain to them that the current situation is bothering you, and if you don't know what you've supposedly done wrong, then there is no way you can make it right again. Finding out what what exactly it is you are dealing with is the first step to figuring out a solution.

LegacyUser

HI thanks for the replies
No I cant think of anything I did to her. If I did it maybe something I didn't realise or if I unintentionally let her down Asked her via text etc no replies. Tried to talk to friend in the middle she says not getting involved but she does get involved because she throes me to the side when she is around . Last time I tried to talk to her about it she got mad and told she doesn't care why were not talking its nothing to do with her. she made reference to the fact it was my fault but didn't say why? so I have all these people treating me like this and im not allowed to bring it up or ask why. feels real nice plus the fact I do genuinely miss this person even though she has treated me like this

kjl

Anotherfriendissue! wrote: »

HI thanks for the replies
No I cant think of anything I did to her. If I did it maybe something I didn't realise or if I unintentionally let her down Asked her via text etc no replies. Tried to talk to friend in the middle she says not getting involved but she does get involved because she throes me to the side when she is around . Last time I tried to talk to her about it she got mad and told she doesn't care why were not talking its nothing to do with her. she made reference to the fact it was my fault but didn't say why? so I have all these people treating me like this and im not allowed to bring it up or ask why. feels real nice plus the fact I do genuinely miss this person even though she has treated me like this

test

wow, I don't get it myself. It does seem very serious though, I think you need to confront the girl. Forget texts, forget calling. You need to find out a place she is going to be and ask her directly what she has been saying to your friends.

Your friends sound like spinless jerks btw. If it was something that a friend of mine did I would make sure they knew why they were being excluded if I was excluding them.

username123

Id ditch the lot of them, they are no friends of yours at all.

If the girl herself will not tell you the reason why and other people avoid you when she is around but wont tell you the reason why - why on earth would you want to be friends with these people at all anyway!!!

LegacyUser

HI Thanks again for all the replies . I really appreciate them
I suppose I have kinda put it to bed for myself about the girl that wont talk to me and accepted she doesn't want me in her life. (It took me a long time to do that as I don't have an explanation or reason) I never spoke bad about her actually admired her etc..
It s the way the others treat me about it that drives me crazy . When I did bring it up I was made out to to be the crazy one bringing it up etc and told to get over it... that would be easy if I knew how and I was trying to say I felt upset that people have taken sides etc...
Its all fine with friends when shes not around.. (she doesn't live in town anymore) its when she s back it affects me... plus not being told about the wedding was hurtful its like no one cares how I feel about it and that it upsets me. Ive decided to distance myself from these friends as I am not allowed to talk about it that would only cause arguments. .. I am now left with no friends.. but at least I know that in the future if I don't place so much hope and trust in these friends they cant hurt me..
I suppose I just need to know am I being unreasonable... part of me thinks "just accept theres an issue there and get on with it " and then the other part thinks its really unfair.. and its obvious they don't care about my feelings about it ????????

retro:electro

Sounds to me like she has just taken a disliking to you, for whatever reason I don't know, could be jealousy or anything. She has obviously made up something to the other friends about you and sworn them to not mention it to you, hence why they get angry when you bring it up etc. They all sound as bad as each other to be honest, I'd rather have no friends over people like them.

LegacyUser

anna080 wrote: »

Sounds to me like she has just taken a disliking to you, for whatever reason I don't know, could be jealousy or anything. She has obviously made up something to the other friends about you and sworn them to not mention it to you, hence why they get angry when you bring it up etc. They all sound as bad as each other to be honest, I'd rather have no friends over people like them.

Ya think ill just be polite but put myself out there as much anymore... I was very upset / distraught after the last time I mentioned it that it was such a big deal for me to mention it... and I end up being the baddie.. maybe I don't mention it in the best way? Anyway I cant do anymore and it just feels like an elephant in the room for me all the time.. even when shes not there I feel like if she I would nt be invited to these things... I don't know.. I wonder if I ll ever know the reason..........

retro:electro

desertedbyfriends! wrote: »

Ya think ill just be polite but put myself out there as much anymore... I was very upset / distraught after the last time I mentioned it that it was such a big deal for me to mention it... and I end up being the baddie.. maybe I don't mention it in the best way? Anyway I cant do anymore and it just feels like an elephant in the room for me all the time.. even when shes not there I feel like if she I would nt be invited to these things... I don't know.. I wonder if I ll ever know the reason..........

Okay well you really need to move on from this. I mean even if she started talking to you again what kind of friend is she to even do that to you in the first place? Would you really want to be friends with someone like that? I know it's hard but you've tried and nobody will tell you so you just will have to move on from it now. If this is the kind of person she is then I'll be surprised if she has any friends left at all In a few years.
I know it's hard to lose childhood friends but this is how things turn out sometimes. I only am in touch with one girl from my childhood as the rest never grew out of that small town mentality and it seems to be the case that those girls you know are the same.
Focus on making new friends, don't let this hold you back.

Scaldy Ned

Listen

One day you might move away from the village and live in a broader world where everything is not so magnified. Being brought up in a small community can intensify peer pressure and misguided loyalties....we've all been where you are now at some stage.Try to see past it
One of these days your "friends" will appreciate the fact that you tried to put things right....sounds to me like they're scared of your ex mate....she might be a bit of a bully ?
Don't let it get to you and use the experience to help you choose the new friends you're going to make
Good luck