Have been asked to be a Godfather!

LegacyUser

As the title says, my sister has asked me to be the godfather to her daughter. I wasn't really expecting it, the kid is 4 years old and my sister isn't religious at all but her older daughter is christened and was really only christened because it was a requisite of the school she went to and now the younger daughter is following it. I support my sis in any decision she makes and don't see it as a big deal. I'm christened and communed and confirmed myself but don't practice and don't see myself as part of the church (and couldn't be arsed to excommunicate myself). The christenings I've been to before have pissed me off, hearing the priest going on about it cleansing the child of their sins (haha) and I'm just not sure what to expect if I say yes.

Can anyone give an outline of what exactly is asked of the godfather in temrs of what they are expected to say and agree to. I'll be there for this niece as much as I will be for any of my others, I'm really just not into the whole thing, or religion in general, but my devotion to my sister is stronger than my devotion to my non religion so if I'm helping her out, I'll do it to help her get by the red tape and the child's social acceptance and involvement.

I really don't fancy a big debate here, it's my sisters decision what she chooses for her child so let's leave it at that. I just want to know a bit more about what is asked of the godfather so I can make my decision. I don't want a situation where I'm standing up there with the parents, godmother and my niece and the priest says something ridiculous and I refute :P

retro:electro

My godfather gave me twenty euro in a card every year for my birthday, that's about it.
It can be as religious and equally as non religious as you want it to be.

sopretty

Do you denounce Satan and all his works and all his empty promises?

Tokyo

The Theory

• You vow to reject Satan.
• You will tend to the child's spiritual upbringing.
• You vow to bring the child up in the faith of her parents, should her parents die

.
TBH, the wordings of christenings have become so personalised that you may get asked all/none of these things, depending on the priest.

The Practice

• You keep an eye on the kid growing up to make sure she doesn't get into too much trouble.
• You buy her a decent christmas/birthday present every year.

Some people can't in good conscience commit to being a godparent because it goes against their religious beliefs (or lack thereof), others view it as an honour bestowed upon them by the child's parents to play a bigger role in their child's life. It's up to you really which side of that you fall on. Plenty of people take the latter route, and nod and agree to the words of the ceremony on the big day.

IrishEyes19

Completely agree with Mike on that one.

You will be prompted throughout the whole ceremony, so that should be fine.

to be honest I've no issues with people being religious, I respect peoples faith, always said religion is fine as long as you do right by others, so fair play to you for being accommodating to your sister, nice thing to do.

As for the later years, just make an effort with your god-child, I think in one sense the church has it right, in terms of being a spiritual guider, translate that into your own terms, you dont practice it, so maybe look out for the kid, haha, as one person said the 20 euro and card goes a long way, but and Im sure you will, but my godparent is my granny and it meant a lot because I love her to bits, she always spoiled me a bit when I was kid, godchild and all, so I think if you are a good uncle and build a rapport, you're doing a great job.

LegacyUser

cheers for the replies.

-So if I don't believe in satan I can't exactly reject him?
-Spiritual is fine as long as it doesn't mean religious
-Parents don't really have a faith so that's ok too

-Will be treating her just as I would treat any of my nieces and she won't be getting any special attention just because the church see a religious connection
-On the birthday/christmas thing, same as above.

Can a non Catholic or Christian or whatever I am be a Godfather out of curiosity?

ibarelycare

I'm atheist and I'm godmother to one of my brother's children and I'll probably be godmother to one of my sister's kids in the future. I don't believe in all the stuff that the priest says during the christening (a lot of it makes me a bit angry actually) but I just try to ignore that stuff and consider it an honour that I've been asked to do what I do. Because my godchild is my nephew, I don't treat him any differently to how I treat my other nephews and nieces, but it was something that was important to my brother and SIL and I respect that.

Having attended the christenings of my baby cousins in the last few years and hearing how seriously it's all taken and how involved the priest insisted the godparents be, I would personally refuse. I'd be thankful and say so at the honour, but getting up there and lying would be rude and disrespectful of me, imo.

meeeeh

Halloween, Christmas, Easter those are all holidays we celebrate despite not believing. My kids are Christened because it means something to their grandparents and it's easier with schools. I have also no problem promising something to a being that I don't believe it exists.

WE picked godparents who we like and trust that will be prepared to help if something goes wrong, we did not care about their religious credentials. Btw I loved my godparents, yet the last time my godfather was in the church was when I was Christened (except when he died).

Tokyo

TheAntiGodfather wrote: »

cheers for the replies.

-So if I don't believe in satan I can't exactly reject him?
-Spiritual is fine as long as it doesn't mean religious
-Parents don't really have a faith so that's ok too

Pretty much yes. You're not going to get denounced from the altar for being a heathen, and most priests are realistic enough to know that most peoples beliefs cross a pretty broad spectrum. And I know of many people who interpret the "spiritual upbringing" part to mean that they will allow their godchild the latitude to choose whether they want to be religious or not when they get older.

Can a non Catholic or Christian or whatever I am be a Godfather out of curiosity?

In days gone by, no. But I don't think that it's a requirement anymore.

meeeeh

Maybe it depends on the priest but the last one only let us choose godparents with all relevant sacraments.

eviltwin

Honestly its a complete non role, you make of it what you want. I have a few god kids, some I never see, some I am very involved with. Just depends, sounds like you would be close to the child regardless of being godfather or not so just carry on as normal. My own kids don't have godparents but would be as close to their aunts and uncles who are, it doesn't seem to translate into special treatment for the godchild unless you want it to.

It seems to be up to each priest, I know people who were told they had to have a male and female, in my nephews case he has two godmothers one of whom wasn't even at the christening.

There was a good thread on the Christianity forum a while ago about this issue that you might want to check out.

Czarcasm

Thought I'd replied to this last night but OP in all honesty you're making a far bigger deal of this than it needs to be.

If you have a moral objection to being asked to be Godfather to your niece, then don't do it. As an atheist, you should know it's effectively a meaningless title and a meaningless ceremony. I mean, you don't believe there's a God, Devil, etc, so you should let it go over your head the very same way you would anyone else who was talking shìte. You're doing it for your sister and her child, the ceremony is really the worst time to be making your objections known. It'll come off as childish tbh if you kick off. Just say no if you think you think you can't bite your lip for half an hour.

TheAntiGodfather wrote: »

Can a non Catholic or Christian or whatever I am be a Godfather out of curiosity?

Yes, of course they can, and atheists can have their children christened too. The CC aren't that strict on a practical level. I'm RC myself and my brother and his wife who are both atheist asked me to be Godfather to their child.

I didn't agree with their decision to have their child christened just to bump their child up the priority ladder for a school place, but I managed to keep my objections to myself, I didn't feel any need to make a big deal of it.

My wife is atheist and our child is christened and we agreed to bring him up in the RC faith. All it means realistically on a practical everyday level is she gets an extra lie-in on a Sunday when we go to mass. If he renounces the church later in life or chooses another religion I'm not going to throw a strop about it. I've educated him in a couple of the major religions (my sister converted to Islam and I have a few Jewish friends and one chap educated my child about his Baha'i faith), so he at least has a good knowledge of other religions and none.

Ande1975

OP,

My brother had his 6 year old daughter christened over Christmas for the exact same reason - to get into a good school. Since my brother couldn't come home for the christening, he asked me and my mom to be the godparents.
To be honest, I'd say that will be the first and only time that little girl will see the inside of a church.

I'm pretty religious myself but my brother isn't. I'm not going to judge him or anyone else for their reasons. I was willing to do it to help him out. As you say you love your sister, then do it for her. Its no big deal really.

The child herself was unusual so my poor brother was terrified she would spit at the priest which had me in near stitches throughout the ceremony.

ongarboy

I'm godfather to two children. Apart from birthday and xmas presents, that's it.

It's your personal choice if you feel you need to be a genuine and practicing Catholic before fulfilling that role but I'm pretty sure the vast majority of godparents nowadays aren't or give it an iota of a thought. Also, I'm pretty certain the vast majority of parents who ask people to be god parents are not expecting that spiritual guidance obligation as it's treated purely as symbolic.

I'd treat it the same as couples who insist on getting married in a Catholic church but never attend Sunday mass or all of us who celebrate Christmas (commercial aspect of it) but do not practice our faith. Are we all hypocrites then? Yes, maybe, but the logic I'd use is that if I feel I'm not actively Catholic enough to be a god parent then, then I should also reconsider putting up a Christmas tree or buying an Easter Egg. You wouldn't see them as conflicts, would you?

meoklmrk91

I have two godchildren, my nephew and a friends daughter, I was young when I stood for my nephew, and while I was also an atheist then but didnt put as much weight into the idea of becoming a god parent, they asked I did it. When my friend asked it was a completely different story and I seriously considered saying no for a while, but my friend knew my views and feelings towards religion, in many ways they felt the same themselves and were just doing the whole thing to placate family members, it was more important to them that the godparents be decent role models as opposed to religious instructors or whatever. So I did it.

For me it means that get a decent present twice a year, I keep an eye out for them and do my best to encourage a close relationship. But they aren't treated any different from my non god children.

If I had my own kids, they wouldn't be christened but I think I would have godparents or oddparents or whatever you want to call them, I think it's a nice sentiment and I think that god parents can have a good influence on a child's life.

MagicMarker

I'd say no.

The Catholic Church has the influence it does because of the apparent number of catholics in this country, they've abused this influence by abusing thousands of children and then covering it up. They will continue to have the influence they do because people like the OPs sister are pressured into getting their children baptised in order to secure entry to a school, where religious instruction is prioritized over the likes of science.

While I can't blame the OPs sister for doing what they feel they have to do, as a matter of principle I couldn't partake in such a charade.

LegacyUser

I rang my sister today and told her I'd do it.

MagicMarker, while I agree the system needs to be changed, I don't think my 4 year old niece is going to lead the way at her age. It's changing anyway, it might just take some time and as my sister said, her daughters probably won't get their children baptised by the time that comes around