Dealing with hostile, openly homosexual colleague

grdaHopeful

About twice a week, I have to sit through snide comments/sweeping generalisations about Catholicism/Catholics during lunch/coffee. It originates primarily from an openly homosexual man who has it in for anything to do with the church. Ironically, he went to a Catholic school and his parents go to Mass every Sunday. Should I report him to HR? I am regularly offended by him and find his remarks unacceptable.

Kristopherus

If you could get another colleague who is also offended to go to HR with you, it would make for a better case.

grdaHopeful

Kristopherus wrote: »

If you could get another colleague who is also offended to go to HR with you, it would make for a better case.

I've been recording and dating his disgusting rhetoric in my notebook. I'm thinking of recording him on my Android.

PeteK*

Don't sit with him.

There's nothing ironic about it, by the way.

eviltwin

not sure what his sexuality has to do with it anyhoo I'd ask him to desist first, give him a chance to deal with it before taking it further, if he doesn't then by all means go to HR.

hawkwind23

you sound deranged
not the sort of person one would want to work alongside and i hope your ratted before someone loses their job over your bitterness

take a deep look at yourself and question why you find him so abhorrent , you may be surprised at what thoughts have been suppressed for so long.

Manach

HR your best bet. Not offering legal advice, but under the Irish employment acts there is, boiling it down, a right not to be harassed at work. This would apply in this situation or if the situation was reserved on this being posted on the LGBT forum. So explain this to HR and they should, being cognisant of the current legislation, should seek to defuse the situation.
Best of luck.

hawkwind23

yeah great advice
tell the truth to HR
you should have your marching orders by the end of the week

grdaHopeful

hawkwind23 wrote: »

yeah great advice
tell the truth to HR
you should have your marching orders by the end of the week

For being a Christian?

desertcircus

grdaHopeful wrote: »

About twice a week, I have to sit through snide comments/sweeping generalisations about Catholicism/Catholics during lunch/coffee. It originates primarily from an openly homosexual man who has it in for anything to do with the church. Ironically, he went to a Catholic school and his parents go to Mass every Sunday. Should I report him to HR? I am regularly offended by him and find his remarks unacceptable.

What relevance does his sexuality have?

grdaHopeful

desertcircus wrote: »

What relevance does his sexuality have?

I don't care if he has sex with camels. I just don't want to hear about what he got up to with his boyfriend over the weekend when I'm eating my lunch (not to mention his garbage mouth when it comes to the mention of named persons [including friends/colleagues of mine]).

eviltwin

grdaHopeful wrote: »

I don't care if he has sex with camels. I just don't want to hear about what he got up to with his boyfriend over the weekend when I'm eating my lunch (not to mention his garbage mouth when it comes to the mention of named persons [including friends/colleagues of mine]).

that's not a hr issue, if you don't like it move away.

shamrock55

Would you report him if he was a straight man, is it his sexuality or his dislike of the church that bothers you, is there anywhere else you could have your lunch, do you have to sit near this guy?

hfallada

Everyone makes sweeping generalisations about the Irish Catholic Church and these generalisations are often made for a reason. Because they are often through. A lot of Irish people are incredible upset and angry with the catholic church and they are have the right to express their opinion. This men is also a catholic( membership of the catholic church is for live) and he is entitled to express his opinion of his religion.

The fact that believe these comments are coming from "an open homosexual" rather than just a male colleague kind of hints that you may have an issue with his sexuality. I havent heard a person calling a gay person a homosexual in years and its considered a backward term. I think you should ask your colleague do they find his comments offensive. But more importantly you should look at whether you are being judgmental towards him

hawkwind23

grdaHopeful wrote: »

For being a Christian?

no for being judgemental on your work colleague and his sexuality and his religion.

you are within your right to be a Christian

you do not have the right to ask for him to be sacked because of his sexuality or religion, or bizarrely that of his parents.

if you find he is offensive to you personally then the obvious route would be to tell him this rather than recording him on Android phones and the like.
perhaps mutual respect could be gained from this.

eviltwin

What exactly is the issue here? His comments re the Church or the comments about his personal life? Does anyone else have an issue with it?

riffmongous

Does he say these things knowing you are religious and focusing on you?

Also you should avoid anything to do with 'why' he says things about the Church and focus on what he says and how it relates to you. His sexuality is irrelevant.

Stereomaniac

hawkwind23 wrote: »

no for being judgemental on your work colleague and his sexuality and his religion.

you are within your right to be a Christian

you do not have the right to ask for him to be sacked because of his sexuality or religion, or bizarrely that of his parents.

if you find he is offensive to you personally then the obvious route would be to tell him this rather than recording him on Android phones and the like.
perhaps mutual respect could be gained from this.

I don't think she at any point suggested she wanted him sacked.

Jogathon

I'd agree with just saying it quietly to him. Say that you don't want to hear about his sex life, that you don't want to know about anyone's sex life! And tell him that the church is very important to you, that you understand that it's something that he hates, but that you find it hard to hear when you're trying to relax and enjoy your lunch. Religion and politics are topics best avoided anyway!

If you say it in a reasonable and friendly manner then I'm sure he'd understand where you're coming from. I would probably mention it to a manager first, explaining that you want to deal with it yourself quietly but that covers you in case he takes it the wrong way. (Pardon the pun)

Femme_Fatale

grdaHopeful wrote: »

Ironically, he went to a Catholic school and his parents go to Mass every Sunday.

No irony at all. But you shouldn't have to be listening to him insult your faith. I'd say talk to him first.

grdaHopeful wrote: »

For being a Christian?

Obviously not what they said; I think they mean you'd be better off not bringing his sexuality into any complaint you make.

fupduck

If you find his remarks offensive why can you not challenge him to justify them? a simple 'why did you say that?' often suffices, and a reply, or lack of , is very telling.

btw, people do have the right of free speech in this country, just as you have the right to be offended by it, but just because you are offended does not mean that you are in fact right.
A question people can always ask themselves is 'why do I feel offended by that?'

desertcircus

grdaHopeful wrote: »

I don't care if he has sex with camels. I just don't want to hear about what he got up to with his boyfriend over the weekend when I'm eating my lunch (not to mention his garbage mouth when it comes to the mention of named persons [including friends/colleagues of mine]).

If you don't care about his homosexuality, then you wouldn't have brought it up unprompted in a complaint about something else entirely. It seems as though this colleague discusses two things in a way you find offensive - sex and the Catholic Church. In both cases, the option that you're most likely to succeed with is politely explaining that you'd prefer if he didn't discuss either around you - while leaving his sexuality entirely out of the conversation.

I should also point out that if the tone of your opening post is consistent with how you behave in work, there's a decent chance the people you work with regard you as homophobic. If that is the case, anything more than that polite request could be a disaster even if you make no mention of his sexuality at any point.

Oops69

Simply put , you're a homophobe , this is quite clear from you're opening post , get a life .

nuckeythompson

When you start playing HR games , I can assure you this one will come back to bite you in the ass

Whatsgonewrong

grdaHopeful wrote: »

About twice a week, I have to sit through snide comments/sweeping generalisations about Catholicism/Catholics during lunch/coffee. It originates primarily from an openly homosexual man who has it in for anything to do with the church. Ironically, he went to a Catholic school and his parents go to Mass every Sunday. Should I report him to HR? I am regularly offended by him and find his remarks unacceptable.

The fact he went to catholic school means absolutely nothing, the majority of Ireland have unfortunately had to go.

Now, Is It now a bit hypocritical to say he has made comments about the church and the religion? When the church is saying that he is wrong to live his life how he wants to live it. And the fact that most devote christains will always try to ram their opinion down your throat?

lets be honest, religion is the cause of worldwide hate amongst the population. Without it we would all be much happier ! I know I am

Benny_Cake

Mod: I'm not sure where you're going with this OP. Problems with a colleague would probably be best suited to Work Problems, or possibly Ranting & Raving. Debates about homosexuality on this forum are confined to the megathread which you can find linked on the charter.

You've been given some good advice here so I'm closing this for now before it becomes a mess. Feel free to drop me a PM if you feel this is unfair.