Friend won't talk to me

Happy_Days34

Hi all,

Had a big fight with my friend. Won't go into it too much but I had a few drinks and was giving advice where it wasn't welcome. We spoke the next day, she was upset, I apologised and I hope she would forgive me. It's a month later and she won't reply to my calls or texts. She lives in the UK so it's hard for me to see her face to face. What should I do? I don't want to lose her.

December2012

You can't take back what you said. Unasked for advice usually has the effect you've got.

You could send an apology text, and tell your friend you would love to put it behind you if possible, but you have to leave it up to her.

Tokyo

You can't force the issue.

You had a fight, words were said, it happens. You were mature enough to go to her the next day and apologise. However, it wasn't a serious blow-out, and and there comes a point where the aggrieved party has to be adult enough to accept the apology given and move past it.

If she's an adult and your friendship is worth anything to you, she will do exactly that. If she doesn't, then she's either being childish, or your friendship isn't as important to her as it should be. Either way you have done your part - the ball is in her court now.

Happy_Days34

Thanks guys, I feel so useless. What can I do? We use to speak everyday. She is quite stubborn as a person. Don't know if I should force the issue and go over and see her

December2012

Don't go over to her.
Don't hassle her.

Just pause what you're doing for a while.

retro:electro

Unfortunately yours is one of those posts where content is key in order to give any kind of constuctive advice. We don't know what you said to hurt her, nor can we hazard a guess, but whatever you said obviously wasn't welcomed by her.
I wouldn't push it though, she knows your sorry and contacting her everyday when she is obviously still annoyed is just going to make matters worse. Give her some time and she will come around, if not then maybe what you said to her was too hard for her to forget.

Happy_Days34

I said that she was wrong for staying with a bf that cheated on her

Tokyo

mike_ie wrote: »

You can't force the issue.

Happy_Days34 wrote: »

Don't know if I should force the issue and go over and see her

What do you think going over to her is going to achieve? You've apologised for (rightly or wrongly) calling her out over going back to her boyfriend. She's now in a position where she can either accept that, or dwell on it. Turning up on her doorstep to beg forgiveness seems to be quite over the top for what was a relatively minor thing to argue over, all things considered.

But I get the impression that this is exactly what you want to be told to do - to jump on a plane and knock on her door and all will be forgiven.

retro:electro

Well if this is the case then I don't see why you should apologise for what you said? Unless you were overly rude about the situation but as a friend I think you did the right thing in telling her that, even tho your timing (drunk) and perhaps your tone may have offended her. However if I were you I wouldn't feel too bad in saying what you said, you were only trying to be a friend.
I still wouldn't go hopping on a plane to see her though, you've said you're sorry so don't make a fool of yourself and go begging for her forgiveness, she's being a bit stubborn if ya ask me..

dellas1979

Sounds like you were stating your opinion than giving advice? Lesson learned there. Dont stick your nose in where its not wanted. No matter how right you think you might be or how strongly you feel about something.

Happy_Days34 wrote: »

Thanks guys, I feel so useless. What can I do? We use to speak everyday. She is quite stubborn as a person. Don't know if I should force the issue and go over and see her

You cant take back what you said. It might be the truth, but it mightve shocked her. If youve honestly learned a lesson, apologise, like youve done, and leave her be.

stargazer 68

Happy_Days34 wrote: »

I said that she was wrong for staying with a bf that cheated on her

Op I think she knows that you are right but is upset at you for not supporting her decision. Let things lie for a while and then try again in a couple of weeks or so.

Starokan

There is only so much apologising you can do, you have texted and called over the course of a month and she has not had the manners to respond to you.

Its really hard to lose a friend but in this case there is no more you can do. Focus on the fact that you did all you could do to repair things, the rest is up to her. In my opinion it is you who deserve an apology, its not much of a friend that would ignore someone for a month.

meeeeh

OP, you didn't exactly elaborate on details, but whenever she has to talk to you she is reminded that you disapprove of her life decisions. She felt very fragile and hurt anyway and your criticism probably just compiled the pain. Only time or possible break up with bf can heal that.

Obliq

OP, if she's still with the bf you mentioned then she'd have great difficulty being both still with him and friends with someone who doesn't support her relationship. If that's the case, then it looks to me like she's made a choice for the bf, rather than you. Sorry if I'm right.

Ham Sambo

I always find that the longer it is left to start talking to somebody after a row the harder it is to make up, ask a mutual friend to step in, don't give up on her yet, we have all done or said something we regret after a feed of drink!