What is it?

Blondy301

Im 30 year old female, extremely outgoing and always have been.

Over the past 5 years i have struggled with my weight and have been at my heaviest in the last 18 months. I know this has effected my confidence and been a major issue for me.

About two years ago i was at an Entraprenuer meeting and literally froze when it was my turn to speak, i started off fine and then stopped speaking midway so the forum holder basically stepped up and smoothed it over for me.
I spoke to her afterwards and she siad you were absolutely fine and then you stopped speaking. She suggested i try Toastmasters thatd shed never be able to speak publicly without it.

After that, the issue seemed to grow arms and legs, 6 months later i started having episodes whereby i felt panic in certain situations, it only lasted a few seconds and all i can describe it as is pure dread and wanting to run away from the person. I didnt have any pshyscial symptoms ie chest pain, breath shortness etc just a wave of dread from the bottom of my stomach. I am usually able to control it by distracting myself or tieing my shoe lace or fiddling with something and the person doesnt know how awkward i feel.

Only once i actually thought i was going to collapse, i told the person i didnt feel well and she went off to get my water. The second she left i was perfectly fine.

Over the past six months i have been fine again but i was out saturday night to dinner with a bunch of women and i was absolutely fine, i told a story to ten of them and was fine but later on in the dinner one of them asked me how was life and three of them were looking, and all of a sudden the wave came. I rode it out by pretending phone was ringing but it was awful. The only thing i know is happening is internal talk to myself whereby a voice in my head is saying oh they know they can see how anxious you are, the cat is out of the bag, what are you going to do, you look so awkward, you have to say something, your going to collapse.

This is all only lasting 10 maybe 20 seconds but puts the fear of god through me and its the only thing i take away from the evening. These are a bunch of girls who i dont feel any ways insecure or inferior or underminded etc to, if anything id be alot more confident that them. I just dont understand.

I have been to a public speaking class and done well. I have been to reiki etc and been told that im very sensitive and im picking up on other peoples anxiety but there was no way the woman on saturday night were anxious, they were drinking and i wasnt.

I would love to know more about what happens to me. I can get out of it. Following my bout of dread Sat night i was fine again and chatting away to everyone! I would love to undertand what it is. I really have so much i want to be able to do and i would love to be sure this dread thing doesnt happen.
I wonder if i loose the weight will i illimenate it and i am trying my best at the moment. I spoke to my doctor who said i can have anxiety tablets if i want but id rather work through it myself. I thought it was strange that it happended on Saturday after not happening for along time.

I am scared to get in certain situations in case it happens again. One example is i hate going to huge big supermarkets on my own. I know its ridiculous considering i have only had one epsiode (happened in tesco)where i couldnt talk myself out of and its only a matter of seconds but it feels soooo awful.

I would love to hear if anyone understands.

Ruu

I notice you have this posted in another forum as well, which is probably the best place for it. I would suggest you wait for a response there. After Hours probably isn't the best area for your post. Thanks.