I love my best friend...We're both girls

timesawasting

Hey guys I'd really appreciate some guidance. So I have very strong feelings for my best friend of 3 years ! From the moment I noticed her I had 'a thing' for her but my feelings have skyrocketed in the last year alone. I haven't told anyone how I feel and I really don't know how to handle this ! We've both always identified as straight as far as I know. She's incredibly shy, insecure and has very little confidence. She's not sexually experienced at all (she's only kissed guys). I'm not very sexually experienced either but I have much more than her.

We visit each other once or twice a week and we usually just cuddle in each others bedrooms. But we full on cuddle ! I wrap my arms around her waist and she runs her hands through my hair. We always tell each we love one another and kiss each other cheeks and foreheads etc This has been going on for over a year but has heated up a lot in the last 6 months. I have kissed her chest and have even given her hickeys...I mostly kiss her ears, neck, shoulders and collarbones now and she does the same to me ! In the last month its gotten incredibly raunchy...Sometimes I kiss her waist over her clothes) cas she goes limp and I find it hilarious :P anyway I was doing it one day and I kept doing it and she was really enjoying it ! She rolled around so I kissed her back too (over her clothes)...I then lifted up her top and started kissing her bare back, hips, waist and stomach. She seemed to be really into it and she was running her hands through my hair or rubbing my back. She was kinda moaning...breathing faster, getting warmer, fidgeting and rotating her hips slightly. And she did the same to me ! We do this kinda thing every time we visit.

I'm confused guys ? I'm surprised that she'd do this kinda thing in the first place cas shes very shy ! And I just want to say that I ALWAYS ask her if she's okay with what we're doing and I always ask before I do anything I think we've definitely crossed the boundary of friendship She doesn't do this kinda thing with anyone else (nor do I) and we don't tell anyone what we get up to ! Guys what do you think ? I know that she likes what we do cas she says so But I don't know if she returns my feelings ? And I don't know if I should approach her about it cas I don't want to ruin the friendship ! Are we just experimenting ? or something more ? Shes not the kinda girl to just fool around ! there always has to be feelings involved (we had a convo about friends with benefits). i really like her guys and don't know what to do ! Its very hard to see anyone else when you like someone this much ! Ideas guys ?

Mr.Frame

The only way you are going to know if she,s ok with what you are both doing is ask her.
As you said ,by all accounts you have both crossed the line of just being "friends".

Yes you may be experimenting ,nothing wrong with that, or there could be something more .

No one on here knows ,you cant second guess what your friend is thinking ,so ask her .

Ambersky

timesawasting says
we don't tell anyone what we get up to !

Im a bit confused as to what you are saying or asking really in this your very first post on boards. First off you dont seem to be wasting any time as your board name suggests and secondly you have told us all what you get up to in very vivid and entertaining detail

And I don't know if I should approach her about it cas I don't want to ruin the friendship !

Again you seem to have done more than just approach her :cool: this has gone well past a shy approach and your well into the regular physical expression stage. If your post is genuine and you are genuine in your feelings for this woman all there is to do is talk about it. Simple.
It could go like this during one of her visits.
"Well ****** I was wondering how you feel about me because I feel ............ about you"
Then she says either "I feel the same about you" in which case you work out what that means for both of you and how you mean to continue. Or she says "No I dont feel the same about you" in which case you have to decide do you still want to go on with this sexual activity even if her emotions dont match yours.
You know your own feelings OP and having sexual and emotional feelings for another woman first off has implications for you and you have to figure out what you want for yourself first and foremost.

People can get very hurt by continuing in situations where both parties are allowed to behave unconsciously, without talking about whats going on or facing up to what it all means. In particular if both parties dont want the same thing the longer it goes on the more hurt the person who is investing time and emotion into the relationship can get when told it was all just a bit of messing around. Your job Op is to know how you feel, to tell the truth about that and to leave it open for the other woman to do the same. After that it doesnt matter so much at this stage what labels that puts on anyone, the first job is to be open and honest what is happening here and now.

I hope you are genuine and I hope she feels the same about you as you say you do for her.

timesawasting

Hi guys thank you so much for replying I promise you guys that I'm genuine and that I'm not spamming ! I just want some advice when I said 'We don't tell anyone what we get up to' I mean that its only me and her (and now you guys) that know what we do ! Like we haven't told anyone what we get up to behind closed doors. And she obviously wants to keep it a secret because if someone knocks on the door or comes in she jumps up almost like she got a fright.

I gave ye such vivid details so ye could judge and see if ye think that theres feelings on her behalf. And when I said 'And I don't know if I should approach her about it cas I don't want to ruin the friendship!' I mean that I don't know if I should tell her how I feel I don't want to hurt her ! And I want to be friends no matter what She's moving in 2 months for a year so I feel like I'm on a time limit ! And I am scared that she'll find someone....but if you does I'll deal with it I just want her happy. Thank you so much for replying though I can see that you put a lot of thought and time into your reply I just want to add in that I'm 19 and she's 18 and sorry if my typing is awful I've MS And overall my questions are:
-Do you think she feels something too
-Should I tell her ?
-How should I tell her ?
Thanks guys
xxx

Call Me Jimmy

I can't advise that much, but that was one heartwarming post! If I was in any situation like that, especially at that age I wouldn't want to make a big conversation out of it. It sounds like it's naturally going places. I understand though with her moving away it presses things a bit. I would just go with the flow and let things go the way they go.

Imo, two people in a situation like that really like each other, and as you say she is shy that probably makes you pretty special to her, I have a feeling you's may be close even after she moves away and comes back etc.

A lesson I relearned just the other day was to realllly enjoy the moment fully.

All the best

timesawasting

Thanks for posting dude haha I'm glad you found it heart warming I read over it and said 'Oh dear god it sounds like soft lesbian porn !' But thats not the impression I'm trying to present ! We're bestfriends really close but this is the additional stuff we get up to...I dont want to put her on the spot eitheir so I'll try and make it sound half casual lol. I want her to understand that I really do like her

Ambersky

Thanks for the clarification timesawasting I was a bit wary mostly because of the soft porn vibe on a first post. Sometimes people like to present situations like this for their own amusement and I hate getting drawn into that.

Funnily enough when I was 18 and thats a long time ago I was in a situation something similar to you. It went on for several years and we called ourselves "special friends" like no one outside of it could really understand it but us and with her saying there wasnt really any need to define it. It was so beautiful it was beyond definition she would say. This was before there were forums like this, or gay men and women on telly and magazines etc so I had nothing to compare it to and who knew maybe we were nothing like anyone else. I thought I loved her so much I didnt need to insist on my being the only one in her life, but that was a load of complete and utter bo**ocks.
By not naming it she didnt have to look at what was happening or take any responsibility for her part in it or declare any feelings or lack of feelings and it could go on and on untill something she could take seriously and be public about came along. It also meant I couldnt look for or expect any respect for the relationship I was in or for myself in that relationship. When she showed up with a man who was I to object, nobody, I was nobody, just her jealous friend that nobody not even my own mother could understand. In this case my girlfriend got married had kids and never contacted me again. Thats a long time ago as I say and I thought a story like that belonged to a time period when people didnt know what gay or bisexual was and people didnt talk about a lot of things that got brushed under carpets.

You Op are living in a different time period. You knew enough to contact the LGBT forum. There is loads of information out there about being gay or bi and there are loads of groups of like minded people for you to talk to and socialise with. This is something that has been ongoing for at least a year in your life. You are not special, she is not special, in that your story is not unique many others have found themselves in a simular situation. By not talking about it you leave yourself open to a lot of heartbreak should she turn around and say she was just going along with what you wanted and with what you were doing but it wasnt something she was really into herself.

Talking about it can start in any number of ways, you can rehearse it or you can just start with "I would like to talk with you about my feelings are you ok with that" All you can do is talk about your feelings, its not your place to imagine hers, its her job to talk about her feelings. Spending loads of time imagining and developing stories about how she feels is simply a waste of time and a distraction from the job in hand which is knowing more about yourself and taking responsibility for that by knowing and saying who you are and what you want and what you are prepared and not prepared to give.
If she has feelings for you that would be great and it would mean facing up to and taking responsibility both for your own feelings individually and for the fact that you are in a relationship with one another, not just messing around.
If she isnt into you the sooner you know that the better. The longer it goes on the more your feelings will develop and the deeper the hurt when she does tell you she does not feel the same if thats how things are.

As a general rule in life the adage "Tell the Truth and Tell it Sooner" is often a good one to live by, it can save a lot of hassle and misunderstanding believe me. The truth in question here is Your Truth whatever that may be. We owe the truth to ourselves and to each other.
I hope she does have feelings for you that are the same as yours are for her.

timesawasting

I assure you that I'm not trolling I wouldn't want to waste anyones time and I really do appreciate the replies But I can see why you'd think that ! I read over it and said 'oh god it sounds like the beginning of porn...' I'm not comfortable talking about this with friends or family so that's why I'm here seeking advice Thanks for sharing your story but I'm sorry the way it ended your very honest and I appreciate that Your totally right about everything I think I need to get it out there and stop wondering and making up scenarios in my head. I don't want either off us to get hurt but I guess I'll have to get it out. It's making me crazy ! Thank you so much for all your help

Ambersky

Things for you dont have to turn out as they did for me. I hope this is just the beginning of a hot fabulous romance for you both. If its not then its the beginning of another fabulous romance between you and maybe someone you havent even met yet but who will love the strong honest loving person you are growing into. Its going to be great.

pharmaton

no panic, my soft porn has hot adults in it.
anyway, it appears you are already both intimately involved with each other, I don't get why there is confusion about taking it out of the box and slapping a label on it, so to speak.

shamrock55

Is there anything else yee like to do together (it could be important);)

timesawasting

Pharmatom what do you mean by 'no panic, my soft porn has hot adults in it.' ? You see girls can be soo close that way ! but its not just purely physical we connect emotionally too I've never clicked with anyone so well in my entire life Shamrock your question totally had sexual innuendo lol but no thats pretty much all we get up too :P we hold hands watching movies sometimes when we cuddle I kinda hover over her lips unsure whether I should kiss her or not ! I have MS and am in pretty bad health so I don't get to have a 'normal' life anyone but we used to do yano just normal stuff go to cinema, go clubbing, go to bars, go to restaurants etc

timesawasting

Oh and Pharmatom we haven't put a label on anything cas I don't know whether she sees it purely as friendly or more...

shamrock55

Look i just think the next time you are being intimate with her you should just come out and say(maybe in a playfull manner) to her does she think anything a little bit more serious could come out of your relationship, that you enjoy the way yee are now but its something thats been playing on your mind for a while now and you would like to know what she thinks about it, happy days!!

timesawasting

Thanks for replying I know that I have to ! I'm just scared of losing her or making it awkward cas we're friends with All the same people and I'm afraid they'd find out ! Next time I think I'll let her lead like I won't do anything I'll make her come to me and I won't do anything for ages (to tease her and I don't mean it in a disrespectful way). And maybe I'll do something spontaneous

pharmaton

timesawasting wrote: »

Pharmatom what do you mean by 'no panic, my soft porn has hot adults in it.' ? You see girls can be soo close that way ! but its not just purely physical we connect emotionally too I've never clicked with anyone so well in my entire life Shamrock your question totally had sexual innuendo lol but no thats pretty much all we get up too :P we hold hands watching movies sometimes when we cuddle I kinda hover over her lips unsure whether I should kiss her or not ! I have MS and am in pretty bad health so I don't get to have a 'normal' life anyone but we used to do yano just normal stuff go to cinema, go clubbing, go to bars, go to restaurants etc

I mean I wasn't turned on by the rolling around on the bed stuff in your post. It was just a lighthearted comment in response to your being afraid it would be perceived as soft porn.
I wouldn't agree that girls do that stuff all the time. I'm mostly a girl and the last time my straight friends rolled me around in their bedroom to kiss my stomach I was probably about five and we were playing doctors. (suspected appendicitis, kisses made it better) I hear gay/bi girls do it a quite a bit tho.
The less said about the other girls I've rolled around with the better. (they weren't playing doctors)

timesawasting

Aw I see sorry I'm stoopid I thought that perhaps you thought I was spamming Really ? I know people that have made out with their best friends (but they were highly intoxicated ) hahaha that so cute kisses make everything better so do you think she feels the same ? I'm just curious cas I know for a fact that shes kissed only about 4 or 5 guys (not that theres anything wrong with that) so I just ask myself she wouldn't be doing this unless you felt something ?

pharmaton

timesawasting wrote: »

Aw I see sorry I'm stoopid I thought that perhaps you thought I was spamming Really ? I know people that have made out with their best friends (but they were highly intoxicated ) hahaha that so cute kisses make everything better so do you think she feels the same ? I'm just curious cas I know for a fact that shes kissed only about 4 or 5 guys (not that theres anything wrong with that) so I just ask myself she wouldn't be doing this unless you felt something ?

well I do wonder. As it is your both old enough to know what you're doing but the only person who can answer your question is your friend.

timesawasting

Your so right Theres been times where we've been doing stuff and we've said 'this would look bad if someone came in' but we carry on. Shes so shy as well so it surprises me ! Yup I'm 19 she's 18 we're certainly old enough to know what we're doing !

Scaldy Ned

Sorry to reply to this but here goes.....If you look at my other thread here you'll see i'm probably not the best person for advice...BUT...I do know this much.
My Daughters friend came out to her two years ago, they were both 23.She told my Daughter that she had loved her from afar for a few years....My Daughter told her she was not gay but begged her not to stop being her friend because of this.....They have since formed a very special bond and she has encouraged her friend to grow and expand her horizons....My point is this, If your friend does not reciprocate your feelings ......do not finish your relationship with her. Real friends are harder to come by than lovers.....Do not lose her as a friend

Ambersky

Your daughter Scaldy Ned was able to tell her friend that she herself was not gay and although her friend had loved her from afar for years she probably wasnt going to be saying about that "friendship"

In the last month its gotten incredibly raunchy..........
We do this kinda thing every time we visit. ..............
I think we've definitely crossed the boundary of friendship

I think you are presenting things from the perspective of the straight woman in such a scenario, asking the gay person not to push the straight person away if she does not feel attracted to her. Thats nice that you are looking for a continuation of friendship and maybe you are learning to see things a bit more from the perspective of LGBT people as a continuation from your previous thread. Maybe some gay people do push their straight friends away when they find out they have no use for them anymore seeing as the attraction isnt reciprocated but I would imagine that is not the usual side the break up of the friendship happens from.

These two women havent simply been holding hands and acting like the bestest of friends like probably your daughter and her friend were, or were they Scaldy Ned, I dont know. The problem that sometimes arises when one party comes out and names whats going on and makes a statment about their own desires and sexuality is that this then throws it back on the "friend" to take a look at her own sexuality.
Most of the time we are just presumed heterosexual from birth and most of the time people go along with that, until they cant anymore and that stepping out of the norm can be difficult.

Sometimes people get angry when they dont want to face up to something and can get especially angry with the person who is putting it up to them. If like your daughter someone is secure in their sexuality it should be no issue to them that their friend is gay because they are secure enough to know that is not a negative reflection on they themselves.
If someone is insecure, questioning and not happy about the possibility that they may be something other than straight then they will sometimes make it out to be all about the person near them who is declaring themselves to be gay, put all the blame and responsibility on them and maybe even push them away altogether in an effort to get away from their own sexuality. Most of the time what we LGBT people worry about is our straight friends rejecting us, even and maybe especially those we have been known to share a kiss or two with. Thats where the fear usually lies not in the feeling that if she turns out to be straight Im having no more to do with her. The Op is saying she does not want to loose her lover as a friend

And I don't know if I should approach her about it cas I don't want to ruin the friendship !

but she is afraid of the consequences of talking to her about whats going on, she is saying she is afraid of rejection she is not talking about rejecting a woman who is straight.

timesawasting

Thank you so much for replying guys Scaldy Ned I will always want her as my friend no matter what ! I'm not going to assume anything cas I don't wanna get my hopes up so I'm prepared to hear that she doesn't feel the same way. i just want her happy it would be incredibly difficult to see her with someone else but I could push through... I'm just curious thats all cas I've never been this close to any of my friends. Thanks Ambersky you explained it perfectly my number 1 fear is losing her and then it could have a domino effect on the rest of my friends ! Thing is I just like her. I never look at other girls in that way it just happened with her because we've become so close (she's been helping me through my MS diagnoses) ! And of course I still fancy guys but its my sexuality that worries me its just the way people would react !

timesawasting

And I hope that I'm not pressuring her cas I've thought about it alot and I most certainly dont initiate everything. And I always make sure shes okay and if she's comfortable with what we're doing.

Ambersky

There is a saying that it isnt the first woman who makes you gay.
Its the second.

Of course nobody can make you gay but I think that joke is referring to the way we often say its just because of this special friendship or this special woman and it wouldnt happen with anyone else its just her who brings this thing out in me. Sometimes thats true it is something that only happens with one person but life will tell. Maybe this is the start of a lifelong romance and there will be no question of another woman and maybe you will get the opportunity to find out who else of either gender you could be attracted to.
Your just at the beginning of finding out what you like.

timesawasting

time will tell

Blogatron52

Hey Timesawasting! Just to chime in and say..don't worry too much about your situation.. Try to relax, not stress and let it be as natural as it has been. Exact same thing happened with me and my friend when we were 17/18 and we ended up being together for 6 years either way, take it easy! All the best!

timesawasting

thanks Blogatron52 :-) i do find it stressful especially since shes leaving soon and she'll be gone for a year ! I'm afraid that shell fing someone else I'll have to tell her but I'm afraid I'll lose her completely

ThunbergsAreGo

Just came across this on the "latest posts". Just wanted to say good luck and hope it all turns out well for you!

I think you may regret not saying anything, and hope you find the courage to say something

timesawasting

thanks i know that I'll regret it if I don't say anything ! I might try to kiss her !when we're together and we're in be we kiss incredibly close to the lips. Maybe shes dropping me hints but then I again I may only be choosing to see it as that cas thats how I want to see it ! Shes going to America soon is there any meaningful gift I could get her ?