ex hit me accidentally

LegacyUser

Hi, i posted here before two months ago when i broke up with my ex of six years and got great advice. was starting to feel a bit more positive after about a month then he started contacting me wanting to meet because he was really down. i met him a few times then realised it was setting me back so made excuses not to meet. i also realised i owed him nothing because he refused to commit to me which is why we finished. and after getting a bit of space from him i knew i had a lucky escape because he was insanely jealous, controlling and verged on emotionally abusive at times. he also had a serious temper.

Anyway last week i spoke to him because i had a big night out planned and didn't want to run into him out. we had a really civil conversation and agreed to go to different bars. Cut to the end of the night out, i came out of the bar, was speaking to a man and saw the ex glaring at me across the street. i went over to calm him down, my male friend came over to see if i was ok, my ex tried to hit him and got me instead. I ended up in a and e and injury still ongoing but wont be permanent.

He was obviously very sorry, he asked me to get back with him which i never thought he would do. of course i said no and now he's decided to leave the country next month.

and now ridiculously im heartbroken. i miss him so much but i know i can't go back to him. but its breaking my heart. any advice to help me snap out of it and realise i have to let him go from my life

Tokyo

Your ex hit you because he couldn't control his temper. It's that simple. It doesn't matter that he meant to his someone else, the fact is, he lashed out mindlessly at a stranger to him because you were talking to another guy, nothing else.

The man has a lot of work to do on himself if that's the case, and you are better off (and safer) far away from him.

Eeden

Stay away from this ex.

Work on your self esteem issues if you even think that someone who could be violent to ANYONE is a good enough partner for you.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear what happened OP , but you have dodged an almighty bullet in breaking free from this man. Context is everything, the fact he missed the guy you were speaking to and thumped you instead is unfortunate, but he really showed his true colours by swinging out in the first place. There is NO excuse for his behaviour, even if he is hurting from the breakup after mulling it over. My advice is just steer clear, and fingers crossed he heads abroad. Hard as it is now, you will look back on it in years to come as a blessing in disguise. In the mean time, you have to concentrate on being good to yourself. Get some professional help as in counselling if you need to. Give yourself some time to grieve events, and then move on. Get busy with a project you may have in the back of your mind to do, or set some achievable goal for the next few months....like running a 5k or knitting a scarf....something to focus on.
You will survive this, but it will take time.
Best of luck with it.

Big Bag of Chips

i had a lucky escape because he was insanely jealous, controlling and verged on emotionally abusive at times. he also had a serious temper.

Just keep telling yourself this bit. And whether intentionally or not, it's also now turned physical. Things are never going to get better with this fella. They will just decline further.

No more contact with him now. You owe him nothing.

CaraMay

He is a thug. Ok so he hit you my accident but the fact remains that he intended to hit someone. You do not need violent people in your life. You do not need this drama in your life but tbh you are feeding it given your contact with him.

I wouldn't just cut contact with him I would get a barring order.

Typer Monkey

You need to stop contacting him 'arranging to go to different bars' (telling him where you'll be) and 'going over to calm him down' (feeding the drama).

Ignore him. If he's hassling you and assaulting people you are with, call the Gaurds. He is a violent, jealous, dangerous person and you have a responsibility to safeguard yourself and your friends.

Stavro Mueller

It's for the best that he's going to England - I hope for your sake that he does go. It is doing you no good whatsoever that you're still in some kind of contact with him. It's as if part of you is afraid to close the door on him and now you're upset because he says he's moving away.

Have you spoken to anyone about this? Maybe you do - perhaps saying all these things out loud would do you good. You know he's no good for you and you've had a lucky escape. You didn't say in your post anything about him being violent to you during the relationship so this may have been a sneak preview of what was coming down the lines.

LegacyUser

OP again, thanks so much for the replies. ive blocked him off all my social media and have his number blocked off my phone til i can get a new number. ive spoke about all of this with my friends and family but i feel like they're sick listening to it so i think ill look into counselling which i know will help. Im not tempted to contact him, i just find it hard to ignore him when he contacts me. so i made it harder for him to do so and im going to come back and read this thread if he does contact to remind myself i owe him nothing. thanks everyone ill look back on this in a few months and laugh that i ever thought he was right for me.

Addle

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Ignore him. If he's hassling you and assaulting people you are with, call the Gaurds. He is a violent, jealous, dangerous person and you have a responsibility to safeguard yourself and your friends.

& don't cross the road to talk to him, especially when you're with another man.

purplecow1977

sicily wrote: »

Hi, i posted here before two months ago when i broke up with my ex of six years and got great advice.

Was the advice to stay away from him?
Why are you still even in contact with him?
When is that ever a good idea?
Why would you have to fill him in on your plans for a night out?
To be honest, the minute I heard 'we agreed to go to separate bars' I knew it wouldn't end up like that.

sicily wrote: »

i owed him nothing because he refused to commit to me which is why we finished. and after getting a bit of space from him i knew i had a lucky escape because he was insanely jealous, controlling and verged on emotionally abusive at times. he also had a serious temper.

But you miss him????

sicily wrote: »

He was obviously very sorry, he asked me to get back with him which i never thought he would do. of course i said no and now he's decided to leave the country next month.

This is probably an empty threat to try and convince you to get back with him. Do NOT have any more contact with this thug.

sicily wrote: »

and now ridiculously im heartbroken. i miss him so much but i know i can't go back to him. but its breaking my heart. any advice to help me snap out of it and realise i have to let him go from my life

I really can't understand why you would be heartbroken.
Do you have that little self-confidence that you cannot see what is WRONG with this whole situation?

Get away from him & drop ALL contact. I pray for your own sanity and safety that he DOES move to a country!

P. Breathnach

sicily wrote: »

...
and now ridiculously im heartbroken. i miss him so much but i know i can't go back to him. but its breaking my heart...

That, more than his temper and violence, is what worries me.

You know what you need to do, and you seem willing to do it. That's good.

Your feeling bad about says something important: it's a typical reaction to having been in an abusive relationship. It's something that you need to get past. Some people need professional help in recovering from having been in an abusive situation. If you have difficulty in deleting him from you mind as well as from your phone, consider seeing a counsellor.

LegacyUser

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Was the advice to stay away from him?
Why are you still even in contact with him?
When is that ever a good idea?
Why would you have to fill him in on your plans for a night out?

But you miss him????

I really can't understand why you would be heartbroken.
Do you have that little self-confidence that you cannot see what is WRONG with this whole situation?



Thanks for the reply. I know when you look at it logically it sounds utterly ridiculous, i can see that myself. but when youre with someone for six years and living with them its very hard to just turn off your feelings. Even though my head knows im so well shot of him its taking a while for my heart to catch up. Which is why i started this thread and will read back on it when im feeling bad for him or missing him.

purplecow1977

Definitely keep reminding yourself.
Our head knows best, our heart doesn't!

December2012

Remember -

He may have "accidentally" hit you, but he "intentionally" hit somebody you were with just because.

blatantrereg

Typer Monkey wrote: »

[You need to stop] 'going over to calm him down' (feeding the drama).

This is important. It's like giving a dog a biscuit because it's growling at your friend. Maybe the dog will stop growling for a moment, but it learns that growling at your friend = biscuit.

heretochat

It doesn't matter one jot whether he intended to hit you or not. Thuggish behaviour is thuggish behaviour.

You are better off without the likes of him so let him off to wherever it is he is going.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Blocking him from social media and your phone is fine, but you are not going to fix the problem this way alone. He needs to know you mean business and any further contact with you will be dealt with by the police.


I havnt been contacted by him for a few days now so im hoping he'll leave me alone. i dont want to contact him at all so im hoping if he does contact and i ignore it hell get the hint. if not i can take it further if necessary.


I do not understand why you find it hard to ignore him - unless you are afraid of him, which is even more worrying.

honestly i am a bit afraid of him, he is very unpredictable but im going to arrange counselling tomorrow because im sick of living on my nerves.