think I fancy my flat mate

LegacyUser

Moved into a new house a week or two ago and have been getting on real wellwith one of the girls. We talk a lot and have had a couple late nights with a few drinks. I'm a sucker for thinking things through and terrible at making the first move or reading signs but I can't help but feel I should have done something. But with that comes the whole you shouldn't go near your flat mates, things could get awkward or what if it doesn't work out or this or that, you know the story.

I suppose I don't know for certain how she feels about me, I guess all the chatting, laughing and staying up to late and talking about personal stuff is a good thing?

Czarcasm

OP it sounds like you both get on very well, so I don't think there'd be any harm in suggesting to her that maybe some night you go out on a date, get out of the house for a bit just the two of you. Of course it IS easier if the other person makes the first move, but you shouldn't be afraid to put yourself out there either. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and your housemate certainly doesn't sound like the type that things would be awkward with afterwards if she wasn't interested in you in that way and it was just in her nature to be friendly.

missjm

I would give it a little more time and suss things out to be honest. You only moved in there two weeks ago. Give it another few weeks and see how things progress. I'm saying this as somebody who had a housemate make a move on me before. I had no interest in him but we used to sit in the evenings having great chats etc. It did make things a little awkward after that.
Sorry to put a dampner on things but I do think you should hold off another few weeks.

CaraMay

Would it not be a bit claustrophobic to start going out with someone you live with yet barely know?

I would wait a while too. She could be just friendly.

karaokeman

Why not ask her out now before someone else does? If you get along well with her, make her laugh, and she's comfortable around you, there's nothing to lose. If she says no, just say "Ah cool no worries, can't blame a guy for trying". If she says yes, fantastic. You'll never know unless you give it a go.

zxcvbnm1

I would definitely give it time also. It will make for a very uncomfortable situation for both parties if she says no.

If you live with her then over time it will become apparent if yee click that well. So give it time.

MagicMarker

I'd say do absolutely nothing out of consideration for the other people you're living with.

You only moved in 2 weeks ago and the slightest bit of attention from a girl and you think there's something there. Just chill out, wait a while. Otherwise you're just going to make things awkward for this girl and the other people there.

If someone moved into my place and within two weeks was seeing another housemate I'd be livid, I don't pay rent to live with a couple.

Paco Rodriguez

It could be that she is being friendly to you because you are the new flatmate and wants to make an effort at making you feel part of the group. Does she speak about personal stuff with other housemates?
Maybe she is always open with people anyway.
I would hold out for a while, but definately go for it...you won't be living there forever anyway.

Cork selfbuild

I would hold off, it's only been a couple of weeks, this might be her personality, I know loads of people like that. Just naturally flirty.

It could make it really akward considering you just moved in, I would let a friendship develop, get to know her more, and try to figure out if it is her personality or she is being different with you...

Suggest a house night out and get to know them all a bit better and see where things go then.

Asbury Park

Cork selfbuild wrote: »

I would hold off, it's only been a couple of weeks, this might be her personality, I know loads of people like that. Just naturally flirty.

It could make it really akward considering you just moved in, I would let a friendship develop, get to know her more, and try to figure out if it is her personality or she is being different with you...

Suggest a house night out and get to know them all a bit better and see where things go then.

I would second this OP. I was in a similar situation to you many moons ago and the girl and I in question only got together 5 months after I moved on and that was after a lot of hints, house nights out etc. I'm not saying anything is going to happen between you two 'cause from this side of a computer screen, I can't read the dynamic but be cautious. Oh and as someone else suggested, take the other flat mates into consideration.

Vision of Disorder

There are a whole lot of girls in the world. Most of them don't live with you. Personally I'd restrict my efforts to those. Particularly when you 'think' you fancy her. You're risking the comfortable dynamic for EVERYONE who lives in that house on what is currently a whim.

Ande1975

If you are to look at daft most house shares do not want couples for a reason.
If you make a move and she doesn't reciprocate, it's awkward. If she does, it becomes uncomfortable for the housemates.
You are there 2 weeks. Takes a while to figure out the dynamics of a house share.
I'd drop it if I were you...

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies. Having thought about it for a bit over the weekend I'm going to go with what most are saying and to feel it out for a few weeks.

I maybe feel a bit like what harm is there in asking here out even if she didn't want to, as someone said what if someone else got there first? But on the other hand, I don't know her all and there is also the other flat mates to consider.

Here's hoping things work out like they did for Ashbury park :-D And in the mean time there's questions that need to be answered and where to find other nice girls :-P

Cork selfbuild

ilikeher wrote: »

I maybe feel a bit like what harm is there in asking here out even if she didn't want to, as someone said what if someone else got there first? But on the other hand, I don't know her all and there is also the other flat mates to consider

Unfortunately there is potentially a lot of potential awkwardness and avoinance harm if it doesn't go to plan!

Sit it out and see where things go and get to know them all a bit more first!

LegacyUser

So one month on I said I'd post an update as I was bored anyway this evening.

I never made a move on her or asked her out for a date or anything romantic or with any intent. She's come out with me a few times when I was out with work or meeting friends. I don't think I'm her type as we kinda touched on this a few times and about previous guys she was with. She's also not looking for a relationship as she's emigrating towards the end of the summer.

But, I still actually can't figure her out, we get on real well and I'm not even the one trying half the time. She's called to meet up for lunch a few times when she was in town, we still watch tv and hang out most evenings, at times I can;t get her to stop chatting or let me go to sleep (I don't mind her company at all), we have done other things together, fun jokes etc...

I guess I'll find out eventually if she's into me, until then I guess I have a great flatmate. Or, maybe I should make a move next time we;re out

Tokyo

ilikeher wrote: »

I don't think I'm her type as we kinda touched on this a few times and about previous guys she was with. She's also not looking for a relationship as she's emigrating towards the end of the summer

I'm not sure what you feel there is left to "find out" - it reads to me that she's been absolutely crystal clear about where you stand with her. You're her friend, but you're not her type and either way she's not interested in a relationship right now, one way or the other.

I'm all for being optimistic, but there comes a time where the wishful thinking has to end and reality kick in, otherwise you risk jeopardising what seems to be an enjoyable friendship.