going mad:-(

LegacyUser

Hi soz in advance for long post .........
I have known thus guy I like for about 6 years and we work together but it want until recently I started to like him. I broke up with someone in november and I only realised how I felt about him after our xmas party. We kissed and he expressed how he felt about me. I had to leave early and we spent the evening texting........saying hed liked me for passed 3 yrs......but wouldnt say it as I was in relationship..

The next day in sober light of day I was embarassed about what I had said to him and when I met him in the lunch room said im so sorry about last night and that I was embarassed. He tried to brush it off too blaming the dress I was wearing was cause....... I knew I wasnt goin to see him till after christmas.... I sent him text the next day.... saying we prob need to have a conversation about this away from work environment.......he replied but never mentioned I had said this. ....I left it that and there was no contact until....he contacted me new years eve to wish me a good year etc....

we went out later in feb we stayed in same bed nothing happened but cuddling and chatting I tried to bring up us again and when I said that I was unsure how I felt bout him. He replied well im mad about u but I wouldnt date anyone from work...ah

Oh goin to skim over rest of stuff.... as its getting long and tiresome id say to read...... like he will collect from a night out in town when it is out of his way..... hell come in to use toilet but wont have tea.... hell text me drunk sayin we need to sort out what is going on betweenbetween us..... yet when sober no mention......eveyone at work is on to us saying its so onvious why are ye notnot together etc...... last straw was last weekend we we both out in town and said wed meet up at our friends house later..... he waited ouyside for an hour and half on me but I couldnt get through to his phone.. he went home in a huff u cant blame him amd rang me said his battery was dead..... he was worried bout me and his anger had gone he just felt it was such a let down after a great nite out....didnt really see him at work this week as I was off sick....
Texted him last nite to say apologise bout last weekend and usual ****e skims over it and starts other conversations...

The thing is wer do we go from here its been draggin out for so long that I finding it hard to move on.... ive got a knot in my stomach and starting to get stressed out over the whole situation.....im thjnking of going travelling in sept but feel I cant cause of him..... his family putting pressure kn him to find a girl...... any help would be appreciated sorry agian for super long post:-)

Tokyo

OP,

I get the impression that the confusion is there because you both don't know what it is that you want, and you're both playing games with each other rather than just talking it out. To be honest I read your post three times and I'm still none the wiser at the end of it as to what it is that you actually want, so I'm not surprised that the guy in question doesn't know what's going on either.

• You like this guy.
• He has liked you for a few years.
• You kissed
• You tried to brush it off as nothing next day/he tried to laugh it off too
• You shared a bed with him and then told him you weren't sure about him or not.

He's not much better - texting his devotion when drunk, bending over backwards to please you, picking you up, etc, and then saying nothing much about it when sober.

And after all that you are planning on going traveling anyways, and I assume don't see the point in a relationship?!

First thing you need to do is figure out what you want. Ignore the guy for the time being, and stop playing games with him. Sit down and have a long hard think about what you want. Do you want a relationship with him? Do you think it'll just be casual or would it be something more long term? IS going travelling in September important to you, and if so, do you see any point in having a relationship for the next five months if it's only going to end?

Only, ONLY when you have these things figured out should you sit down and talk to this guy about what's happening. No sharing beds, no drunk nights out, just a sober, honest conversation about what you want (relationship or no relationship), and where his part in all of this might be. He deserves that - the game playing has been going on long enough between the two of you by now.

CaraMay

You are playing with his head. Why do you need to talk to him to tell him you don't know how you feel. The situation is ridiculous and if he won't talk to you when sober then you need yo walk away. It's all so childish

Starokan

Its a major red flag when someone can only text that they like you etc when they are drunk, this guy has had more than ample opportunity to ask you out. Unfortunately I think you may be more into him than he you.

The best thing you can do is stay friends; forget about a relationship with him and focus on someone who recognises your self worth while sober.

Big Bag of Chips

You kissed and then apologised the next day saying you were sorry, and embarrassed? Why? What were you embarrassed about?

He had told you he liked you, and then after you said you were embarrassed about kissing him, he said he wouldn't date anyone from work, anyway. (Maybe this was a lie to make it look like he was ok with you kissing him and then being embarrassed about it?)

Then... You plan to go travelling, but are thinking about cancelling because his family are putting pressure on him to find a gf?????? Are you serious?? You two have never once spoken about starting a proper relationship, and you are considering changing your plans because of his family????


Talk to him. It's the only way you are going to get answers. But you need to be honest with him. None of this apologising for kissing him.. etc. Do you like him? If so, tell him. He's not a mind reader. There's no point pretending your not ALL that bothered if you genuinely ARE bothered, and do want to know where you stand.

You need to talk, face to face, during the day. When nobody can blame drink. Texts can be ignored or forgotten. It's much more difficult to ignore a person sitting in front of you.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for your help and your general advice. I have come to the conclusion that I need to just move on from this and that I can no longer wait on something thats not meant to be. The rationale behind it all is yes I do like him and I know that if a guy likes you. He will do whatever he can to be with you. Yes I was confusing and played games but so does he. Im an old fashioned type of girl which prob not get me far with him. He knows me well enough to know how to spend time with me and if he doesnt then good luck to him. Hopefullyill lsiten to my own aadvices and avoid him lile the plague for a while even in work . I wont be rude just try and grt back to beimg just his friend. It will be difficult but I cam see no other alternative. He wont have a grown up chat hes 29 for god sake and I do not want to inflate his already big ego. Hope im doin thebrite thing and thanls for the tips.