eloping (sort of)!!

maryfred

So,we got engaged last December.We were going to save up and have a small family wedding in Autumn 2015,but we have now decided to just do what we wanted to do in the first place,which is just get married by ourselves.So the plan is September this year,get married in a civil ceremony in our town and then feck off for a couple of days somewhere in Ireland.Come back and tell everyone then.I'm not particularly close to my family,2 of my sisters who only live 8miles from me haven't even seen my engagement ring.No one seems to be interested in whether or not we've started making plans so we've just decided to do our own thing.(The lack of closeness comes from me as well,as I'm quite a private person.)The thing is,even though we're not living in each others pockets,I do anticipate a bit of a backlash when we tell them.So my question is,has anyone done this and was there any problems when ye came back and revealed all.I'm really excited about it all now,and have even picked out my dress on Monsoon,perfect for a civil ceremony! Any thoughts?

Addle

Congratulations!
I love your plans.
I have no experience of such a situation, but if anyone does have a problem with it, it's just a poor reflection on them.
It's not like you can turn back time after the event, so don't waste energy thinking about it.

maryfred

^^
Thanks for that.It won't stop us from going ahead with what we want,but at the same time I'm aware that weddings can bring out the worst in people,and I'm about as far removed from a Bridezilla type as you can get,so even though it will be after the event,I'm concerned about the reactions and how to handle them.

Libby029

I know u aren't close to ur family, but what about the groom's family? Will he not want his parents or family to attend? Remember u will still need 2 witnesses for ur civil ceremony. But in fairness, if u don't want them at ur wedding, it is ur day, not theirs. We were going to do the same, but decided in the end to have a civil ceremony and just brought our direct families only.

ene

maryfred- i want to do the same as you, only got engaged last night but have thought about it for a while! i hate parties especially when i have to be in the spotlight so i just want to go to a registry office do the deed then go for a nice dinner with my better half.

she wants to do a small civil partnership with mums dads and brothers..... that still seems to big for me!

maryfred

Can't quote on my phone,but Libby,my oh is on the same page as me which is great.
Ene,congratulations firstly.We've talked about it again and we're going with both sets of parents,one of my sisters that i would be close to and her husband and one of my partners sons and his gf.will be 10 people in total,and then a meal in a restaurant.that's plenty for me,like you,i hate being the centre of attention!i think with weddings,there's always drama,no matter what the size,so to go with what we want seems to be the better option.financially,we couldn't afford the big do,and this way,we can keep costs down for us and everyone else involved as i don't expect gifts from anyone.the more i think about it the more I'm more relaxed about the idea and the less worried i feel about anyone else!

maryfred

Bit of an update if anyone is interested: since my first post,I have had a major fall out with my mother,culmination of many years of psychological abuse which I have eventually decided to call to a halt.Good for me! As a result,we are going back to our original plan of just the two of us! Long story short,we ain't the Cosby family,and I'm not giving her the opportunity to ruin my wedding,which she would probably try to do,no matter how big or small it is. So the moral of the story is, do whatever makes you happy and does no harm to anyone else,then at least your conscience will be clear.