Bipolar ex g/f messing with my head

pinkfloyd34

I had been seeing a bipolar woman since last April 13, first 3 months were brilliant and we seemed to be fine then she ended it over very little, got a text to meet up 3 weeks later then off again for most of the winter as she said she had cervical cancer and was getting treatment. She would text me constantly and get angry if I didnt text back within 20 mins, we met up 22 Feb 14 and then she ended it again 23 Feb 14, as it felt 'different this time' no contact then text me last week that the pill she took didnt work and she went to Belfast for an abortion but she was just letting me know, it was just over 2 weeks after we had sex so I doubted this very much, checked her facebook and there was a picture of her and another man not so long ago so I flipped and said if she was pregnant it wasnt mine, she then abused me and threatened me with court for calling her evil and a wh''e and wanted half the bill for the abortion, I dont know what to do now, just looking for answers of why did i fall for this, what happens now, I have made no contact since Monday but have a feeling I have not heard the last from her even though she told me go f'''k myself. What do I do if she contacts me again? I really loved her and think I have strong feelings for her even after everything but dont want that madness in my life, my head is melted over it now.
Just needed to say this to someone and put a different perspective on it

Chazz Michael Michaels

I have bipolar. There are two types, in my eyes. Those who take the illness seriously (take meds, limit stimulants, see psychiatrist) and those who don't do any of that.

I have been both of those, at times. My general advice is not to date the latter. Which is she?

pinkfloyd34

She said to me before she was bipolar but didnt need medication, I took no notice of this at the time as I think now she was good at masking it, kind of manipulative too but I think this is why i am attracted to her because its a bit different but then i am a fool for falling for this act

Chazz Michael Michaels

pinkfloyd34 wrote: »

She said to me before she was bipolar but didnt need medication, I took no notice of this at the time as I think now she was good at masking it, kind of manipulative too but I think this is why i am attracted to her because its a bit different but then i am a fool for falling for this act

Yeah, she would think that. It's hard to understand, but your mind convinces itself that its fine when its not. Her behaviour will never change unless she seeks help. Two options. Spare yourself further heartbreak and leave, or, try convince her to seek help. But, be warned, it can be difficult to reason with an unmedicated bipolar. She can't help it, but she will continue with this behaviour unless she seeks treatment.

pinkfloyd34

grand I think i will just leave it becuase it really is unbearable, she just uses me anyway, but it is hard to break up with someone you have liked when you also know its an illness behind her faults, when it is good with her everything is brilliant then wallop your the worst in the world, im sure you know what im on about. thanks for the advice

retro:electro

Seriously? This post is a big mess I can't really follow it.. But this woman sounds mentally unstable and you should probably stay well away from her. That's all the advice I can offer.

Merkin

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

Yeah, she would think that. It's hard to understand, but your mind convinces itself that its fine when its not. Her behaviour will never change unless she seeks help. Two options. Spare yourself further heartbreak and leave, or, try convince her to seek help. But, be warned, it can be difficult to reason with an unmedicated bipolar. She can't help it, but she will continue with this behaviour unless she seeks treatment.

And unfortunately when manic, people with bipolar who don't have treatment think they are absolutely fine and that everything is OK. I know a couple of people with the condition and when they feel fine, they often stop taking their meds too - it's an awful condition when not properly managed and monitored.

OP, I'd extricate myself from this girl until such time as she agrees to get help. Because she does obviously need it and you can't enter any kind of relationship with her in the role of carer or helper because that's not fair on either of you.

pinkfloyd34

I was burying my head in the sand, she broke up with me about 3 or 4 times but would always text me then 2-3 weeks later and I would be delighted to hear from her but this is the advice I need because she does need help and I cant give it to her, I was just hoping she would see sense herself, I thought bipolar was not serious but this experience has left me thinking otherwise and sorry Anna for the post being all over the place as my head is like that from all of this

Chazz Michael Michaels

Bipolar is very serious, its not just moodiness.

Catphish

pinkfloyd34 wrote: »

I had been seeing a bipolar woman since last April 13, first 3 months were brilliant and we seemed to be fine then she ended it over very little, got a text to meet up 3 weeks later then off again for most of the winter as she said she had cervical cancer and was getting treatment. She would text me constantly and get angry if I didnt text back within 20 mins, we met up 22 Feb 14 and then she ended it again 23 Feb 14, as it felt 'different this time' no contact then text me last week that the pill she took didnt work and she went to Belfast for an abortion but she was just letting me know, it was just over 2 weeks after we had sex so I doubted this very much, checked her facebook and there was a picture of her and another man not so long ago so I flipped and said if she was pregnant it wasnt mine, she then abused me and threatened me with court for calling her evil and a wh''e and wanted half the bill for the abortion, I dont know what to do now, just looking for answers of why did i fall for this, what happens now, I have made no contact since Monday but have a feeling I have not heard the last from her even though she told me go f'''k myself. What do I do if she contacts me again? I really loved her and think I have strong feelings for her even after everything but dont want that madness in my life, my head is melted over it now.
Just needed to say this to someone and put a different perspective on it

How sure are you that she was even professionally diagnosed with bi-polar? I may be sticking my neck out a bit on this one, but how do you know that this isn't a self-diagnosis to get her off the hook for her behaviour? Bi-polar can have a significant effect on your relationships, so it's just a bit.. convenient that she claims she doesn't need medication.

How old is this woman by the way?

Based on what you've said about the baby unlikely to have been yours, I'd question every word that comes out of her mouth. All I can suggest to you is if you really want to be with this woman, you should insist on going to the doctor with her for this, or opt out of the relationship altogether. No good can come of it the way things stand.

LegacyUser

I can only agree with others that say you need to end this for good.

I genuinely pity the girl and I hope that she gets the help she needs.

OP I think you needed to hear this, even if we are strangers on the internet, I believe that this relationship won't work and is doomed.

You seem like a nice guy so just keep your head up because you really will get through this.

Don't fall for her texts in months to come if she does continue to txt you which I think she will. Come back to this thread when you feel like you might text her. It will keep you on the path you should be on - away from her. I don't mean any badness towards her buy quite obviously until she gets help she will stay unwell.

Even though your head is all over the place keep strong you'll get through this

Penny Tration

Op, I also have bipolar, and have been in both categories that Chazz describes. The second category - stay the hell away, it will destroy you.

Some bipolar people don't need medication. I don't, at the moment. There's every chance I may need it again in the future. I sometimes need 'top ups' of treatment when something affects me badly enough that I can't rationalise my feelings.

If she's acting as you say, NO professional would have taken her off medication. It could be, as Merkin said, that during a manic period, she decided she doesn't need them. It's a common trend with bipolar people, myself included in the past.

That's just to give you a small insight into bipolar.

What you need to do, for your own sake, is cut her off. Block her number, and don't reply to any form of contact. It will get worse, but eventually better.

Don't keep going back to her, no matter how much you care. You will pay a large price mentally, if you accept her behaviour.

pinkfloyd34

I have no idea if she was diagnosed or if she is acting, but she would want to be some actor because it really all fits in place, just the things she says, paranoia in a pub we went to one night and just went home then, she just mentioned the bipolar once or twice and I didn't really think much because she does seem ok most of the time until now, she also has a hold on me though because she knows how easy going I can be, if she clicks her fingers I say how high so I will update you here, I just have to ignore her if she does get in contact again, I was here before heart broken and all then she texts out of the blue and I'm there thinking great it will be like when we first met, it's just a roller coaster and I do care for her and would wish her all of the happiness but I have to think of myself this time

pinkfloyd34

Catphish wrote: »

How sure are you that she was even professionally diagnosed with bi-polar? I may be sticking my neck out a bit on this one, but how do you know that this isn't a self-diagnosis to get her off the hook for her behaviour? Bi-polar can have a significant effect on your relationships, so it's just a bit.. convenient that she claims she doesn't need medication.

How old is this woman by the way?

Based on what you've said about the baby unlikely to have been yours, I'd question every word that comes out of her mouth. All I can suggest to you is if you really want to be with this woman, you should insist on going to the doctor with her for this, or opt out of the relationship altogether. No good can come of it the way things stand.

I don't really think there was any baby, we used contraception, she had miscarriages before with here ex husband so this may have been an issue, she is 36 years old

LegacyUser

I really don't want to imply that everyone who is bipolar is the same. But one of my best friends was bipolar. She was convinced that she didn't need medication, and rationalised not taking it. She could convince me utterly of the truth in what she was saying.

It took me a long time (years and years) to realise that I couldn't believe a single word she said. She had so many stories about being treated unfairly, stalked, persecuted by neighbours, family, the Council, etc. and she was utterly convincing when she told me these things. They turned out to be almost entirely untrue. She was a lovely person, very very intelligent, very funny, and much of the time great fun to be around. She was Godmother to one of my kids. I never really experienced her lows, because she didn't engage with me often when she was low. Luckily; because as I eventually realised that if you got on her bad side, you were in for a world of grief.

It is hard to cut someone you have cared about out of your life. In my case, I just didn't have the wherewithal to deal with my friend. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to be in a romantic relationship with someone like that.

pinkfloyd34

coldanddamp wrote: »

I really don't want to imply that everyone who is bipolar is the same. But one of my best friends was bipolar. She was convinced that she didn't need medication, and rationalised not taking it. She could convince me utterly of the truth in what she was saying.

It took me a long time (years and years) to realise that I couldn't believe a single word she said. She had so many stories about being treated unfairly, stalked, persecuted by neighbours, family, the Council, etc. and she was utterly convincing when she told me these things. They turned out to be almost entirely untrue. She was a lovely person, very very intelligent, very funny, and much of the time great fun to be around. She was Godmother to one of my kids. I never really experienced her lows, because she didn't engage with me often when she was low. Luckily; because as I eventually realised that if you got on her bad side, you were in for a world of grief.

It is hard to cut someone you have cared about out of your life. In my case, I just didn't have the wherewithal to deal with my friend. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to be in a romantic relationship with someone like that.

Well she does have all of these sad stories, I won't go into them but I have been thinking that they were made up, falling out with her family and blaming them, well she said I was on her bad side now because I said some nasty stuff to her so maybe she will move on to some other fella if she hasn't already

blatantrereg

There's just as much variation between people experiencing mania as there is between any other group of people. There's probably a much greater variation in fact, due to the fact that one thing they have in common is that whatever way they act, it is probably quite extreme.

If someone has a violent personality, then mania is likely to lead to them being violent. If someone is manipulative, then they are likely to be extremely manipulative. A lot of people are likely to severely abuse substances, but not everyone. A lot of people are likely to become promiscuous, but not everyone.

Exaggerated positive traits can also manifest. Someone who is given to helping people might become extremely helpful - possibly to strangers and possibly placing themselves at risk or overextending themselves one way or another. So still not an ideal way to be - but very different in character to the above.

BP is a serious condition and anyone experiencing full-blown mania is in danger, no matter what their personality. Exposing themselves to risk, being at risk of accident, or suffering harm as a result of being in constant overdrive and going well beyond their normal limits: These things are probably the case no matter what the personality. Rejecting the need for medication is also very common and dangerous aspect of it - and someone in fullblown mania really does need correct medication.

It's a bad idea to dump every sufferer in the same category though. Someone experiencing mania might act like a very different person than they usually are - but they don't all act the same way.

green_screen wrote: »

Some bipolar people don't need medication. I don't, at the moment. There's every chance I may need it again in the future. I sometimes need 'top ups' of treatment when something affects me badly enough that I can't rationalise my feelings.

That's great. My partner was diagnosed with BP at the end of last year. We've been trying to find suitable therapy for her. The public healthcare system has really not been a help at all in this regard. It's stupid. Providing it to BP sufferers would save more than it would cost, given the resultant reduction in BP episodes (this is established).

suicide_circus

are you absolutely sure she is bipolar? plenty of people claim bipolar in the same way that people say they have OCD when in fact they just like a neat house. she claims to have cancer and to have had an abortion (dont think you can get an abortion in Belfast as easily as mainland UK), has any if that been confirmed? in my experience, the very real condition of bipolar is often claimed and used as a carte blanch for bad behaviour ie: act the bitch "oh thats my old BP acting up!" either way, this woman sounds like a melter, steer clear.

Vision of Disorder

Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her!

I've been exactly where you are (spun yarns to me about illness, pregnancy/miscarriage, threats of suicide and so on and so on and so on). She was also bi-polar. But I also have bi-polar friends that I'm very close to and have Major Depressive Disorder (uni-polar, easier to deal with possibly) myself. Neither I or my bi-polar friends are troubled liars. When I ended things with my ex I wound up changing my phone number, blocking I don't know how many facebook accounts she set up specifically to message me, blocking loads of e-mail accounts and had to deal with her calling my parents, my siblings, my friends and my workplace. It took a while but eventually she left me alone and (while it does me little credit but to my immeasurable relief), got married with staggering haste to some other sucker.

Get away from her and stay away. You seem a nice guy but it is NOT your responsibility to either fix this woman or gratify her need for drama. You will amazed at the relief you feel when you break away from this situation, at the almost physical lifting of weight that you probably don't even realise you're carrying right now. Good luck.

pinkfloyd34

Well she did get back in contact only to say sorry and left it at that so I dont know what her game is now, she said she is a different person than the one before. I just text back fine good bye so I guess thats that then and just move on from this sorry relationship. Thanks for all of the advise. Head is a bit better now over it.