Down about college

LegacyUser

I'm a 19 year old guy in my first year of college.
I've always been kind of shy, but since starting college last september I haven't managed to make a single friend here.
It's gotten to the stage where I dread going in every day because i just feel like a total loser around other people.
I have a good few friends from school who went off to different colleges and are all getting on great, which just makes me feel even worse about myself.
It also doesn't help that this course is huge (>150 people) and that I joined it late, so I just feel lost.
I don't really know what I'm expecting by posting this, but if anyone could just give me some advice on what to do that'd be great

Tokyo

Hey OP,

there are quite a few threads here from people who have just started college, so you are far from alone. In a lot of ways going away to college is the first time leaving the nest and being an adult, and it can be quite overwhelming for the first couple of months.

To be honest it sounds more like you are down on yourself than anyone else, and you seem to forget that everyone else is in the same situation. I doubt that anyone else but you thinks you are a loser, you just haven't given people the chance to befriend you yet.

The advice I usually give is what I did myself in college - find out what clubs and societies are available to you, and join some that you feel that you are interested in. It's a great way of meeting other students with similar interests, not to mention that they quite often arrange events or weekends away. It's worked for me and countless other people, and I have no doubt that you can make friends in the same way.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation I joined late myself I ended up hanging around with people I didn't actually get along with or feel comfortable around I'm still yet to befriend anyone.
I had been feeling down about it for the past few months the best way I got over it was to just forget about the fact I have not have made friends yet. To try an get to know people now if I'm in lecture I'll sit near people or talk to the people in front or behind me . Sometimes after a lecture if you see someone walking alone maybe talk to them an ask them how they thought the lecture went? or something like that lecture dragged or did you get that assignment done? What class have we got next? etc and take it from there.

If you haven't spoken to anyone that day don't be hard on yourself about it don't make it your priority to make friends asap . Try not to worry about how you appear to others be more relaxed , I used to be constantly worrying about people how people were perceiving me , but if you look around in a lecture you will see there are people sitting by themselves or not talking to anyone you'll realise you're not alone. Just because you haven't made friends yet doesn't mean you won't it'll just take more time. In the mean time during breaks I've just been either going for walks or the library to get work done to avoid attaching myself to people too quickly and waiting until I have more of a bond with people. Although maybe going to the SU talking to people there or trying to join in the game of pool or whatever game might be a way of meeting others in the college?

Ps if you need someone to talk to about it try seeing one of the counsellor in the college they can be very helpful. It was exactly what I did to to stop feeling down about it.

Mr. Incognito

You should join societies and clubs in the college that are alligned with your interests and you will find and make friends in no time.

Everyone feels like that in college until they settle in- its very daunting.

Stavro Mueller

It's years since I started college but I still can remember very clearly how hard I found it at the start. I didn't know a soul in the place, the classes were massive and I was a shy teenager who'd not spent much time away from home before this. What I did was to strike up conversations with people all over the place - the queues outside lecture halls, people sitting near me in classes, the people who were catching the same bus home as I was etc. It's something you're probably not in the habit of doing but you're going to have to step outside your comfort zone. I doubt your classmates think you're a loser either - I bet they barely know you exist.

It may be a bit late for you to get involved with some of the clubs and societies at this stage of the year - they're probably winding down at this stage. If there are some you feel you can still join now, please do. Scan the college noticeboards and see if there are other activities or classes you can go along to. There might also be opportunities to do volunteering or something like that. Make a promise to yourself that come next autumn, you'll join at least one club/society and stick it out. They really are a great way of getting to know people not just from your class but from other courses as well. It makes a difference to know some friendly faces in the college. Plus, if you make even one or two friends, you might make more friends through them.

Gunslinger92

OP I was the same, I switched courses about two weeks into the semester, so I missed all the orientation stuff, and everybody had already formed their little groups by then. But I got to know some people through labs, but for my whole first semester I was too shy to talk to them outside of labs.
By the time semester two came around, I'd had enough of being lonely and friendless, so I swallowed my pride and went up to them after the first lecture and just said "hey, do ye mind if I tag along with with ye for lunch?" and they said yes of course, and I now live with one of those people!

It will get better, you'll just have to do something like that, or strike up conversations etc. good luck