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LT Partner doesnt want to get married

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  • 18-03-2014 5:56pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm posting because I am making sense of my situation, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it (bar my partner, obviously!)

    Love him to bits. Good guy, going out 9 years. Been through a lot.

    Ive never been the big white wedding kinda girl, Im shy and almost had a panic attack just being the bridesmaid at a wedding last year! Im not into it nor is he. Plus if we did, we wouldnt have the money.

    I thought maybe a small registery office wedding would be nice, just family and thats it. But anyways following conversations the past year or so, he has come to feel he doesnt want to get married (to anyone, it's not that it's juts not to me; I checked!). He doesnt see why we should, and says 'isnt having a baby together an even bigger commitment?' (Im not pregnant but we want a family).

    Even though I'm not a wedding fan, I got a bit of land. He said if in the future we did get married,it would be for me, not because he wants to, or that he believes in it. He doesnt see a point in it. I struggle to see a point in it too, but Im confused by my reactions and emotions..

    What I cannot get my head around, is why I feel like I do! Not ever being wedding mad, not being especially seeing a point in marriage, and now I am kinda anxious about telling my own Mum (who, bless her woudl love an occasion and see any of her kids married!). Maybe it is a cultural thing (all of our friends bar one couple are married, and the latter prob are in the same boat as us, not too miffed). It's def not about the day, the dress, anything like that, but I still feel kinda weird knowing Ill never be 'wife'?

    Would love advice and experiences from others as I feel I am going crazy!


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    #2
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Well of course you would want to be married over not married, especially if there are children involved.

    Marriage has special protection in our constitution, there are legal rights and obligations conveyed by being married that dont happen if youre not.

    Like next of kin. If, god forbid, you are in an accident tomorrow - he is not your legal next of kin.

    He has less legal right over his child as an unmarried father.

    Theres tax an inheritance issues also.

    Now, most of the above can be resolved through the courts and lots of expensive legal documentation - but marriage covers these things automatically.

    It neednt cost an arm and leg or be a big show either. 3 months notice, a registry office ceremony and a nice dinner for immediate friends and family.

    The point to it - besides the romantic notions of the point to it - is that in our society it carries a legal status that you dont have without it. Lots of the aspects of that might not seem important now, but they are the types of things are are hugely important when the situation is on the table and relevant - like next of kin in a medical emergency, inheritance rights, rights over children.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Oh gosh I am such a div, I cant believe I didn't mention the obvious after ye have taken time to reply..
    We emigrated to the UK, and will be based here. If you name the father at birth registration he gets PR (Parental repsonsibility)
    NOK we are working on but I think that comes with doing a will.
    Thank you


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    #4
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Oh - sorry, youd probably be better off asking on a UK website. I was specifically talking about the legal institution of marriage in Ireland.

    If there were no legal implications and the romantic aspect of it didnt bother you then I cant really see the point myself! But there must be legal aspects that are advantageous in the UK too or else marriage wouldnt exist as a legal institution.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would check the legal issues out from a uk point of view but I would agree with with the previous post said here about marriage and children.
    If either of you have a house, land ect and you have children without been married you could end up selling your assets to pay capital gains tax. Also the person left behind is not the child's next of kin which can cause a lot of problems.

    One of my friends married a single mother. He adopted her child after they got married as if anything happened to the mother he had no legal rights in regards to this child.
    Even if it was something like allowing the child to have an operation if the mother and child were in an accident and the mother could not give consent.


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