No response to Emails

Sweet_Dreams

Hi everyone,

This question relates to an issue I have with a relative (cousin) who lives abroad. I returned to Ireland before Christmas after spending 9 months in the country where she lives. I didn't live with her, but saw each other very often and we seemed to get on well together.

Since returning, we have sent a few email messages back and forth (most of which were initiated by her). The emails involved asking questions about how my search for a job was going, how moving out of home was going. I of course, would respond with all my news and ask her general questions about herself, work, etc.. Only to be met with silence.

About 2 weeks ago, I got another email from her as she had heard from another relative that I had found a good job so she was emailing me asking where the job was, if it was permanent, etc. I again responded, and again asked her how she was keeping and how she had coped during the recent bad weather in her country, and have heard nothing from her since.

I know this is a tiny issue but to be honest, it has gotten a bit under my skin that I go to the trouble of responding to her emails, and answering her questions but she doesn't even bother to write a one-liner in response. I was over the moon to be offered a job (especially in the current economic climate) and she didn't even bother to congradulate me on something that I had worked hard to achieve, and was aware of how worried I was about finding something.

Would this bother any of you? Or am I a fool to let this bother me.

I do like this person and thought we had become good friends during the 9 months I lived in her country. I would have to say that she does have a reputation among the family members over there as being the "go to" person if you need to know something or need advice on something. And to be honest, I think she enjoys this reputation. Maybe she is trying to keep in tune with this reputation by getting the low down on me in order to report back to the other members of the family over there.

It could also be down to the fact that my family over there thought that the situation job-wise in Ireland was so bad that I would ultimately decide to return there to live on a permanent basis (something that I never wanted, but would consider if I had no prospects at home.) The family over there relied on me a lot to do things for them (mainly child-minding and house-work) so I feel they took advantage of me a bit. They are probably missing that and hoped that I wouldn't find any job in Ireland and return to them - and were getting my cousin to find out my circumstances.

Either way, I think it is bad manners not to give a response to an Email to a communication that you had begun, and very odd that you wouldn't even wish someone well in their new job/life after hearing that they were doing well but that's just me...

Idle Passerby

It sounds like your cousins emails centered strongly around your job situation and it sounds like now that she has a definitive answer shes no longer interested. I would find it quite nosy if someone repeatedly got in touch and asked the same question about my personal life. I would probably have purposely given vague answers to discourage that line of questioning. Especially when you say she is the family's news source, it seems like she is only asking to relay the information further, not out of a genuine interest.

Addle

It's just one email. Maybe she meant to reply and just forgot?
If I got in touch with someone twice without reply, then I'd feel like I was being ignored.

Where/with whom did you stay before you returned home?

Semele

I think you're reading too much into it. The fact she gets in touch is surely her attempt at keeping up a relationship, no? That would be how my friends and I do- one or other of us will send an email now and again and the other replies, but we don't feel the need for it to be a big extended conversation! I don't have time for that and it's enough for me to know that someone is thinking of me now and again, as indeed I do about them.

Maybe you send the first email sometime? I was expecting you to say your cousin wasn't replying to your emails full stop, but if it's her that's been sending the first one every time then I really don't see what the issue is. Not everyone is into lengthy exchanges- it's like the texting debate that arises so often on Boards!

Merkin

Sweet_Dreams wrote: »

Since returning, we have sent a few email messages back and forth (most of which were initiated by her).

I don't really see the issue tbh, you're reading far too much into this.

Potatoeman

Why not mail them and ask how things are going and that you want to know whats happening in her life. You can even joke that you always talk about you but be careful as tone can be misunderstood in mails.

As for the being taken advantage of by the family, you could have said you were busy. People will ask the reliable person first so if you are always there when they ask they will keep asking. Why were you doing housework?