Been scammed by a "sugar baby"

manscammed

So, I met this english girl online on a Sugar daddy site.
basically the idea is that you "spoil" them and they spend time with you
In otherwords money for sex

Foolishly I sent her money to travel to meet me.
We met, had drinks and lunch etc
I drove her "home" where she got out of the car, saying she didnt want me to see where she lived as she was staying with her sister.

We then carried on talking about the next "sealing the deal meeting"

But then she satarted saying how lonley she as going to be this xmas etc,
so long and short I paid for flight home, and gave her some extra money
In total we are talking about €800. (Some of which was meant to be a loan)

Then she text saying she wasnt coming back , no jobs and goodbye
So I said what about the agreement, and the loan etc and she said tough, if you chase me I will let all your neigbours\friends know what you get up to
(She had found out my address from my mob no)

So do I just accept I was very very stupid and leave it or pursue her for the money?

I know her full real name and her bank account details.
But she really did anything illegal and we didnt even have sex
I just gave her money hoping she would!

thanks
and I know now I was very stupid, thanks!

Teyla Emmagan

Well you could pursue her for breaking a promise, or whatever the legal terminology for that is, but is it really worth being outed over it? Think you'll have to chalk this one up and move on.

How did she get your address from your mobile no though?!

blatantrereg

This is your own fault. Not remotely surprised she didn't sleep with you. Move on and stay clear of things like sugardaddy websites.

manscammed

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Well you could pursue her for breaking a promise, or whatever the legal terminology for that is, but is it really worth being outed over it? Think you'll have to chalk this one up and move on.

How did she get your address from your mobile no though?!

The nice people at vodafone automatically sign you upto a directory service unless you notice it and untick the box!

FouxDaFaFa

I don't see how you could pursue her for the money, really.

She didn't coerce you into giving her the money. You gave it willingly.

Your argument could be that it was in exchange for services but those services are illegal so you wouldn't have the law on your side in that sense.

I'd say just move on and hope she forgets your personal information.

These kind of sites are ripe for scams, it's just the risk the you have to accept if you insist on doing this sort of thing. People on the internet lie and can easily use your personal information against you, especially if you're involved in anything illegal.

It'd be like going to the Guards complaining that a drug dealer ripped you off. They'd be a lot more interested in the fact that you were soliciting and she was prostituting than the fact that she reneged.

Idle Passerby

I'm surprised that you expected honesty from a woman who has a profile on a sugar daddy site. Isn't the entire point of them to rip off gullible lonely men with more money than sense? You got what was advertised in my opinion!

ElleEm

You can be p!ssed off that she ripped you off, but you willingly gave money to someone who never signed a contract to say that she would do X to get Y. You assumed that you would get sex from her, and you were taken for a ride, no pun intended!

You need to work on your self esteem. Surely you aren't such a horrible person that you need to pay someone to spend time with you! Go out, make new friends, meet new people and steer clear of these shady websites.

SPM1959

Put it behind you. Learn from your mistake and move on.

If you want to pay for sex there are more straight forwards ways to do it. I would advise to focus on building relationships/meet new people though.

sunshine and showers

She did nothing illegal. She did not "owe" you sex - it's actually not a requirement of the sugar baby arrangement.

You lost money by being foolish. Learn from it and move on.

squirrelohara

Haha looks like the perv got caught out.
Delighted!

Overheal

It sounds like you may have assumed a sugar daddy automatically is entitled to sex and that doesn't appear to be the case. Think "Pretty Woman"

silverbolt

FouxDaFaFa wrote: »

I don't see how you could pursue her for the money, really.

She didn't coerce you into giving her the money. You gave it willingly.

Your argument could be that it was in exchange for services but those services are illegal so you wouldn't have the law on your side in that sense.

I'd say just move on and hope she forgets your personal information.

These kind of sites are ripe for scams, it's just the risk the you have to accept if you insist on doing this sort of thing. People on the internet lie and can easily use your personal information against you, especially if you're involved in anything illegal.

It'd be like going to the Guards complaining that a drug dealer ripped you off. They'd be a lot more interested in the fact that you were soliciting and she was prostituting than the fact that she reneged.

actually not it isnt - prostitution itself is not illegal

And yeah theres nothing really you can do about it OP - you cant exactly go and report her for not putting out - prostitutes dont exactly have a trade descriptions act.

MrVestek

Prostitution isn't actually illegal in Ireland so he wasn't exchanging it for services that are illegal.

Yeah OP this was pretty foolish of you but this is one of those times where you'll just have to learn from your mistakes and move on.

SPM1959

squirrelohara wrote: »

Haha looks like the perv got caught out.
Delighted!

Slightly harsh I think. The man wanted to have sex with a younger woman - not the best way to try and do it but I would hardly call it perverted.

Big Bag of Chips

squirrelohara, if you're not familiar with the Personal Issues Forum Charter, please read it before posting again.

Mature, constructive, civil advice only please.

Emme

You pays your money and you takes your choice

I'm sorry that you've been scammed but at least you met the girl in question and spent some time with her. So you haven't been entirely ripped off. I'm sure you are aware of internet dating scams where people end up sending money to somebody who doesn't exist. A lot of the people who get scammed are lonely women of a certain age (probably your age) who can't find men of their own age to date. They get scammed for multiples of the amount of money you lost.

A Sugar Daddy relationship isn't a relationship of equals. Both parties want something - the man wants a younger woman and the woman wants money. You both got what you wanted but you came off worse. Chalk it up to experience.

Work on your self-esteem. What's wrong with dating women nearer your own age? If you're married work on improving that and be loyal to your wife. If you're single and interested in younger women there's no reason why you can't do this face to face or online. Lots of men on regular dating sites specify that they want to meet someone younger. There's no need to fork out money for it.

Emme

Emme wrote: »

Lots of men on regular dating sites specify that they want to meet someone younger. There's no need to fork out money for it.

He probably doesn't want a relationship.

She was always entitled to walk away so he probably should have invested more time into setting up the arrangement before he parted with the cash.

Buyer beware.

Merkin

The definition of a Sugar Daddy is:

A wealthy, usually older man who gives expensive gifts or money to a young person in return for sexual favors or companionship.

To all intents and purposes she did fulfil her part of the bargain. You can't in all honesty expect someone who trawls those kind of sites to enter a relationship or agreement full of transparency and honesty.

If you want to have sex with a younger woman and pay for it (which is what this amounts to) then I suggest you go on an escort site rather than using the guise of being a Sugar Daddy. Save yourself the hassle and pay for the services of a prostitute in her early 20s if that's ultimately what you're looking for.

Tokyo

At €800 I'd consider it a cheap lesson learned, to be honest. You paid for a girl on the internet to come and see you with the intention of sleeping with her in exchange for money/gifts - this could have ended far, far worse.

You could try the legal route, but I'm guessing that pursuing this will cost you more than the original €800, not to mention that you may end up risking your reputation if this comes out. Walk away.

Starokan

Chalk it up to experience, you have zero chance of getting the money back

kiffer

If you wanted a prostitute you should have hired a prostitute... or well... actually you probably should have done any number of other things.

The money is gone, you took a gamble and lost.
Just think if you'd spent €800 Euro on regular dates you could have had all kinds of fun by now.

If you really feel like giving gifts to women, do it after the relationship has gotten going, you don't walk into a bar and hand out fists of gold.
Jam tomorrow is the cheese.

carolinespring

I honestly think you need to put this behind you and learn from it. I also think it might be wise to keep away from those sites and working on meeting someone who would like to be with you and not just for your money.

Ham Sambo

Give yourself a good kick up the aras and put the rest down to experience!

Fentdog84

I do have some sympathy for you as those kind of websites are advertised and operate is such a way that everything seems great and you get loads of beautiful girls contacting you, telling you they want to meet you etc.. of course its all too good to be true but i can understand how someone could easily get caught up in it, you have to be on your guard or your logic could go out the window.. and no, you have no case to recoup this money.

seachto7

OP , check out the documentary on "rinsing", and chalk it down to experience.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xsy6vp_sex-lies-and-rinsing-guys_shortfilms