Father was diagnosed with cancer.

Lou.m

We actually got the diagnoses early last year.

But he is in the throes of treatment now.

It has been such an emotional roller coaster and I feel so selfish for saying how it affected me.

But it has been exhausting. The drugs he is taking affect his emotional and hormonal state and he is up and down.

I need to pace myself.

But it looks very good !

Rocky Marciano

Lou.m wrote: »

We actually got the diagnoses early last year.

But he is in the throes of treatment now.

It has been such an emotional roller coaster and I feel so selfish for saying how it affected me.

But it has been exhausting. The drugs he is taking affect his emotional and hormonal state and he is up and down.

I need to pace myself.

But it looks very good !

I'm very sorry to hear your news Lou. I hope that you and your loved ones have good supports around you to help you through this difficult time. Don't feel selfish for feeling the way you do; that's very natural under the circumstances.

It shows me how deeply you care and that you have a good heart. Looking after your father is a kind and selfless thing to do. One thing I would encourage is to share your feelings with someone close to you in your life who you trust. To be the best you can be for your Dad it's important to care for the carer too and not feel alone or isolated. I hope that the future is bright for you and your family Lou. Best of luck.

CathyMoran

Am a 7 year cancer survivor myself - I feel that it was far worse for my spouse as I do not remember the bad bits.

I am sorry that your father was diagnosed - you do need to take care of yourself and take breaks - think of it this way - you are no use to your daddy unless you are strong enough. I know that was what I wanted for my spouse. I have been and am currenly am a person with a sick relative and feel that it is harder.

LegacyUser

You've got nothing to feel guilty about. When someone falls ill like your dad has, the effect it has on their family often gets forgotten about. My mum developed Alzheimer's disease and that was horrific at times. It was only when she went into a nursing home that I realised just how consumed you become when a serious illness strikes. I'm ashamed to even type this now but a few times I got so stressed by mum's behaviour that I snapped and screamed at her.

Of course your emotions are going to be all over the place. Having to look at your father suffering like this is something people only understand properly when they've been through it themselves. Don't be too proud to ask for help or to accept help. You're only human and you've got to look after yourself as well.

I hope your father gets well soon

Semele

The treatment stage is the worst, OP. When my father was having chemo it was a horrible time and he was so ill, but once it was over and he recovered a bit things have totally gone back to normal. The chemo was what was making him so bad and it's useful to remind yourself that it's the effects of the treatment, not the cancer...so in a way all the sickness and side effects are a positive thing that will be worth it in the end.

It's a bad time though, but keep looking forward and make sure you look after yourself and get an opportunity to talk about how you feel. It's ok to feel angry or frustrated, but it feels selfish to say it when you're not the one who's ill. If there isn't anyone that you can talk to honestly then look for a counsellor or a support group, because it's so important to keep yourself strong in order to be able to be there for your father.

The Princess Bride

Hi OP.
Sometimes the chemptherapy and emotional turmoil of cancer, is actually worse than the cancer itself.

The Irish Cancer Society have some excellent publications, if you're interested.
Take care.


Free booklets available from Irish Cancer Society 1800 200 700
-Who can understand? talking about your cancer.
-Coping with fatigue.
-Diet & Cancer.
-Understanding the emotional effects of cancer.
-Lost for words-how to talk to someone with cancer.
-Talking to Children about Cancer-A guide for parents.
-A Time to Care-Caring for someone seriously ill at home

Lou.m

CathyMoran wrote: »

Am a 7 year cancer survivor myself - I feel that it was far worse for my spouse as I do not remember the bad bits.

I am sorry that your father was diagnosed - you do need to take care of yourself and take breaks - think of it this way - you are no use to your daddy unless you are strong enough. I know that was what I wanted for my spouse. I have been and am currenly am a person with a sick relative and feel that it is harder.

You are very brave!

Thank you you are very kind.

My Brother is living in Italy for a while so I guess it is feeling extra pressured.

But I will and I am managing to have a life too!

Lou.m

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Hi OP.
Sometimes the chemptherapy and emotional turmoil of cancer, is actually worse than the cancer itself.

The Irish Cancer Society have some excellent publications, if you're interested.
Take care.


Free booklets available from Irish Cancer Society 1800 200 700
-Who can understand? talking about your cancer.
-Coping with fatigue.
-Diet & Cancer.
-Understanding the emotional effects of cancer.
-Lost for words-how to talk to someone with cancer.
-Talking to Children about Cancer-A guide for parents.
-A Time to Care-Caring for someone seriously ill at home

Thank you he is getting radio therapy (brachytherapy) and hormone therapy.

Thank you for the info.

Lou.m

qpwoeiruty wrote: »

You've got nothing to feel guilty about. When someone falls ill like your dad has, the effect it has on their family often gets forgotten about. My mum developed Alzheimer's disease and that was horrific at times. It was only when she went into a nursing home that I realised just how consumed you become when a serious illness strikes. I'm ashamed to even type this now but a few times I got so stressed by mum's behaviour that I snapped and screamed at her.

Of course your emotions are going to be all over the place. Having to look at your father suffering like this is something people only understand properly when they've been through it themselves. Don't be too proud to ask for help or to accept help. You're only human and you've got to look after yourself as well.

I hope your father gets well soon

Thank you :-)

I hope you are ok and your mother and family too!

Lou.m

Just an update .

And he was put on hormone therapy and he will undergo brachytherapy. This is all being done on health insurance. We had hoped it would be done in the beacon clinic. It is in Dublin and he felt more comfortable. But the company that operates out of it has changed and we can’t now. It’s quite upsetting for him. He will now have to go to Wexford.

He will not be able to be around small children and animals for a few months as the radiation is harmful to them. He loves our dog and it relieves stress for him so it is going to be tough.

My head is swimming this weekend.

I am SO annoyed with the way private health insurance is so disorganized.

I am trying to spend time with him etc.

He is doing really well though and very active. It still looks good.

skooterblue2

You and your mom are going to be at the front line of this giving him care. You will need breaks and time outs. That is where you will need a second line of care.

The next thing is to always to have things happy and positive. Keep talking about the future and keep planning for the future. As long as he is planning for the future he is winning.

lonestargirl

Lou.m wrote: »

And he was put on hormone therapy and he will undergo brachytherapy. This is all being done on health insurance. We had hoped it would be done in the beacon clinic. It is in Dublin and he felt more comfortable. But the company that operates out of it has changed and we can’t now. It’s quite upsetting for him. He will now have to go to Wexford.

He will not be able to be around small children and animals for a few months as the radiation is harmful to them. He loves our dog and it relieves stress for him so it is going to be tough.
.

I presume he's going to Whitfield (Waterford) rather than Wexford? This procedure is also offered in the Mater Private and publically in St. Luke's in Rathgar.

The restrictions you have stated regarding children and animals are not as strict as you say. I can't give you medical advice but perhaps you can ask his doctor to put it in writing - it can be a lot to take in all the info given at an appointment.

Lou.m

lonestargirl wrote: »

I presume he's going to Whitfield (Waterford) rather than Wexford? This procedure is also offered in the Mater Private and publically in St. Luke's in Rathgar.

The restrictions you have stated regarding children and animals are not as strict as you say. I can't give you medical advice but perhaps you can ask his doctor to put it in writing - it can be a lot to take in all the info given at an appointment.

Yes it's waterford.

He was with Dr Hacking in the beacon but the company that owned or ran the beacon has sold it and changed now and Dr Hacking does not operate out of there.

But he does operate out of Waterford.

He would be putting the nodes in. The date has been put off because of the complications.

All I can tell you is that we have definitely been told this about babies and small animals. Not that he cannot be in the same room as them but holding them close for any length of time is not a good idea, nor is being close for any length of time. I have promised him we will get a new pet of some sort when he is better , sort of an incentive. He is a real animal guy.

It is difficult to take things in when it is such an emotional issue writing things down is a good idea.

Lou.m

Update

WE HAVE A DATE! For the brachytherapy

2nd of May !

Oh it's good to get started.

:-)

Rocky Marciano

I just wanted to wish your Dad the very best with his treatment. I hope it goes well and that you and your family get through this OK. I like to think that hard times come to pass, not to stay and that your Dad will have many more happy days in the future. Good luck.

Lou.m

Rocky Marciano wrote: »

I just wanted to wish your Dad the very best with his treatment. I hope it goes well and that you and your family get through this OK. I like to think that hard times come to pass, not to stay and that your Dad will have many more happy days in the future. Good luck.

Thank you so much for this ..you are so kind!

Lou.m

TY FOR ALL REPLIES AND SUPPORT!

Diane Selwyn

I do hope it goes well for your dad (and all your family!) my mother had radio therapy and found it tough but has been clear of cancer for 8 years now. The amount of people that 'came out' about having had cancer in the town was unreal and she found their support very helpful. You should mind yourself as well - maybe do something special for yourself to help you relax and you will better be able to help your dad that way too.

Lou.m

Diane Selwyn wrote: »

I do hope it goes well for your dad (and all your family!) my mother had radio therapy and found it tough but has been clear of cancer for 8 years now. The amount of people that 'came out' about having had cancer in the town was unreal and she found their support very helpful. You should mind yourself as well - maybe do something special for yourself to help you relax and you will better be able to help your dad that way too.

Thank you.

I am really glad your mother is well how wonderful. I have been amazed at how kind people have been. And yes it is amazing how many people have been there. It is wonderful to see people thriving. Thank you for thinking of me. HUGS xx

Another update.

Procedure to insert nodes is next week in Waterford.

Delighted it's going ahead hoping all goes well.

Lou.m

There is so much stuff going on right now. Mostly just small stuff...some hurtful stuff...people being jerks.

But I am just emotionally exhausted. I don't want to bring any negative vibes to peeps.

I am probably overly sensitive right now. And I can't really burden my family.

And some friends just don't know to care even a little about you sometimes. Maybe they just don't.

It's ok everyone has their stuff. I understand. I am a tough chick.

Dad has done something very clever and booked himself a getaway to see my brother when his treatment is done. I hope he feels weel for it ..we shall worry.

tashiusclay

Lou.m wrote: »

And some friends just don't know to care even a little about you sometimes. Maybe they just don't.

Its in times of crisis like this that you'll find out who your true friends are.

Best of luck to your Dad, yourself, and your family, its great to hear things are progressing well.

Lou.m

tashiusclay wrote: »

Its in times of crisis like this that you'll find out who your true friends are.

Best of luck to your Dad, yourself, and your family, its great to hear things are progressing well.

Thank you he really is a champ! And I have to say many people have been very warm!

Lou.m

He will travel to waterford tomorrow.

He asked that I not come with him. Mom is going.

I will be here on my own kind of anxious.

Diane Selwyn

Your dad probably thinks he is sparing you worry and not realising how difficult it will be for you to be alone but in a way it might be better as you will be there for them when they get back and are worn out from travelling. Try to occupy yourself and not get too stressed out about it - keeping positive is the best approach I think! Will be thinking of you all in the meantime

Lou.m

Diane Selwyn wrote: »

Your dad probably thinks he is sparing you worry and not realising how difficult it will be for you to be alone but in a way it might be better as you will be there for them when they get back and are worn out from travelling. Try to occupy yourself and not get too stressed out about it - keeping positive is the best approach I think! Will be thinking of you all in the meantime

Thank you.
I think he feels he would rather my mother help him. I think he feels more comfortable with it. They would only allow one person stay in the hospital I would have been staying in a hotel or something.

I might ask someone to come over or something. I feel like I am putting people out if I do though.

I told people I was not taking work today or next week so I am twiddling my thumbs! I've done so much housework I am inventing housework!

Maphisto

Lou.m wrote: »

Thank you.
I think he feels he would rather my mother help him. I think he feels more comfortable with it. They would only allow one person stay in the hospital I would have been staying in a hotel or something.

I might ask someone to come over or something. I feel like I am putting people out if I do though.

I told people I was not taking work today or next week so I am twiddling my thumbs! I've done so much housework I am inventing housework!

Lou just wanted to say all the very best for your Dad - and be good to yourself.

Lou.m

Maphisto wrote: »

Lou just wanted to say all the very best for your Dad - and be good to yourself.

Thank you very much :-) That is very kind

I hope you have a great weekend.

Lou.m

He is going down for surgery now. He will come around at about 2 or thats when Mum can see him.


He is very strong willed it will make recovery quicker.

I hope ...he has booked a holiday already...he is bit mad.

I'm scared ...been awake all night ..been crying....feel weak and stupid for being weak..

Maphisto

All the best to your Dad.

Give your Mum a hug when yiu get a chance

Lou.m

Maphisto wrote: »

All the best to your Dad.

Give your Mum a hug when yiu get a chance

It went well :-) TY


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY!

Munstermad

Lou.M , I just found your post there and OMG great news!!, I am so relieved for you and your Dad. Thanks Goodness!!

I aslo just wanted to say one thing, this is the one time in your life that you really need the support and distraction of your friends, if they don't offer its probably because they don't know how to or what to do.. So please ask for support, they will be glad you did.. As will you... Otherwise you will be very cut up about it down the line.....
After been in a similar situation to you I feel I have lost someone whom I used to think to be a close/best friend...
I reached out and my closest friend let me down, don't think I can ever forgive her... I suppose my advice is don't leave it to long to ask....
Best wishes to your Dad you and your family xxx MM

Lou.m

Munstermad wrote: »

Lou.M , I just found your post there and OMG great news!!, I am so relieved for you and your Dad. Thanks Goodness!!

I aslo just wanted to say one thing, this is the one time in your life that you really need the support and distraction of your friends, if they don't offer its probably because they don't know how to or what to do.. So please ask for support, they will be glad you did.. As will you... Otherwise you will be very cut up about it down the line.....
After been in a similar situation to you I feel I have lost someone whom I used to think to be a close/best friend...
I reached out and my closest friend let me down, don't think I can ever forgive her... I suppose my advice is don't leave it to long to ask....
Best wishes to your Dad you and your family xxx MM

Thank you.

Lou.m

Thanks all.

Maphisto

Lou.m wrote: »

It went well :-) TY


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY!

Lou fantastic - I know exactly how you feel from when I went to see my Dad after heart surgery. Its like a 5 ton weight lifted off your shoulders . Give your mum a hug and treat yourself to a glass of wine.

Diane Selwyn

Great news Lou! I hope you can take the chance to relax now for the weekend and have a break from the worry - sometimes your emotions can sneak up on you so it could be good to have some 'me' time before your parents get home.

Lou.m

Diane Selwyn wrote: »

Great news Lou! I hope you can take the chance to relax now for the weekend and have a break from the worry - sometimes your emotions can sneak up on you so it could be good to have some 'me' time before your parents get home.

Already discharged. He is home .... now is really the beginning of the actual treatment though.

I have been meditating and focusing on healing energies.

Energy flows where attention is focused.

I am focused and balanced now. Or trying. Was very emotional.

Thanks all. He is in very good spirits. You are all very kind thank you and especially for all the PMS .

Lou.m

Maphisto wrote: »

Lou fantastic - I know exactly how you feel from when I went to see my Dad after heart surgery. Its like a 5 ton weight lifted off your shoulders . Give your mum a hug and treat yourself to a glass of wine.

Thank you I don't hardly ever drink though. It has an odd affect one me.

I am very glad to hear your father is healthy now! Yes you are so right.

Lou.m

Munstermad wrote: »

Lou.M , I just found your post there and OMG great news!!, I am so relieved for you and your Dad. Thanks Goodness!!

I aslo just wanted to say one thing, this is the one time in your life that you really need the support and distraction of your friends, if they don't offer its probably because they don't know how to or what to do.. So please ask for support, they will be glad you did.. As will you... Otherwise you will be very cut up about it down the line.....
After been in a similar situation to you I feel I have lost someone whom I used to think to be a close/best friend...
I reached out and my closest friend let me down, don't think I can ever forgive her... I suppose my advice is don't leave it to long to ask....
Best wishes to your Dad you and your family xxx MM

People are wonderful and show it in different ways.

I have accepted that I am loved.

Friends have shown me many kindnesses. Complete strangers have shown me many kindnesses.

I am incredibly strong.

Big Bag of Chips

Lou.m, I am glad that you got good news today. You all have a long road ahead of you, but you all seem to have a positive outlook which will help in the tough times of treatment.

I think now your thread is better suited to the Long term illness forum. There you will have a better chance of advice from people in situations very similar to yours and your dads.

Lou.m

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Lou.m, I am glad that you got good news today. You all have a long road ahead of you, but you all seem to have a positive outlook which will help in the tough times of treatment.

I think now your thread is better suited to the Long term illness forum. There you will have a better chance of advice from people in situations very similar to yours and your dads.

Thank you.

Lou.m

Ok well just to update . He has his appetite back anyway !

I cooked lunch for him today and he liked it so much he asked for the same thing again and ate two lunches!

Mum is tired ...I help out with her business and I have been doing more than usual. She got to go out last night with her mates.

I got out though yesterday and today. I am also keeping my fitness routine!

Lou.m

Hi guys.

Well just an update.

He has had some symptoms but is doing really well.

He had a fit after the Anesthetic and then about two weeks later had another one during the night about a week ago. There has been some abdominal pain and other stuff. He has been eating like a HORSE..when I make his lunch he wants the same again! I suppose thats good? :-/

Anyway he went back to Waterford for a scan today and unfortunately had to get a catheter which he was not expecting but it is over now and the Doctor was pleased but we have to get the results.

He was told he could back to work in about two weeks which I feel is a bit soon :-/ it was only a month ago he got this done?? So it will only be six weeks all in all..but the chemo will be burning up in his body for the next six months.

I do feel it is hit and run medicine ....if you go private which we felt we had to do for the options he wanted you are on your own. Feeling very disillusioned.

My mother goes away for a bit for herself soon and to visit my bro in Italy but I think he is more able now than he was. And I am kind of used to doing anything he needs now. I just need to take care of me more now though. Cuz it will just be myself and him then. But he will be going back to work the week after. I hope he takes it easy though.

The next six months will no doubt have surprises but there you go.

My bro will be returning home during the summer. I have let social life slide a bit what with everything there has been lots of other stuff going on which I don't want to go into. Life is a path.

But I deffo have to just take time for me sometimes.

Thank you all for reading .

Rocky Marciano

That's great that your Dad is doing well, even if the recovery is taking time. He's lucky to have you there to help him. Never underestimate those small acts of caring: kind words, listening to him, and cooking his meals. They must mean the world to him.

I can see why you are worried about him going back to work though. I guess he feels it can help him get back into his normal routine. I hope he does take it easy and doesn't push himself too much too soon.

Hopefully you will find time to go on a holiday too when your Mam gets back, even for a few days. It's nice to have something to look forward to, and with all the good you're doing for others you deserve it.