I just want closure

LegacyUser

So, we met almost 2 years ago. There was an instant connection and we started seeing each other. It was brilliant, I was crazy about him, and I believe him me. Both of us were due to leave the country for almost a year (trips were planned before we met). It was coincidental that we were going to be away for the exact same length of time. We agreed to keep in touch via email and skype. We did for over 8 months, emails and skype sessions. It was lovely. I had a good feeling that we'd meet up and (hopefully) things would be like they were pre trips. So anyhow, he suddenly dropped off the face of the planet. No contact. I returned home, decided to send him a mail to say hi and see if he'd like to meet for a catch up. He never replied. I figured he had met someone. I was really disappointed and upset at how it ended. a two liner message from him to say what happened would have nice. I would have respected him. I didn't have a claim on him, we were both free agents while apart so it was always possible he might meet someone. I wasn't angry just upset. Months passed. I tried my best to forget him. Always easier said than done.
Anyhow, on Christmas Day I received an email from him! I got such a shock! He didn't say much, except happy Christmas, that he'd been meaning to get in touch, that he hoped I was well, and wished me happy new year, and also asked where I was living now etc. Weird. I replied a while later and just answered his questions and wished him happy new year. I saw him tagged on FB with a girl over Xmas. I was quite certain they were a couple. So, I figured the new year was when I really needed to forget him, and not to dwell on that Xmas Day email.
He emailed again in the early new year, his tone was very upbeat. He was asking me lots of questions, like nothing ever happened, but I got the distinct impression he wanted to start a conversation and keep it going.....
I replied but nothing since. I don't know. Actions speak louder than words. He may have changed his mind again. He's a nice guy, maybe too nice. I dont think he's a twat and I'm sure he felt guilty about how he left it last Summer. But I am surprised I'm on his mind now seeing as he's in a relationship.
I really want closure. I don't know if i should email him again and ask for some sort of explanation?? though, that might make me look desperate. I am finding it hard to forget him. I hate being like this.
Any advice?? Should I contact him one last time, or leave it be and cop on and force myself to move on properly??

IrishEyes19

fridaynightQ wrote: »

So, we met almost 2 years ago. There was an instant connection and we started seeing each other. It was brilliant, I was crazy about him, and I believe him me. Both of us were due to leave the country for almost a year (trips were planned before we met). It was coincidental that we were going to be away for the exact same length of time. We agreed to keep in touch via email and skype. We did for over 8 months, emails and skype sessions. It was lovely. I had a good feeling that we'd meet up and (hopefully) things would be like they were pre trips. So anyhow, he suddenly dropped off the face of the planet. No contact. I returned home, decided to send him a mail to say hi and see if he'd like to meet for a catch up. He never replied. I figured he had met someone. I was really disappointed and upset at how it ended. a two liner message from him to say what happened would have nice. I would have respected him. I didn't have a claim on him, we were both free agents while apart so it was always possible he might meet someone. I wasn't angry just upset. Months passed. I tried my best to forget him. Always easier said than done.
Anyhow, on Christmas Day I received an email from him! I got such a shock! He didn't say much, except happy Christmas, that he'd been meaning to get in touch, that he hoped I was well, and wished me happy new year, and also asked where I was living now etc. Weird. I replied a while later and just answered his questions and wished him happy new year. I saw him tagged on FB with a girl over Xmas. I was quite certain they were a couple. So, I figured the new year was when I really needed to forget him, and not to dwell on that Xmas Day email.
He emailed again in the early new year, his tone was very upbeat. He was asking me lots of questions, like nothing ever happened, but I got the distinct impression he wanted to start a conversation and keep it going.....
I replied but nothing since. I don't know. Actions speak louder than words. He may have changed his mind again. He's a nice guy, maybe too nice. I dont think he's a twat and I'm sure he felt guilty about how he left it last Summer. But I am surprised I'm on his mind now seeing as he's in a relationship.
I really want closure. I don't know if i should email him again and ask for some sort of explanation?? though, that might make me look desperate. I am finding it hard to forget him. I hate being like this.
Any advice?? Should I contact him one last time, or leave it be and cop on and force myself to move on properly??

No I think you should delete him and move on. you should have asked him the moment he started up contact again, but needless to say this guy didnt treat you well enough to care how hurtful that must have been for you.

Delete, delete , delete!!!

Tokyo

fridaynightQ wrote: »

I really want closure. I don't know if i should email him again and ask for some sort of explanation??

Why??? You *know* what the explanation is. He had something flirtatious going on with you, and he met somebody else so he dropped you like a hot cake. And it's safe to presume that he's emailing you again because things have either ended with this girl, or he's gotten bored with her and wants the flirtation back in his life again that he had with you.

You can ask for all the explanations you like, but as you said, actions speak louder than words and his speak for themselves. You had something, and by either circumstance or design it didn't work out. Say goodbye to him and move on. After all, it's what he did.

m'lady

I'm sorry to be blunt but what good will getting an explanation off him be? I think you have way too much invested in this and your wasting your time, move on OP- it's not worth the head melt.

jellyboy

hi op

i read that your living in your thoughts and your head ..
you are thinking and forming a story around his email ..

putting emotion into something that has none ..

I saw him tagged on FB with a girl over Xmas. I was quite certain they were a couple. So, I figured the new year was when I really needed to forget him, and not to dwell on that Xmas Day email.

unless you were told by him ,then its all in your head

his tone was very upbeat. He was asking me lots of questions, like nothing ever happened, but I got the distinct impression he wanted to start a conversation and keep it going..

there is no way anybody can tell what a writer of emails /texts can means unless they speak to the person who wrote it..

i hope that you can calm yourself by not thinking about it,and not go to over thinking..
how about giving yourself that energy and time to a person who needs it (you)


have you talked to him and told him how you feel?
Stay well

tara73

and delete him on f*** facebook. if you on this site and pics of him showing up it's really unhealthy for you and impossible to forget him.
he sounds like a headwrecker anyway and not like a 'too nice guy'!!

Merkin

Sorry to be harsh, but you weren't actually in a relationship with this guy so I don't understand the level of angst. You hooked up with a guy who you got on great with, you were travelling independently for a year and agreed to keep in touch, which you both did. Both free agents. During the course of his travels he may or may not have got involved with someone and was a bit rude by not replying to your correspondence, but if he had a girlfriend, probably understandable. He's now back in touch as he is a free agent, as are you. I don't see the problem. He probably could have handled it in a more gentlemanly fashion but he didn't really owe you anything, he wasn't your boyfriend so painting him as the bad guy is a bit unnecessary IMHO.

Chara1001

Merkin has said exactly what i thought when i read your op. I agree it was rude of him to just not reply to you, but i think you've well missed your opportunity to ask him about it- you could have asked when he emailed you. I also agree that he doesn't really owe you anything. I understand you're head is wrecked over it, but to be honest, i doubt his is.
I would just unfriend him and let it go now.
All the best though, I've been there too:)

h2005

Hard to know what's really going on but before deleting him or whatever why not find out if he's actually in a relationship?

Holsten

Closure isn't real, it doesn't exist.

Don't contact him.

_dublinlad_

As much as I hate to admit it, I have acted like this lad in the past. So I reckon I can take a good guess at what he is up too/thinking.

You interest him. He most certainly see's you as potential, whether that be just for sex or a relationship. However by the sounds of it he has got something going on with another girl. He may be having doubts about this current girl or he may be madly in love. Either way, he is touching base with you now and again so that there remains a line of contact open for him to use you as a fall back.

You replying to him is only pandering to this. If him contacting you is bothering you - simply get rid. Delete him off fb and block his emails and texts. You deserve to be with someone that treats you as their number one and not some side note.

beks101

fridaynightQ wrote: »

Actions speak louder than words.

This.

I know it feels like you have so many unanswered questions and there's so much you'd like to ask him, but the truth is you don't and any attempt at a frank conversation will result in either embarrassment and/or more uncertainty.

In time, what I've quoted above comes to have a lot more meaning and serves as the 'closure' you're looking for.

It's so so hard to see when you're so emotionally invested in a guy and a situation, but read back over your own post - "he never replied", "he suddenly dropped off the face of the planet", ""he replied but not much", "nothing since" - it's just so full of disappointment and sadness and frustration and inaction and lack of effort on his part when it really counted.

He may be a perfectly nice guy and you may have/or once had this amazing chemistry and connection, but the hard cold reality of dating and relationships is that that is not enough - the ones that succeed do so because both partners are willing to make a consistent effort with one another even - and especially - when it's least convenient.

Don't waste your time and energy and wonderfulness on someone who doesn't reciprocate with the things that you need and deserve. I really feel for you and the headfcuk you are experiencing as I've been there so often myself, but the best way out of it is to put yourself and your own life first and eliminate the space that this guy currently occupies in your head.

Keep yourself busy, meet up with friends regularly, plan trips, focus on your career and your expand on your hobbies, set some goals for yourself and let them be the focal point in your life, get dolled up for the nights out - just focus on enjoying your life and becoming the best version of yourself you can be, because in doing so, you begin to increase your worth and care less about the "are they aren't they" guys - who, quite frankly, will always circulate around single women.