Girlfriend left me out of the blue

LegacyUser

My girlfriend just left me out of the blue, no warning whatsoever. As far as I thought, everything was actually perfect. No-one can believe it, friends, family, least of all me. We've known each other about 6 years, dating for two, long history there as well. She was over a few nights ago, we were cuddling, talking as usual, even made plans for the following week to go out and visit her parents. The following day, she suddenly cancelled our evenings plans and ignored me all day, and the next day too, and that's when she said to me that things were over, she just needed space and that she was feeling off.

She's said that 'you're a great guy, you'll move on don't worry', which leads me to believe in her head it is 100% over. A few nights ago we were talking like soulmates and now she's talking to me really clinically and coldly, worse than a stranger.

It just happened so abruptly. Monday night everything was perfect and plans were being made for the following week, kiss goodnight was followed by 'I love you' and cuddling, wednesday night it was just over. There were genuinely no signs whatsoever.

I don't know what to do, I'm distraught. I can't eat, sleep properly, can't work right, nothing. I have really important work stuff going on in my life right now that is suffering because I can't do it. It's like a black hole. I just don't know what happened.

alias06

Hate to be the one to say this but it sounds like she has met someone else.

qdawg86

There's no way to know if she has met someone else. Not sure where the other poster has gotten that from. But it does sound like she has made up her mind OP.

Stick with family and friends for now OP. It will hurt like hell for awhile but it will get better!!!

Dixie Chick

God, that's horrible. I can only imagine how strange it must feel on top of all the hurt. It seems that she is after deciding to move on. Its hard to accept as it seems like a rash decision. I think you need to just cope and give her space for a few weeks and maybe then contact her and ask her exactly how she is feeling and what was it that went wrong as you will need closure.

Holsten

I'd guess that she has someone else, and more than likely has had them there for some time.

Break ups don't just happen this suddenly, she has been thinking about it for a while. The relationship was probably over in her eyes ages ago.

Sleepless and Manic

Jesus. Thats bad. Whatever the reasons behind it... the shock itself is f'ed up enough.

Cant eat, cant sleep cant function sounds about right unfortunately. When did this happen? yesterday? today?

I agree with other posters that it sounds like her mind is made up. Hopefully she can talk about it a little more but there's no guarantee really.

I'm so sorry.

Tokyo

sodistraught wrote: »

...she suddenly cancelled our evenings plans and ignored me all day, and the next day too, and that's when she said to me that things were over, she just needed space and that she was feeling off.

She's said that 'you're a great guy, you'll move on don't worry', which leads me to believe in her head it is 100% over. A few nights ago we were talking like soulmates and now she's talking to me really clinically and coldly, worse than a stranger.

OP, I understand that you are in a tough place tight now - we've all been there - and it's hard to see the other side of this. However I will tell you from experience that as hard as this might be to hear right now, from what you posted above, she had zero respect for you if she treated you like that after a two years together, and the day will come when you see that too. It doesn't matter what her reasons are - whether she has met someone else or not - I wouldn't treat a dog like that, and to be blunt, you're well rid of her.

By the sounds of things you are still talking to her - honestly I think you need to put some distance between you and her for your own sake. Spend your time with friends instead - tell them what has happened so they know the playing field and can support you through this.

Flutterby80

Hi Op, my heart goes out to you and I had to reply as something very similar happened to me almost 2 years ago. My Ex walked out on me totally out of the blue, packed up all his stuff within half an hour and walked out on a 4 year relationship with no warning. The night before he had been his usual affectionate self , cuddling me and telling me how much he loved me.


To say I was devasteted is an understatement I couldn't eat or sleep for months. He told me to just move on with my life and forget about him like it was that simple. Looking back I can see the signs now, he had lost interest in sex but had assured me it was down to work stress and nothing more. I'm sure Op that when your mind clears a bit you will be able piece together some warning signs. Please don't make the mistakes I made like texting and calling constantly out of sheer desperation as it will only push her further away. As hard as it seems it sounds like she made up her mind a long time ago and just neglected to have the decency to talk it through with you. Anyone who treats another human being like this is not worth your tears.

All I can say is that eventually this pain will ease, the raw shock of it all will subside but it will take time. What your going through is similar to a bereavement and needs to be worked through in stages. I found my friends and family invaluable as they just listened to me and let me cry. You will get through this even though it doesnt seem like it right now.

LegacyUser

it's been 6 weeks and I am still broken hearted. everyone keeps telling me that time will heal it but its actually getting worse with every day. i cant function anymore, i wake up in the morning and i feel this weird sense of disappointment that im awake and back to reality. i am close to tears all day everyday no matter what i do and my work has gone to absolute crap. my sleep pattern is terrible now. waking up every night at about 2am and just lying awake. some days i just curl up in a ball and cry for hours. ive tried taking my mind off it by doing things with friends etc but it doesnt help. i don't know what to do. i cannot bear this much longer. i work with the girl in question which is just awful, cant afford to leave my job though as it pays really well and i need it.

December2012

That must be really difficult for you; to have to work with her.

Normally I'd say that a break up has no bad parties, it's just something that wasn't working. But in this case it seems like she chickened out of telling you what was going on.

Don't expect to be over it already - the shock alone is still new.

Would you go talk to a counsellor or a therapist?

Jack Skellington

Jesus op I really feel for you, went through something similar as I'm sure a lot of people have, and I had to be in the same place as the ex a lot of the time, not a great time at all.

This may not be the most practical advice and you've mentioned it above but really consider getting yourself out of there, a transfer, new job, anything. You need more distance than what you have right now.

Imo I think being around the person just made getting over her that much harder, and after 6 weeks I was no better than week 1, but it does pass eventually, you're still going through the worst part so give yourself more time.

Also, talk and get your feelings out to someone who can listen like a counsellor or someone you trust, as one counsellor said to me your ex wasn't the only person in the world that could make you happy and that special woman will come around again.

RevRun

it gets worse before it gets better..youre probably in the depression stage..just keep battling through

artvanderlay

I would agree with the advice about leaving your job. You need distance and seeing her every day will drive you mad. Try to line up a new job before you jump ship - it might take your mind off things a bit even looking for another job. Do you have friends/family you can turn to? How about counselling to help you with the depression? My heart goes out to you - I've been there, and it's pretty soul-destroying but somehow you keep going and eventually it WILL get better. Focus more on you, rather that her (easier said than done I know!)

One question - did she ever have any history of depression, or erratic behaviour? The reason I ask is that I was dumped all of a sudden by a girl that I thought was madly in love with me, never gave me any reason to doubt this, and it turned out that she had severe undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

Pippy1976

Jack Skellington wrote: »

consider getting yourself out of there, a transfer, new job, anything. You need more distance than what you have right now.

I agree with this. I know you can't just up and leave your job, and frankly, why should you? But I'd be of the opinion that you should take a crap-load of holidays right now. Get out of the office, get yourself strong, put a bit of distance between you for a little while at least.

I'd strongly recommend it. You're torturing yourself being in the same workplace as her everyday. Take some time (remember, you're entitled to holidays) to look after yourself. It's SO important.

Sleepless and Manic

stillsosad wrote: »

it's been 6 weeks and I am still broken hearted. everyone keeps telling me that time will heal it but its actually getting worse with every day.

Eugh.

The only positive thing I can say is 6 weeks is no time at all really so just know it WILL get better but you're still in the beginning, shocked and grieving stage really. I mean dont feel even worse because you're thinking you _should_ be over it.

People close to you will always expect you to be better faster than it really takes. Thats natural enough, its not like you're physically sick that they can see with their eyes.

It really will get better. Time does heal. Everyones different but when I've had this happen it takes around six MONTHS.

Hang in there.

pinkfloyd34

artvanderlay wrote: »

One question - did she ever have any history of depression, or erratic behaviour? The reason I ask is that I was dumped all of a sudden by a girl that I thought was madly in love with me, never gave me any reason to doubt this, and it turned out that she had severe undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

Yes I have been here recently, bipolar is a horrible disorder and has left me broken hearted on and off over the last year, it does sound like what I have went through, plans being made, madly in love and the wallop its over with very little excuse.

LegacyUser

OP ultimately the "why" does not matter.
Its done, it was a shock but focusing on "why" is the wrong direction.

You are searching for answers that may never find out.
Even if you did find it was reason A) or what good would it do?

Change your mindframe to forget her and move on. Focus on what is good about YOU about YOUR life the things YOU have that are good. Surround yourself with YOUR friends and family in moving forward and doing other things (not looking back pondering)
No putting her on a pedastal either!!

Chin up, Chest out and Good Luck - IT does get better if you look forward.

Gandalph

Jaysus lad your posts have gotten me all emotional because I have been in your shoes before. I can relate to the shock of it and how it is the most disgusting feeling in the world. We all deal with these things differently. I personally just picked up new hobbies or intensified the time I spent on my original ones, gym being a major player (the burn of 10,000 sit-ups, pushups, etc, hasn't got a tap on heartbreak). I also refused to talk to anyone about it as personally I don't get a sense of relief from sharing my emotions (would be ironic if I wasn't sharing them right now for OP, not myself) and don't believe in things bottling up inside me. Of course a lot of people would disagree with me but to each their own and this is what I do and makes me feel better.

Time is the real healer in this situation. I won't say how long it took me to get over it but the pain was still very fresh at 6 weeks. Now I can just look back and laugh at my own misfortune, I can even make jokes about it to the culprit herself which makes her feel slightly uncomfortable but once again this is just how I handle things, probably a cruel thing to do but fudge it I'm a prick and have 0 respect for her anyway haha.

The fact that you have to work with her is so so cruel to me, I can't even begin to imagine. Is it a small company? Does it operate as part of a parent? If so put a word in with a manager and try and get moved to a different location? I think having to see her just about every day would be a major set back in the 'getting over it' experience.