Two Guys

LegacyUser

Long time lurker, first time poster. I will try make this as concise as possible.

In January I started dating a guy, let's call him David. He isn't Irish and we are both in our final years of college. We really hit it off and started spending a lot of time together, sometimes even staying in each others place four nights in a row. We both knew it wasn't going to last as he has to return to his home country in June. There is no question of me doing a long-distance relationship and he wants to do his masters in his home country so the expiration date of our romance was June.

We get along so well though. I have grown to like him so much, he really makes me laugh and is so kind and considerate. I love being with him and I really just am so content and happy to be cuddled up with him and watching a movie. As serious as things were becoming, we agreed that we weren't exclusive so it was also casual, in a sense.

About three weeks I was out and started talking to a guy, let's call him Sean. This guy is Irish and even lives close to my hometown so will be around even when college ends. We spent the whole night chatting and had so much in common, favourite tv shows, interests etc. He is also astonishingly good looking but what adds to this is the fact that he seems completely oblivious to it. We didn't even kiss, just spent the whole time laughing and laughing, it was crazy and fun! He asked for my number and text me about a week later asking me on a date.

I didn't feel right going on a date with someone when I was essentially, though not technically, with someone else. So I told David that I felt we were becoming too attached to each other and an Irish guy (who would still be around after June) asked me out and I felt it would be a wasted opportunity. David took this very badly, tears etc because we were boyfriend/girlfriend in every way really except the label.

So I went on three dates with Sean and had a ball! Felt very, very nervous but once again, loads of laughter. He is very respectful and kind and we only kissed a bit on both occasions. It is vey casual, we wouldn't text to chat or anything, just to arrange dates or text afterwards to say it was a nice time or whatever. We are going to meet up sometime next week when he is finished exams.

It is all fine and dandy but I found myself really missing David. Having to break it off with him made me feel terrible and I missed his company and talking to him. Last night I was at a party that he was at and after a few drinks he ended up coming home with me. It felt so good to have him back in my arms and we are going to meet up later to watch a movie...

So now I don't know what to do. David understands I am in a difficult position because he is leaving in June. I could potentially have something really good with Sean and I feel like if I let him go I could really regret it. Sean is truly a catch, as I said, we have so much in common and I find him so attractive. Truthfully, they are both really fantastic guys. My head is wrecked though and I feel in such a tizzy.

Any advice would be really appreciated!

Holsten

You need to make a choice asap. I'm surprised either guy has not made the choice for you already, does Sean know that you went home with David?

There is nothing after June with David so why prolong the inevitable?

Emme

If David isn't willing to make your relationship official and is using the fact that he leaves in June as an excuse don't waste another minute being with him. If it's not too late cancel the movie and don't see him again. I don't know where David is from but people do LDRs all the time with partners from other nationalities. College might be an issue but if he really cared for you he would make an effort to make things work. You agreed that you weren't exclusive so it isn't really a relationship, more a shagbuddy arrangement.

Perhaps David is from a country where dating is seen as a precursor to marriage and he is just having some fun with you before he has to go home and knuckle down to his Masters.

Sean sounds lovely. Don't let him slip through your hands. By the sounds of things it could be a great exclusive relationship for both of you if that's what you want.

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

If David isn't willing to make your relationship official and is using the fact that he leaves in June as an excuse don't waste another minute being with him. If it's not too late cancel the movie and don't see him again. I don't know where David is from but people do LDRs all the time with partners from other nationalities. College might be an issue but if he really cared for you he would make an effort to make things work. You agreed that you weren't exclusive so it isn't really a relationship, more a shagbuddy arrangement.

Perhaps David is from a country where dating is seen as a precursor to marriage and he is just having some fun with you before he has to go home and knuckle down to his Masters.

From my reading of the OP, the decision to put an expiry date of the relationship was a mutual one? Not sure why you're laying it at David's feet solely...

That said, OP, if you both are sure that a long distance thing will not work, I'd be inclined to cut all contact with David. As hard as it may be now, it'll be all the harder in June as more feelings may develop.

Obliq

Emme wrote: »

If David isn't willing to make your relationship official and is using the fact that he leaves in June as an excuse don't waste another minute being with him. If it's not too late cancel the movie and don't see him again. I don't know where David is from but people do LDRs all the time with partners from other nationalities. College might be an issue but if he really cared for you he would make an effort to make things work. You agreed that you weren't exclusive so it isn't really a relationship, more a shagbuddy arrangement.

Agree with Emme's post, but I do wonder if David (now he has been told about you actually taking some action towards other fellas, before this "deadline") has had a rush of blood to the head and suddenly realises he has actually got all these feelings for you? It could indicate that he's a kind of "head in sand" operator, who wouldn't anticipate tears at the airport when he finally realises he's leaving and it's over.....and hasn't anticipated you moving on either.

Do you even want to know why he's feeling this so strongly?! What if the answer is "I've just realised I want to spend the rest of my life with you"? How would you feel about Sean in comparison?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Really appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to my problem.

First off, yeah it was a mutual decision to be exclusive. I had no real desire to get into something exclusive and serious with someone who is going to leave soon. The fact that he is leaving has caused me to hold my feelings at a distance and I feel that as much as I do like David, it isn't as much as he likes me.

Ugh, I now completely regret back tracking on breaking it off with David. At the party he was telling me how he hasn't even been eating, thinks he may be in love with me and just sort of begging to give it another go. I know now I was an idiot and totally unfair on him to bring him home. His pleading combined with me missing him in general made common sense go out the window. I think I may have ruined his Erasmus. I feel sort of sick...

So I guess I am going to have to put a full end to things now. The thoughts of going through it again is sickening but it is my own fault. Sean doesn't know anything about David. Our relationship is so casual and we are just getting to know each other. Filling him in on drama would be very off putting and unnecessary...like I haven't seen him since the weekend and won't be seeing him until next week, so I feel telling him would come off as me attempting to make him jealous or something.

I feel like a complete monster having to do this to David again. He just wants us to enjoy what time we have left together but the whole thing feels tainted and weird now because of my actions. Exes and alcohol are a bad mixture...

Obliq

Aw, it happens. It was only putting off the inevitable, waiting till he's going though. At least this way, he will probably look forward more to leaving the country for a new start.

Good luck with Sean!