Age

LegacyUser

I turned 25 today. I personally have been feeling old since I turned 23, however I have a suspicion this is maybe due to the fact that I have been through a lot and matured faster than my peers have. Indeed in previous years I've actively struggled with this and even pretended to be more immature just to fit in with my friends, as pathetic as that may sound. So in ways reaching an age of relative maturity is somewhat of a relief to me.

Nonetheless I'm struggling with "ageing". I've normally had people disagree with me on my consideration of myself as being old, telling me I'm mad and that I'm still young. However my 45 year old store manager today informed me that when she turned 25 she freaked out, that it's really the cut-off point of your youth and that after this the years all go "bang-bang-bang one after another" and said something about your brain never being as sharp. She also commented that it's "all downhill from here" and my department manager interjected saying "in more ways than one" and motioned as if to refer to her body, implying a physical decline also.

To be honest these reactions have made me depressed. I feel like if it's all doom and gloom from here on out what's the point exactly?! I just feel like if it's "all downhill" at bloody 25 how bad is it gonna be by 40?!

Idle Passerby

There is no point dwelling on the negatives of getting older, its inevitable. Would you rather look back when your older and remember enjoying your youth or remember squandering your youth on feeling ancient? Because the fact is, no matter how old you feel now, in 20, 30, 40 years time you will think of your 25 year old self as a baby.

Mozzeltoff

I wouldn't listen to your store manager. She seems a bit negative and a little ageist too.

Everyone is different. Yeah you're getting old but who cares? Everyone gets old! I am 27 and still consider myself to be young and still have time to do all the things I want to do!Just because your store manager freaked out at the thought of getting old at the age of 25 doesn't mean you have to do the same. Embrace your youth and your life, don't fear it! And stop listening to nonsense from others! You're 25, not 125!

LegacyUser

I'm sorry - not to make light of your situation - but I had a giggle at the thoughts of 25 being in any way old. I mean, it's ludicrous in the grand scheme of things.
I'm 38, heading for my 39th birthday and while I would still consider myself young, I am a little freaked at my impending 40th. But I know that in the grand scheme of things, I am quite young. I still look young, my body is in the best shape it's ever been in. I don't have too many aches and pains, can still put myself through lots of physical strain.

I agree that the years go by so quickly, once you hit your 20s. I cannot believe how quickly they've flown by, but I would definitely not say, your best years are behind you.
Youth is a state of mind. I know it's a cliche but it's true. You'll always find ancient young people and 80 year olds with the joie de vivre of teenagers. So don't listen to your boss. She's obviously an 'old soul' and maybe is just trying to push your buttons.

All I'll say is enjoy yourself. I wish I was 25 again!

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I know you can't relate to what I say while you're at the stage you're at now, but I'm over twice your age, and I would love to go back to age 25 when my life was really all ahead of me. I'm by no means old now, and I've achieved a certain amount despite quite a few mistakes.

You have plenty of chances ahead of you. I realise that early-mid 20s can be a difficult age; for example, people expect you to be figuring out your life ahead, career, etc. I've seen my kids and their friends go through a lot of stress.

Try not to feel that your life is behind you; it's really not. You may have had to deal with a lot of trauma, but there is still scope for such a lot of happiness ahead. If you really have difficulties, maybe you should consider finding someone to talk out your worries with. You're so young, relatively speaking.

Best wishes.

LegacyUser

Oh don't give this stuff a second thought! Age is but a number! The most interesting people I know are happy to be a bit silly and whimsical at whatever age, young or old.

Not everyone decides at 25 or 30 or 35 that they must have the house/mortgage/car/marriage/kids. And even if they did choose that level of responsibility, it doesn't mean that they turn their brain or personality off!

I really feel that you are seriously over-thinking it. It's about your personality, your interests, your enjoyment of life and interacting with people. Not a silly number! Your manager sounds seriously negative and defeated by life. Don't let yourself be like that - what a waste of life, to suck the joy out of anything before you've even got going in your life!

Typer Monkey

I'm 36 and I'm happier, healthier and look better than I ever did in my 20s. I enjoy the job I have now, I hated the one I had when I was 25. I look back at photos of me at 25 and I'm three stone lighter now and I had a baby only last year. I had the time of my life in my 30s. I'm much more secure and contented and generally settled in my skin.

Don't listen to the nonsense from your co-workers. If they're unhappy with their lives and their bodies it's down to them as people and nothing to do with their age.

ivytwine

I turned 25 recently too- happy birthday fellow 89er!

Yeah I've felt this too. I don't really like getting older... I've been feeling like this since I turned 21 as I realised the next landmark birthday is 30!

However if we're lucky we could have another 75 years left, there's so much to do and see and so many places to go (I want to be like my friend's grandmother, sometimes they ring her and are like, oh nanny, we can come up to you next week and she's there- at 88- no ye can't, I'm off to Austria/Italy/France on Friday!)

Basically age is just a number. Your coworkers seem miserable and you know what they say about misery- it loves company.

I'm the same age as you and I don't have mortgage, man or kids. Don't want em! You're not a failure just because you haven't hit a 'target'. Look at all the people who hit the 'target' during the Celtic Tiger and now are struggling to pay their bills. Do what is right for you, and don't mind the begrudgers.

My mother always said she was glad to reach 40 as my uncle died very young and she'd rather be getting older than the alternative, morbid as that may sound. We can't stop getting older so you may as well embrace it.

We're the last of the 80s kids, that's something to be proud of

CaraMay

The alternative to getting old is dying young. Which do you rather?

Big Bag of Chips

Again, not to trivialise how you are feeling but I did smile when I read all the clichés that people started spouting. They are the most unoriginal lines ever said to anyone who had a birthday, ever!

She said that to you turning 25. I would be willing to bet my house that she said the same or similar to someone turning 30. And she will say the same turning 40. From then on her tune will change, and she will start saying since turning 50, she's felt better than ever. Is enjoying life without letting herself be bothered by stresses that she wasted her younger years worrying about etc...

She is an absolute walking cliché.

You are 25. Not 85. Of course you are getting older. Everyone is. But you've only been here for 25 years. You have probably another 70 ahead of you!!

fussyonion

OP I remember dreading my 25th. I don't know why, I never felt like that about any other birthday, but it seemed to be a big milestone.

It's weird because when I turned 26, I didn't feel the same.
I didn't dread it and now I'm approaching 28 I don't feel that dread anymore.

I echo what other posters have said; you are young and getting older is just how it goes.
I'm sure when you were 15 or 16, you thought 25-year-olds were ancient, but do you really think that?

No matter what age you are, there will always be big milestone birthday on the way for you, but you should embrace it.

Every year signals another year of your life, your existance on this planet and I say you should celebrate each birthday.
If you've got health, your family, friends and happiness, then really what is age in the grand scheme of things?

I'd rather be approaching 28, happy and content, than 20 and dreading each birthday because my life was unfulfilled.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

thegreatgonzo

worried89 wrote: »

. However my 45 year old store manager today informed me that when she turned 25 she freaked out, that it's really the cut-off point of your youth and that after this the years all go "bang-bang-bang one after another" and said something about your brain never being as sharp. She also commented that it's "all downhill from here" and my department manager interjected saying "in more ways than one" and motioned as if to refer to her body, implying a physical decline also.
QUOTE]

Stop listening to 45 year old store managers. I would agree with nothing said above. I'm 36 and to be honest with you apart from a few grey hairs physically I haven't changed very much since I was 25. I also went back to college to do a degree in my early 30's and results wise was near the top of my class so there is nothing wrong with my brain either.
Don't waste your life listening to negative people who haven't really done anything with their life. Do some volunteering or a night course or anything but stop fixating on your age. It's pointless.

RossFixxxed

It's all downhill from 20
It's all downhill from 21
It's all downhill in your 30s
It's over the hill at 40.
50 is the new 30.
40 is the new 30.
Age is just a number.

It's all rubbish. You're 25, that's young, and it's all relative. I'm 32 and I feel the same as 18. I get too excited by silly things, I get annoyed and over passionate about others. I run after my cat with her food DAILY giggling like a 4 year old kid!

Listening to ANYONE's opinion on age (even my own above) is just pointless beyond belief. It all means nothing. Listening to one jaded, cynical woman is an ever worse idea IMHO. What does she know? How is her tedious opinion relevant to you? Why do you care what SHE says? Why would you care what I, a total stranger, says about this? You are you, and if you feel old and jaded maybe make some life changes. There's fun to be had, and there's no re-tries in life!

iusedtoknow

I remember getting maudlin on my 25th, and my father's sage advise was "you're only as old as the woman you feel". I know he took it from somewhere, but TBH, it made light of the situation (even though my then GF, now wife is a bit older than me)

I'm hitting 30 now and still don't feel old. Sure I have some more responsibilities in work and at home, but I still do the same things I enjoyed in my mid-20's like concerts, bars, roaring at TV sports, traveling, staying up later than is healthy, chasing my cat around the house yada yada yah. Some people have a messed view of what is "proper" when you're a certain age. My sister is one, she once said she'd see herself as failed if she didn't have a house and marriage by 30. I've never felt that way.

You need to ignore people when they talk about such things, just enjoy your own life instead of going off the opinions of others.

LegacyUser

From the moment you are born you are living on a finite amount of time.

What in god's name are you worrying about 25 specifically? its nonsense.
why not worry about 24 or 23..... etc
You dont know how long you'll live no one does.
There arent too many people I know sit worrying about their age even when in their 80 / 90's or older they are content and relecting on a life lived and living each day.

One thing I do know is that life is too short to worry about trivial numbers!

I look forward to getting old its not a bad thing (why do you see it as such a negative??)
You're wiser more experienced more rounded (physically and emotionally ;-))
You appreciate youth more, you see life in children and grand children - you have a legacy.
I find enromous comfort and peace in that last piece

ongarboy

OP, I can't help feeling you are using age as an excuse as to why other things in your life are not going well or as well as you'd like. If you were truly happy with your life, your age wouldn't matter.

I just bid farewell to my 83 year old dad and 71 year old mother who are off to America for a four week holiday to visit my brother and family who live over there. My mother still works and my dad plays golf weekly and both are healthy, thank God. What they have in common is a great attitude to life that I yearn to have at my relatively youthful age. They're planning to head to Australia later this year to coincide with the birth of their twin grandkids over there. Should I tell them to cancel these nonsense trips, act their age and book a one way ticket to the scrap heap just because they are "old"??!!

If youth doesn't equate to happiness, fulfulment and a sense of peace then I'm happy to take maturity and age any day (but not the "mature beyond your years" that you seem to think you have which I'm not convinced you have). Sounds like you're wasting your youth fretting about numbers. Put your life (and age) into perspective and appreciate all the great things you have going on in your life right now and for the many many decades ahead of you.

Sleepless and Manic

Listen...

Whatever age you are... everyone (or most people anyway) feels they're around 18-25. Thats just life. 50 year olds feel 18, 60 years olds feel 18. 28 year olds feel 18. If you're 35 or 42 or 53 you dont feel 35 or 42 or 53 you generally feel... yes... 18-25.

Ask an "old" person sometime.

Physiologically or Psychologically its probably something to do with the age you first felt comfortable as an adult perhaps?

Sleepless and Manic

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

worried89 wrote: »

I'm 36 and to be honest with you apart from a few grey hairs physically I haven't changed very much since I was 25.

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I'm 32 and I feel the same as 18.

iusedtoknow wrote: »

I'm hitting 30 now and still don't feel old.

This. Is there even a condition of "feeling Old"?

Tired maybe. Sick perhaps or accumulation of ailments? Fear of death?

But other than those, without any experience how could people even feel "old"?

It depends on what you mean by 'feeling old'. Does that mean burdened by responsibility, not being the carefree type others seem to be, or just being a more considered and serious person than you think someone of 25 should be?

I'm 27 and am almost unique among my friends because I don't give a crap about getting older. I look forward and only see life getting better as I go along, rather than losing something I see it as gaining all the way. Try look more positively on the future and if you see things you don't want to in the future, work to change them so it becomes a welcoming place for you.

You seem to have had a tough time, and it does quieten you down and open your eyes to harder parts of life. But you're not old by any means and maybe it's more symptomatic of being in a mental rut, than the actual number of years behind you.

An Bhanríon

I felt old when I was 25. I really felt I had left my youth behind.

When I reached my mid-thirties, however, I finally experienced what it is really like to live life to the full. I was fitter than I had ever been, my brain was certainly working better (and I have a challenging job) and I had left behind all the insecurities of my twenties.

Don't worry, the best is yet to come.

I'm looking forward now to what my forties will bring. Still a few years away though!

smythking

Wait unti your hair begins to thin out and if your male go totally bald or partly bald and the remainder all grey.Then your eyesight fades and of course the hearing isn't as good either.Most of your friends will be dead and the rest are too old to go out.Hghlight of the day listening to the local radio death notice to find out who has slipped away and thinking glad its not me yet.Your so young so live your life and rest easy as you have a good run ahead of you.All of us are just passing thru.Good luck to you.

RossFixxxed

smythking wrote: »

Wait unti your hair begins to thin out and if your male go totally bald or partly bald and the remainder all grey.Then your eyesight fades and of course the hearing isn't as good either.Most of your friends will be dead and the rest are too old to go out.Hghlight of the day listening to the local radio death notice to find out who has slipped away and thinking glad its not me yet.Your so young so live your life and rest easy as you have a good run ahead of you.All of us are just passing thru.Good luck to you.

Brilliant, that sounds fantastic! Anything can happen along the road, why resign yourself to anything. For all you know you could meet CYBORG-ROSS* in 40 years!

I figure your point is that the OP is 25 and now is the time to live! That applies to everyone right now! I'm getting older, but I'm still super excited to get Dark Souls 2 today. Really looking forward to having some time with my gf and cat later!

You can take on life's responsibilites and still live and laugh and make a fool out of yourself having fun! Do that!

I got pulled by the Gardaí the other day. Lots of cars were beeping at me and slowing down... Because I was singing and playing the drums on the steering wheel waiting at the red light, and they were all smiling and laughing! Even the Gardaí were bemused. You're about as old as you let yourself be!

*complete with a full head of robo-hair(TM)

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies. You have really given me food for thought. I really appreciate it. However I wish to address this comment...

ongarboy wrote: »

(but not the "mature beyond your years" that you seem to think you have which I'm not convinced you have). Sounds like you're wasting your youth fretting about numbers.

I don't know how you can deduce from one post my levels of maturity? Regardless I'm not at all concerned about numbers, I certainly do not spend time worrying about them!
From reading these posts I think I have somewhat figured out my problem, which I believe is two-fold. Firstly, I've been through a lot and thus when someone says “it's all downhill from here” the thoughts that my best years are behind me is quite devestating.

Let me explain further. I was abused by my father on a continous basis from approximately age 8 until age 16 and although some family members know about it I was told if I ever told anyone about it etc that I would be the one shunned and disowned, I was basically made to feel like it was my fault. My sister's husband, whom is twice my age developed an obsession with me and also sexually assaulted me multiple times between ages 15-17, again some family members know about this but I was forbidden from speaking about it as I would break up that family and they have kids whom have to come first. I suffered from serious depression since age 12, tried to kill myself twice in that time period and only just really emerged somewhat from it 2 years ago.

Aside from that I don't think I'm unhappy due to any "failure" in my life. I have a first class honours degree and am studying towards a masters. I am engaged and have an 18 month old son whom I adore.

Secondly, I think it's the fading of my appearance that may actually bother me about ageing. I don't know why but it just bothers me, even though I'm genuinely not vain. I even was diagnosed with Body Dsymorphia in the past. Maybe it's because my abusers put so much emphasis on my physical appearance?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, your thread has taken an uncomfortable turn. I understand how families can want abuse cases kept quite and would rather it was just forgotten and went away, rather than having it out in the open and "giving the neighbours something to talk about".

But.. the one thing that stands out for me is that your brother-in-law abused you. A man who is now a father.. and whose children "have to come first". What if he abuses one of them? I know you shouldn't have to feel the pressure of protecting another child from him, especially when you don't have the support of your family. But you seem to have come from a rotten family, and unfortunately those children have been born into that rotten family.

And for as long as everyone keeps quiet, they are protecting that rotten element, and giving it the safety to carry on.

It can only be your decision, and I'm sure after so many years of being made to feel like it was YOUR problem, that you are not going to do anything about reporting either of them. But that makes me sad for the next generation of your family, who stand be to treated exactly as you were.

ETA: It would be incredibly difficult for you to stand alone against your family. I hope, even if you can never report the abuse, that you have been to, or will consider counselling to realise that you are the only one who has no blame in it all. You were a child.

And just to get back to the age issue. Up to 25, certainly isn't the best years of your life. I'm mid 30s and am happier in myself than I've ever been. Why? I've moved out of that phase of my life where I care what others think of me. These days I please myself. I don't pressure myself to go out of my way for others. I am confident enough now to say "No, I can't" rather than feeling the need to do everything everybody ever asked! I'm still a nice person. I will still help out wherever I can, and because of this I don't feel bad about occassionally saying "No".

I'm also REALLY looking forward to being a grumpy old woman!! Some days you're just not in the mood for pleasantries. But can't barge your way around town tutting at people... Once you reach a certain age, there is an "acceptance" of sorts, of aul wans taking the ankles of you with their tartan shopping trolleys (I already have my eye on one in Guiney's!!)

Every stage of life brings it's own advantages and things to look forward to. And most 40 and 50 year olds probably look back at their 20s (when they think they knew it all etc) and realise, they were really only starting out.

ivytwine

OPhere wrote: »

OP here. Thanks for the replies. You have really given me food for thought. I really appreciate it. However I wish to address this comment...




I don't know how you can deduce from one post my levels of maturity? Regardless I'm not at all concerned about numbers, I certainly do not spend time worrying about them!
From reading these posts I think I have somewhat figured out my problem, which I believe is two-fold. Firstly, I've been through a lot and thus when someone says “it's all downhill from here” the thoughts that my best years are behind me is quite devestating.

Let me explain further. I was abused by my father on a continous basis from approximately age 8 until age 16 and although some family members know about it I was told if I ever told anyone about it etc that I would be the one shunned and disowned, I was basically made to feel like it was my fault. My sister's husband, whom is twice my age developed an obsession with me and also sexually assaulted me multiple times between ages 15-17, again some family members know about this but I was forbidden from speaking about it as I would break up that family and they have kids whom have to come first. I suffered from serious depression since age 12, tried to kill myself twice in that time period and only just really emerged somewhat from it 2 years ago.

Aside from that I don't think I'm unhappy due to any "failure" in my life. I have a first class honours degree and am studying towards a masters. I am engaged and have an 18 month old son whom I adore.

Secondly, I think it's the fading of my appearance that may actually bother me about ageing. I don't know why but it just bothers me, even though I'm genuinely not vain. I even was diagnosed with Body Dsymorphia in the past. Maybe it's because my abusers put so much emphasis on my physical appearance?

OP it sounds like you have been through twice as much as many fifty year olds, not to mind 25 year olds. I am so sorry to hear you have been abused, it's heartbreaking that the people you should have been able to trust treated you in such a manner.

I would pay no heed to those who say 'your best years are behind you'. As people said earlier in the thread these are the type who love to moan and bitch. They know nothing of your circumstances. I always think some people love to scaremonger- I worked once in a job where I was the only member of staff without kids and the other women would tell me all these horrible lurid stories about labour! Some people just like to make others feel bad or upset.

Indeed, your best years ARE ahead of you. You will get the masters and achieve academically and professionally. Your little man is of an age now where he is developing his own character and ways, and you'll have so many years of joy ahead with your partner and your child. In fact I would go as far to say you are streets ahead of many 25 year olds, especially considering the start in life you had.

As for looks- I think some people improve lookswise as they get older, we're just conditioned to think everyone gets uglier as they age. Personally, I was very much an ugly duckling as a teen. I have strong features- a big old long nose and high cheekbones and smallish eyes. These did not go with a young teenager's face but as I got older, I grew into my face. I also learned how to use make-up and style my hair to my advantage. I look miles better now than I did at 16. Conversely, I can see some of the prettiest girls in my class at school beginning to age- smoking and bad lifestyles and constant bleaching of hair and not changing their style since their teens. So I would not say if you are looking after your body that you are in physical decline- bear in mind you had a baby not too long ago so your body has changed too.

Can I ask have you been to counselling about the abuse?

chinacup

Ok I think the most important point to take from this dilemma is happiness - if you can be happy at any age despite being able to do more or less than another age then isn't that the key? Surely the healthy thing for us to do is to enjoy the benefits of every age group and relish them for what their worth. Remember when you were a teenager and maybe you thought you'd never have money or you'd never get out of school? We go from bush drinking to dinner parties, part time jobs and exams to careers and homes. And this differs for everyone there is no set path in life. My aunt is a single mother who adopted a baby in her 40s, and she couldn't be happier, my other aunt is a typical stay at home mum with two kids one boy one girl and a dog and she couldn't be happier!
Change isn't easy and there's no point ignoring it, but we can think of all the things left that we can do and smile at the things we get a free pass on as we get a little older too!

Alfasudcrazy

I suspect your store manager and her friend had a good ol laugh about you feeling old in the canteen afterwards - it seems to me they were poking you.

Im 55 now but can identify with your worries as I had them too - probably everyone does. I saw a few grey ribs when I was 20 and was shocked fearing I would be totally grey by 30 - I wasn't and even now am not still totally grey. I have given up worrying about ageing and am one of the people who see age as primarily a state of mind. Of course the physical side of ageing will eventually bite but for now mentally im retired and physically active and healthy at 23 and enjoying it. As I see it I will be old when I feel old and touch wood that seems a long way off.

People said to me your school days were the best years of your life which also horrified me as they were the worst. They said life is all downhill after 40 - all downhill after retirement etc. Well its not so stop feeling sorry for yourself and live the life you have for today - tomorrow will take care of itself.

whirlpool

It's not all doom and gloom from here. In fact it gets better. I'm 27 and I'm looking forward to my 30s because my 20s were such a mindf*ck. And this coming from someone who freaked the f*ck out the night before I was turning 20!


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RossFixxxed

It really sounds like your worst years are behind you and now there's some distance and hope. You've been through a LOT and you need time to rebuild. That can make you tired and feeling a bit old. BUT, you aren't. You're tired and emotionally drained. Give yourself some time to find things that you enjoy. Maybe a little therapy on the way to avoid some pitfalls and learn some new techniques.

dd972

If I went back to being 25 in 1997 there were no Wikipedia, Google, etc, it was pretty sh*te in comparison to now, mind you I'd take being born in 1989 !