Not idea how to talk to him

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Looking for some advice on how to talk to my dad about him needing help. Long story short, he's been through the mill in the past few years, losing a child, getting divorced and his business going downhill. I guess I've been ignoring it all and trying to cope with it all myself, but I can't ignore whats going on anymore.

He is a mess. He's not taking care if himself, he's wasting away and looks sick and tired. A house that once comfortably had five of us living there now only has him and its over run with junk because he throws nothing out.

Financially he's in the ****. Bills are piling up and he can't keep up.

I've always helped by having him for dinner to my house (which I can't do anymore as I've moved in with my boyfriends family), trying to tidy up when I go to his, now I'm just so overwhelmed by it all that I don't even know where to start.

While we are close, we've never been big 'talkers', in that we keep things light, nothing about emotions or anything. The last few times I've been out I've tried to talk to him he just says he's fine and that he'll get the house sorted this week, or whatever. I need him to get it together and I'll do whatever I can do to help. I'm 7 months pregnant and am finding it more and more difficult to be around him because I go home so upset and stressed out.

How do I get him to realize he can't carry on like this?

IrishEyes19

Tryingtotalk wrote: »

Hi all,

Looking for some advice on how to talk to my dad about him needing help. Long story short, he's been through the mill in the past few years, losing a child, getting divorced and his business going downhill. I guess I've been ignoring it all and trying to cope with it all myself, but I can't ignore whats going on anymore.

He is a mess. He's not taking care if himself, he's wasting away and looks sick and tired. A house that once comfortably had five of us living there now only has him and its over run with junk because he throws nothing out.

Financially he's in the ****. Bills are piling up and he can't keep up.

I've always helped by having him for dinner to my house (which I can't do anymore as I've moved in with my boyfriends family), trying to tidy up when I go to his, now I'm just so overwhelmed by it all that I don't even know where to start.

While we are close, we've never been big 'talkers', in that we keep things light, nothing about emotions or anything. The last few times I've been out I've tried to talk to him he just says he's fine and that he'll get the house sorted this week, or whatever. I need him to get it together and I'll do whatever I can do to help. I'm 7 months pregnant and am finding it more and more difficult to be around him because I go home so upset and stressed out.

How do I get him to realize he can't carry on like this?

Have you any other family/relatives who can help out. Your father sounds very depressed, OP, not trying to diagnose here as I cant, but it sounds like it. You need to mind yourself too with your baby on the way. Does your boyfriend lend a hand, I know its important that you have your own life but your dad sounds like he really needs help. Maybe its time to look into asking other family members. Even a weekly plan to get that house cleaned, a rota to call into him, cook and stuff, level out the work maybe, just get him back on his feet. Just a suggestion.

Ham Sambo

I agree with IrishEyes, Jesus he (and your family) has gone through the mill as you have said, if you could try and bring him to his GP (easier said than done) it would be a start, second of all I would make a start on all those bills that are piling up, as with a lot of creditors they like you to maintain contact with them, ignoring a bill doesn't work anymore, they can possibly rearrange or set up a payment plan, you could also seek advice from your local MAB's office in your area.

Don't give up on him though, maybe all he wants is for somebody to give him a shove in the right direction, by the way has your Dad got any siblings or have you got any? it's too much for you to take on on your own I think, best of luck.

Maura74

Is it possible to send him somewhere for a short break. Getting him out of the home environment and the problems around him would do him a lot of good and give him a new outlook on things.
Perhaps you can get someone to help you clean up his home, such as a charity or another family member, which you can do that when he is away from his home if he agrees to the short break. Tell him that you will keep an eye on the house and clean up it up a bit when he is away.
Just get a place for everything and mark the areas for paperwork etc., which he can easily put them back in the same place when he is finished with whatever he is doing.

If he does not agree to that try and get him to see his GP for a check-up.

Shadowless

Get him a dog. It'll be company for him in the house and might bring him out of his funk.

IrishEyes19

Shadowless wrote: »

Get him a dog. It'll be company for him in the house and might bring him out of his funk.

the last thing he needs is a dog, they are hard work to mind for an older person, never mind someone who is not taking care of themselves right now. I think its a terrible idea for him and the poor dog.

OP, I would call on relatives to get the house and bills sorted. Another poster is right, banks and companies don't care about personal situations and the last thing you and your dad need is companies threatening to cut the house off things. So my first port of call if it were me would be to hold a family meeting. I hope it works out and best of luck with your exciting new new arrival