Feel lost and scared

KKkitty

Hi all, last Thursday I had to have an emergency c section due to high blood pressure and protein levels in my urine. Also had swelling in my legs and ankles so the doctor in the hospital suspected the onset of toxicemea. Had a beautiful baby girl who was 4 pounds 7 ounces at birth. She is being drip fed at the moment and didn't take to the aptimal formula so they have changed to a pre thickened formula. She was 6 weeks premature so I'm worried sick. I know she's being well looked after by people who've seen it all before but I've never had a premature baby. Any advice from mothers who've been in similar positions?

nikpmup

Congrats on your baby girl! My boy was an emergency c-section as well, he was 4 weeks early. I found he was very congested and mucuosy for a week or so, kept bringing up mucus - common with section babies I believe. He had reflux and stomach issues, none serious, but my GP reckoned that his digestive system wasn't quite ready so that was the result. It could be that he would have had these things anyway though.
The thing to remember is not to get too worried about milestones - she will have a corrected age six weeks younger than her actual age. My lad was 11 weeks before he smiled, and he's behind on head control and rolling, but reasonably on time if he was a month younger than he is.
Try to take care of yourself emotionally, an emergency section is a pretty traumatic thing to have gone through. Hope you and your little one are home soon

pwurple

Congrats on new baby. She is a great size, 4lbs 7oz... Some twins go full term and barely get to that weight. There is nothing as frightening as seeing your child in hospital, but she is in good hands, and will be home safe and sound to you.

Hang in there, and look after yourself. Rest as much as you can and mind the stitches.

KKkitty

Thanks for the replies. Had 2 previous pregnancies that went full term with no major complications so this is all new to me.
One of the midwives did say that babies born that prematurely haven't the coordination to suck and swallow at the same time so that could be why she can't take bottle feeds just yet. Just goes to show how different each pregnancy is.

Moonbeam

Irish premature babies have a facebook page that I know alot of people find useful.
I hope you recover fast and remember she is in the best hands and look after yourself too.

KKkitty

Moonbeam wrote: »

Irish premature babies have a facebook page that I know alot of people find useful.
I hope you recover fast and remember she is in the best hands and look after yourself too.

Thanks Moonbeam. She is so tiny and frail looking and even though I've been told it's nothing I did wrong I still feel bad. The blood pressure is still up and down but that will take time to settle. My partner will make sure I take it easy and I will be on top form by the time she's home anyway.

Neyite

I'm not a mum of a preemie, but I was one myself almost 40 years ago. I was 6 weeks early, and 4lb 11oz, back when neo-natal technology and medical care was not as advanced as it is now. My partner was 6 weeks early too. Both of us were healthy and happy in childhood with no illnesses other than the usual childhood ones that everyone gets. We met all our babyhood milestones - no development issues in either of our childhoods. Hope that reassures you somewhat.

But its not easy to see your little one in the incubator so tiny and hooked up to all the tubes and monitors. I had 3 days of it with my little one and emotionally its rough on mammy. And especially when you have had major abdominal surgery and other related issues, not to mention hormones still going bonkers on you. So do try and look after you too. The little one will rest and feed and grow stronger with the help of the neo natal team, you need to do the same.

KKkitty

The tubes and things hanging out of her are daunting. A woman my partner knows was telling him today that around 40 odd years ago when she was born she weighed 2 pounds and she's alive and well today. Hearing that kind of stuff is great and reassuring. Everything was very rushed for my daughter's birth. I was only given hours to digest the fact that she was going to be born and I couldn't say can ye not wait another while. The delivery room was packed with all sorts of doctors, midwives and other specialists so it felt quite claustrophobic. Hearing my daughter cry after delivery was brilliant but she was whisked away to the premature unit immediately so I didn't have the all important first cuddle.

nikpmup

KKkitty wrote: »

The tubes and things hanging out of her are daunting. A woman my partner knows was telling him today that around 40 odd years ago when she was born she weighed 2 pounds and she's alive and well today. Hearing that kind of stuff is great and reassuring. Everything was very rushed for my daughter's birth. I was only given hours to digest the fact that she was going to be born and I couldn't say can ye not wait another while. The delivery room was packed with all sorts of doctors, midwives and other specialists so it felt quite claustrophobic. Hearing my daughter cry after delivery was brilliant but she was whisked away to the premature unit immediately so I didn't have the all important first cuddle.

That's very hard KKkitty. My labour suddenly went from normal to emergency, and I was given a general anaesthetic - this all happened in about five minutes. He was born at 6.30pm and I didn't get to see him until 9pm, and then only for five minutes, when he was rushed off to the neonatal unit. It kills me that he was born into a room full of strangers and neither me nor his dad got to cuddle him. However, he's in his cot at the moment, gurgling and laughing at me and his toys and trying to grab his toes. Seeing him like that now, I know his birth didn't have a lasting effect on him, only me.
Having said that, it took me a long time to digest and process what happened, and how he was born. I'm still processing it, and I'm really upset that I missed out on that lovely moment in the delivery room. Talking to other people who'd been through the same thing helped, both on here and in ''real life''; I found that people who hadn't had traumatic births were of the attitude, well, he's here safely, isn't that what's important? Of course, that goes without saying, but it still doesn't mean that it wasn't an awful experience! I found it quite shocking that nobody was prepared to let me talk about the birth - the phn, my GP, and my partner all kept repeating, he's here safe, isn't that what's important. I think it's vital to recognise that you've been through a really tough experience emotionally and physically, and to seek the support you need to help you with it.
You've also got the added stress of your daughter being in special care. My son only spent one night there, but I found that really hard. Talking to other mums, they all said what helped was spending as much time as possible with their babies. Cuddle her next to your skin as much as you can - even though she's having trouble feeding, this will help her bond and feel safe. She'll be out of there in no time hopefully.

Jogathon

My sister's first was born suddenly two months early. He weighed 3 1/2 lbs and he was tiny. She felt very down and overwhelmed too afterwards. She had him, there were loads of doctors and nurses in the room, and then they whisked the baby away, her husband went with the baby and she was left in the room by herself. Now it was probably only for a few mins, but she found that just so upsetting. She was worried and alone and she got a mild case of the baby blues, especially when he wasn't allowed home for a month.

He is healthy, happy and completely normal, in playschool and loves it. My brother was 6 weeks early too, he is 24, and has just got his dream job after finishing his masters.

Please don't feel overwhelmed. You can cope. It's not the pregnancy you planned but it has worked out okay.

Chattastrophe!

nikpmup wrote: »

That's very hard KKkitty. My labour suddenly went from normal to emergency, and I was given a general anaesthetic - this all happened in about five minutes. He was born at 6.30pm and I didn't get to see him until 9pm, and then only for five minutes, when he was rushed off to the neonatal unit. It kills me that he was born into a room full of strangers and neither me nor his dad got to cuddle him. However, he's in his cot at the moment, gurgling and laughing at me and his toys and trying to grab his toes. Seeing him like that now, I know his birth didn't have a lasting effect on him, only me.
Having said that, it took me a long time to digest and process what happened, and how he was born. I'm still processing it, and I'm really upset that I missed out on that lovely moment in the delivery room. Talking to other people who'd been through the same thing helped, both on here and in ''real life''; I found that people who hadn't had traumatic births were of the attitude, well, he's here safely, isn't that what's important? Of course, that goes without saying, but it still doesn't mean that it wasn't an awful experience! I found it quite shocking that nobody was prepared to let me talk about the birth - the phn, my GP, and my partner all kept repeating, he's here safe, isn't that what's important. I think it's vital to recognise that you've been through a really tough experience emotionally and physically, and to seek the support you need to help you with it.
You've also got the added stress of your daughter being in special care. My son only spent one night there, but I found that really hard. Talking to other mums, they all said what helped was spending as much time as possible with their babies. Cuddle her next to your skin as much as you can - even though she's having trouble feeding, this will help her bond and feel safe. She'll be out of there in no time hopefully.

I feel the same. I said all through my pregnancy that I wasn't worried about the actual birth part, that I didn't care what happened or how it went, as long as he eventually came out safe and sound.

And then I had a really traumatic painful birth. It was probably quite "normal" from a medical point of view, but it wasn't the birth I'd planned and wanted. And despite what I'd said all along, it did matter, I was upset. And we had that lovely moment where we got skin-to-skin contact and tried breastfeeding - but it didn't work (and never did work afterwards, even though I had the best of intentions.) And then a few hours later he was whisked off to the intensive care unit with low blood sugar, the nurses on the ward noticed that he was "jittery" and tested his blood and it was ridiculously low, I hadn't noticed a thing wrong with him, which of course made me feel like the worst mother in the world.

I remember calling up to see him several times while he was in the intensive care unit ... and I remember there was a tiny little girl in the incubator next to his, who must have been only half his size (and he was only 7 3, so not a huge baby.) And she was perfect. Tiny, but absolutely perfect.

But the tubes etc are so daunting - I remember looking at my little baby there in this massive incubator, wearing only a nappy, tubes and machines and needles everywhere, he looked so lost and vulnerable. It's an awful feeling, and all you want to do is bring them home for a cuddle and fix everything for them.

Your little girl is a great weight, and she'll be absolutely fine. Just take this time to look after yourself!

KKkitty

Before they found out about the high blood pressure and high protein levels I had made plans about the birth in my head. I wasn't going to have this or that and when it was taken out of my hands I felt cheated somewhat. It's cruel how our bodies can turn against us. Trying to rest here but it's hard when your mind is racing. Thanks for all the kind words and advice.

xzanti

KKkitty wrote: »

Before they found out about the high blood pressure and high protein levels I had made plans about the birth in my head. I wasn't going to have this or that and when it was taken out of my hands I felt cheated somewhat. It's cruel how our bodies can turn against us. Trying to rest here but it's hard when your mind is racing. Thanks for all the kind words and advice.

This feeling is normal.. it is a form of grief.

As you say, things were taken out of your hands, the birth that you had visualised being so wonderful went beyond your control.. this feeling can take it's toll on you.. even though your baby is safe and in good hands..

Maybe when things settle and your baby is home with you, you might consider talking to someone.. even your PHN.

I had an emergency C Section but it was an overdue baby.. but even so I remember that feeling of being totally overwhelmed.. and even a bit of a failure because I didn't give birth naturally.. again, it's all normal but these feelings need to be dealt with in due course or they can be destructive to your well being..

That's my experience of it anyway..

Congratulations on your baby I hope she's home soon.. best of luck.

KKkitty

My youngest son has been throwing up this morning so I rang and told the nurses that and they said not to call in just in case I pass it on to my daughter. They also said she's hasn't had any vomits since they changed to the pre thickened formula so hopefully she stays going like that. It'll take time and she's in the best of hands.

How Strange

KKkitty that's very tough on all of you. I also agree that you should talk about the whole thing once everything calms down. I think childbirth can be traumatic at the best of times so I can only imagine how it feels when things are outside your control.

KKkitty

How Strange wrote: »

KKkitty that's very tough on all of you. I also agree that you should talk about the whole thing once everything calms down. I think childbirth can be traumatic at the best of times so I can only imagine how it feels when things are outside your control.

I never wanted a c section but unfortunately had no other choice but to have it. For a day or so in the hospital all I had was doctors and midwives asking me question after question and blood pressure being checked umpteen times a day. I'm physically bruised on both arms from it all. It kept going up even though I was resting which I couldn't understand. They said it'll take time for it to settle and it was just down to the pregnancy hormones but since I never had it while pregnant with my boys I am flummoxed as to why it happened this time.

Loonie

KKkitty, I've been pretty much exactly where you are. Pre eclampsia. My first was born by crash section at 35 weeks, weighed just over 5lbs. She was brought straight to ICU and I didn't see her until the next day! She was kept in for 2 weeks because she had no suck. Reflux as well although that didn't show it's head until she was home.

It was really hard, mainly because I didn't properly bond with her until she got home. I felt SO guilty about everything, from not having a proper birth to not keeping her in long enough, to not breast feeding. A midwife made me feel guilty about not spending every waking hour in the hospital, but I could barely get in once a day for a few hours because I was so week (and not allowed to drive of couse!). It was terrible. But once she's home and you've got your baby to look after it will fall into place and it will be fine. I do still sometimes have a cry about her birth (especially after having my second by VBAC and having a proper point of comparison) but she's 4 now and it is all well and truly in the past.

Do your best, but remember you've just had a baby and you are sick and your hormones are all over the place. Let the doctors take care of her and you and try to get better for when you both are home. Congratulations and good luck!

KKkitty

Loonie wrote: »

KKkitty, I've been pretty much exactly where you are. Pre eclampsia. My first was born by crash section at 35 weeks, weighed just over 5lbs. She was brought straight to ICU and I didn't see her until the next day! She was kept in for 2 weeks because she had no suck. Reflux as well although that didn't show it's head until she was home.

It was really hard, mainly because I didn't properly bond with her until she got home. I felt SO guilty about everything, from not having a proper birth to not keeping her in long enough, to not breast feeding. A midwife made me feel guilty about not spending every waking hour in the hospital, but I could barely get in once a day for a few hours because I was so week (and not allowed to drive of couse!). It was terrible. But once she's home and you've got your baby to look after it will fall into place and it will be fine. I do still sometimes have a cry about her birth (especially after having my second by VBAC and having a proper point of comparison) but she's 4 now and it is all well and truly in the past.

Do your best, but remember you've just had a baby and you are sick and your hormones are all over the place. Let the doctors take care of her and you and try to get better for when you both are home. Congratulations and good luck!

We don't have our own transport at the minute either so there may be a day in which we can't get in to see her. Thought we'd have one before I was due but it didn't work out that way unfortunately. Her oxygen levels dropped earlier so my partner went to see her cos he knew I wouldn't be able for it emotionally. She's fine now again but the nurses did say she will have highs and lows. I have 2 boys and spent time away from them in the hospital so I feel like I want to be in 2 places at the one time but it's breaking my heart that I can't.

Hannibal Smith

I was a premature baby...I weighed 4lbs 7 and that was 30 odd years ago. I was kept in longer than usual ao im told but once I started gaining weight ibwas apparently turfed out.

Congratulations and I hope the stress and worry is behind you soon xx

drquirky

Yup. Just saw this and wanted to say I was a preemie as well. 6 weeks and 4lbs 9. That was 36 yrs ago - I've been a competitive athlete much of my life. In a few years you'll look back, with your super healthy child and won't believe how much stress it all was! Good luck

KKkitty

Thank you for your kind words everyone. Don't know how I feel today. Head is still all over the place really. No matter what I've been told about it not being my fault I still feel bad.

efb

My goddaughter was a prem thar had to emergency c sectioned. My sister wasn't into c sections but needs must and both are great now.

Don't blame yourself. Millions of things can affect a pregnancy and you can't be responsible for all of them.

Best wishes to you, your new daughter and your family, and congrats xxx

KKkitty

efb wrote: »

My goddaughter was a prem thar had to emergency c sectioned. My sister wasn't into c sections but needs must and both are great now.

Don't blame yourself. Millions of things can affect a pregnancy and you can't be responsible for all of them.

Best wishes to you, your new daughter and your family, and congrats xxx

I wasn't in to c sections either. When that decision was taken out of my hands I couldn't believe it. It wasn't the plan I had in my head for my baby's birth at all. I was eating properly and trying to stay busy with stuff but the tiredness was getting to me. To be told I had moderate pre eclampsia was horrible. Then to be told I had to have her 6 weeks early was worse. She is doing ok but she's not home where she belongs.

Hannibal Smith

KKkitty wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words everyone. Don't know how I feel today. Head is still all over the place really. No matter what I've been told about it not being my fault I still feel bad.

I know the situations are totally different and im not in any way trying to draw comparisons or suggest I know what you're going through. ...but I had to be induced 4 weeks early on my first and iy turned into an emergency section.

He was a fine weight and only needed an incubator for the first few hours for heat...but for the first weeks I felt terribly guilty. I felt guilty that as a mother I couldn't carry him full term and he had to be brought into the world so early and my body didn't do what others could.

But you have two older children so you know how parenting can make you feel that bad about things without any real justification. Pre eclampsia etc are medical things that just happen and it can strike anyone.

There's no point saying don't feel guilty because its not that simple. ..but it will pass and soon your baby will be licking thr wheel on the buggy and you'll have a whole new set of guilts to deal with!

KKkitty

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

I know the situations are totally different and im not in any way trying to draw comparisons or suggest I know what you're going through. ...but I had to be induced 4 weeks early on my first and iy turned into an emergency section.

He was a fine weight and only needed an incubator for the first few hours for heat...but for the first weeks I felt terribly guilty. I felt guilty that as a mother I couldn't carry him full term and he had to be brought into the world so early and my body didn't do what others could.

But you have two older children so you know how parenting can make you feel that bad about things without any real justification. Pre eclampsia etc are medical things that just happen and it can strike anyone.

There's no point saying don't feel guilty because its not that simple. ..but it will pass and soon your baby will be licking thr wheel on the buggy and you'll have a whole new set of guilts to deal with!

That's exactly how I feel!! Why couldn't I carry her full term like my 2 boys? Up until then it had been a normal pregnancy. I had a small bit of morning sickness and wasn't feeling bad at all. I was feeling tired but I put that down to it being the last month or so of the pregnancy. The midwives and consultants said it could take time for the blood pressure and protein levels to calm down due to pregnancy hormones still being in my body. It'll all take time for things to settle with me and my daughter.

Hannibal Smith

KKkitty wrote: »

That's exactly how I feel!! Why couldn't I carry her full term like my 2 boys? Up until then it had been a normal pregnancy. I had a small bit of morningss and wasn't feeling bad at all. I was feeling tired but I put that down to it being the last month or so of the pregnancy. The midwives and consultants said it could take time for the blood pressure and protein levels to calm down due to pregnancy hormones still being in my body. It'll all take time for things to settle with me and my daughter.

I didn't even know I had it...I went to my gp...bp was up and he sent me to the hospital where they couldn't bring it down. ..they got me to week 36 which was 6 days later and then it was gane over.

I felt really bad every time he puked mucus and every time hr cried because I thought he shouldn't even be here yet...he should be safe in my tummy and not dealing with all this stuff.

I cant imagine how hard things are for you. The time will pass and you will get your family together xx

KKkitty

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

I didn't even know I had it...I went to my gp...bp was up and he sent me to the hospital where they couldn't bring it down. ..they got me to week 36 which was 6 days later and then it was gane over.

I felt really bad every time he puked mucus and every time hr cried because I thought he shouldn't even be here yet...he should be safe in my tummy and not dealing with all this stuff.

I cant imagine how hard things are for you. The time will pass and you will get your family together xx

Had my PHN here today and she had a good chat with me about everything. She was glad I became visibly upset telling her of the birth and how it affected me. She checked my blood pressure and it was reasonably high again but I'm not expecting that to be back to normal just yet. She talked about post natal depression and when I cried she was happy I was letting some emotion out. She didn't want me bottling up how I'm feeling.

Moonbeam

That is good:) I hope that in a week or 2 everything will be as it should.

lynski

the hospital should be able to offer you some counselling for the traumatic birth and there are facebook groups also to talk about it. i think there is some hypnosis tracks available as well.
I just want to say this, i am not sure if it has been said or not, but your milk is the best thing for your premmie baby and many women find that pumping or nursing gives them back the control they felt they had lost during their birth if it did not go to the desired way.
It is not too late and a chat with the lc in the hospital or privately would help you if you are interested.

KKkitty

Moonbeam wrote: »

That is good:) I hope that in a week or 2 everything will be as it should.

So do I. Sick of taking tablets and blood pressure checks at this stage. Want my little girl home too. It'll all pan out in the end but I'm sick of the waiting. The way each pregnancy can be so different is baffling.

Hannibal Smith

KKkitty wrote: »

So do I. Sick of taking tablets and blood pressure checks at this stage. Want my little girl home too. It'll all pan out in the end but I'm sick of the waiting. The way each pregnancy can be so different is baffling.

That's great that you're talking to your phn. It must all seem so endless at the moment so it's good to have someone who can help you in the meantime.

Hope you're bp settles soon...at least that would be one thing ticked off the list!

KKkitty

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

That's great that you're talking to your phn. It must all seem so endless at the moment so it's good to have someone who can help you in the meantime.

Hope you're bp settles soon...at least that would be one thing ticked off the list!

Thank you I'll keep in touch with my PHN as much as I need to. That's what they're there for after all. Things won't go back to normal straight away but they will soon.

Neyite

KKkitty wrote: »

She talked about post natal depression and when I cried she was happy I was letting some emotion out. She didn't want me bottling up how I'm feeling.

The nurses were the same with me. I was apologising for crying when they were bringing him up to neo-natal, but they said they'd be more worried if I showed no emotion.

In fact, that's how a relatives PND was flagged. She showed no emotion when her little one was screaming while getting a minor procedure done. Next thing the PHN was around and organised counselling and stuff for her.

KKkitty

Got in to see my daughter today and she's doing well. Also got the blood pressure checked and it's the lowest it's been in what seems like ages.

KKkitty

Neyite wrote: »

The nurses were the same with me. I was apologising for crying when they were bringing him up to neo-natal, but they said they'd be more worried if I showed no emotion.

In fact, that's how a relatives PND was flagged. She showed no emotion when her little one was screaming while getting a minor procedure done. Next thing the PHN was around and organised counselling and stuff for her.

I'm an emotional person anyway but I guess the PHN had to let me know what to look out for. Shows how fragile the mind can get though.