Fight with fiancee need help with something to say

pudzey101

ok so long story short , i left the house after a silly argument thursday night and had been ignoring my fiancee's calls and texts untill i got my head clear. she dropped all my things to my door today and its only hit me now how serious this has got . its really my first time long term relationship and we've been engaged over the past year , planning weddings etc.

what would you guys do and please take this seriously . theres so much i wanna say but cant get myself to say them

Borderfox

If you can't communicate your finished so two descions to make going forward.

When you decide to talk to her maybe neutral ground might help it go better

pudzey101

Borderfox wrote: »

If you can't communicate your finished so two descions to make going forward.

When you decide to talk to her maybe neutral ground might help it go better

i know that was has me scared to make the first step what exactly is neutral ground sorry for asking stupid questions its prob the only time i ever felt like this

Blingy

Neutral ground = a cafe/park somewhere neither of you have connection with.
If you want to salvage the relationship you need to sort out your feelings and decide what you actually want and then contact her. Try and have a level headed discussion. Not very nice to ignore anyone for 4 days. Best of luck

pudzey101

Blingy wrote: »

Neutral ground = a cafe/park somewhere neither of you have connection with.
If you want to salvage the relationship you need to sort out your feelings and decide what you actually want and then contact her. Try and have a level headed discussion. Not very nice to ignore anyone for 4 days. Best of luck

yeah il have to try salvage something i know if i only put myself in her shoes for the 4 days it would of been hell for me im only starting to come back around to myself now and am seeing things in different perspectives

Catphish

pudzey101 wrote: »

ok so long story short , i left the house after a silly argument thursday night and had been ignoring my fiancee's calls and texts untill i got my head clear. she dropped all my things to my door today and its only hit me now how serious this has got . its really my first time long term relationship and we've been engaged over the past year , planning weddings etc.

what would you guys do and please take this seriously . theres so much i wanna say but cant get myself to say them

Get the ball rolling and just ask her to meet you. Tell her you love her, and that you would rather talk things through if she is willing to. That is what it boils down to here, you DO love each other. Tiffs happen in relationships, it's normal. But it is how you communicate your feelings that are important, and hear her out.

I know that feeling you're talking about op. It's a feeling of anguish, like a theres a void without them in your life, it's really horrible. But if you love her then you know you must communicate this to her, otherwise she doesn't know what you're thinking and will assume the split is what you want.

Get talking, and don't let pride get in the way of your future together. Best of luck op

pudzey101

Catphish wrote: »

Get the ball rolling and just ask her to meet you. Tell her you love her, and that you would rather talk things through if she is willing to. That is what it boils down to here, you DO love each other. Tiffs happen in relationships, it's normal. But it is how you communicate your feelings that are important, and hear her out.

I know that feeling you're talking about op. It's a feeling of anguish, like a theres a void without them in your life, it's really horrible. But if you love her then you know you must communicate this to her, otherwise she doesn't know what you're thinking and will assume the split is what you want.

Get talking, and don't let pride get in the way of your future together. Best of luck op

yeah i really wanna communicate but im just so afraid to make a move . i know if i was ignored for 4 days what id be thinking , good post catphish il have to try of thinking up of what to say

ElleEm

You should start with "I am sorry I have been missing for days". A relationship really survives on how people deal with arguments. You cannot just p!ss off with no contact for days. It is not how things work. If you do get back on track you need to sit down and discuss what to do when you fight again. Even in the height of an argument, you both deserve to be treated with respect from one another.

pudzey101

ElleEm wrote: »

You should start with "I am sorry I have been missing for days". A relationship really survives on how people deal with arguments. You cannot just p!ss off with no contact for days. It is not how things work. If you do get back on track you need to sit down and discuss what to do when you fight again. Even in the height of an argument, you both deserve to be treated with respect from one another.

yeah might be a good start elleem i havnt really been missing just in my parents and woudnt talk to her when she asked i know now after 20 odd years what "i wish i could turn back time" actually means
im thinking of making a text saying:

Hi *** sorry i havnt talked and ignored you , but sorry and still love you , and want this to work if you still do . so how would u feel about meeting me down town tomorrow if your not busy and we'll talk from there

would that be good start lads and gals ?

ElleEm

You have been missing from her life and have put a stop to moving forward.
That text is grand.

pudzey101

ElleEm wrote: »

You have been missing from her life and have put a stop to moving forward.
That text is grand.

yeah sounds good elleem , goona try build up some courage and send this text , not going to be optimisic if i dont get a text back though, beacuse the damage is prob already done , ill keep posted on how it goes , if this works for me i owe yee all

LegacyUser

pudzey101 wrote: »

yeah might be a good start elleem i havnt really been missing just in my parents and woudnt talk to her when she asked i know now after 20 odd years what "i wish i could turn back time" actually means
im thinking of making a text saying:

Hi *** sorry i havnt talked and ignored you , but sorry and still love you , and want this to work if you still do . so how would u feel about meeting me down town tomorrow if your not busy and we'll talk from there

would that be good start lads and gals ?

Honestly, no. You have messed up big time, and your text isn't remotely apologetic enough, and doesn't convey any passion or urgency about wanting her back. It just comes across as limp.

Catphish

pudzey101 wrote: »

yeah i really wanna communicate but im just so afraid to make a move . i know if i was ignored for 4 days what id be thinking , good post catphish il have to try of thinking up of what to say

Well there is a good place to start, apologise for ignoring her. She must have been at her wits end Pudzey, and probably still is! Just explain to her you needed some down time and you're sorry for worrying her. Then tell her you love her and and you want it to work. She undoubtedly have things to say to this, and it will get the ball rolling so to speak. Hope you patch things up soon

ElleEm

I think you have wasted enough time. If I was you, I wouldn't waste any more "plucking up courage". You know what you want- just contact her.

pudzey101

Catphish wrote: »

Well there is a good place to start, apologise for ignoring her. She must have been at her wits end Pudzey, and probably still is! Just explain to her you needed some down time and you're sorry for worrying her. Then tell her you love her and and you want it to work. She undoubtedly have things to say to this, and it will get the ball rolling so to speak. Hope you patch things up soon

yeah im just righting few bits down here before i act do text hope all your's help works ! :P

LegacyUser

Whatever you decide to say in your text, leave the smilies out of it - it looks like you are trivialising it

CaraMay

And on top of the text you need to do a lot of maturing. Good husbands don't p off for 4 days.

Tbh you might have caused a rift that can't be fixed and if so you will learn a hard lesson about running home to your parents when you have a fight. Imagine ye had 2 kids, would you run off then and leave her to it? All this may be going through her mind for the last 5 days and it's very possible she won't take the risk. It would be hard to blame her.

pudzey101

CaraMay wrote: »

And on top of the text you need to do a lot of maturing. Good husbands don't p off for 4 days.

Tbh you might have caused a rift that can't be fixed and if so you will learn a hard lesson about running home to your parents when you have a fight. Imagine ye had 2 kids, would you run off then and leave her to it? All this may be going through her mind for the last 5 days and it's very possible she won't take the risk. It would be hard to blame her.

i can see where ur coming from cara , anyway the message is sent so fingers crossed from here

Toots

Best of luck. Don't be surprised if she doesn't issue a speedy reply, she'll most likely let you stew for a bit.

pudzey101

Toots* wrote: »

Best of luck. Don't be surprised if she doesn't issue a speedy reply, she'll most likely let you stew for a bit.

yeah not hoping for much will leave it till 10 in the morning and if hear nothing leave it go

SterlingArcher

You had a fight you ignored her. Nothing women hate more than being ignored. They can't handle it , to the point of overreacting.

Tell her you needed to get your head straight and make some booty calls before you bite the bullet.

Shocked by your brazen macho attitude she will be angry but seduced. Then casually smile raise one eyebrow and say I'm f'ing with you.

She will be relieved, but totally confused and aroused. a dangerous potent combination.

Wedding back on. Invite me to the afters

Tasden

pudzey101 wrote: »

yeah not hoping for much will leave it till 10 in the morning and if hear nothing leave it go

What do you mean by "leave it go"?

pudzey101

leave it go like sending a message if i hear nothing by tmorow saying : this is my last text ... open up to her and ask to meet to sort things again you know or is that a bad idea ?? thanks archer you';l be first on the list if things go to plan haha

Czarcasm

pudzey101 wrote: »

ok so long story short , i left the house after a silly argument thursday night and had been ignoring my fiancee's calls and texts untill i got my head clear. she dropped all my things to my door today and its only hit me now how serious this has got . its really my first time long term relationship and we've been engaged over the past year , planning weddings etc.

what would you guys do and please take this seriously . theres so much i wanna say but cant get myself to say them

OP can I ask what age you are that you're in a long term relationship, engaged to be married, you disappear for four days, refusing to communicate with your girlfriend, and then ask strangers on the Internet what should you say to her...

I wonder are YOU taking this seriously?

pudzey101

im in my late twenties , im only coming to terms with things today, the past 4 days iv had my phone on silent and had no contact with anyone i was just trying to clear my head . and yeah i know this isnt a good enough answer or have treated any person like that .

Toots

pudzey101 wrote: »

yeah not hoping for much will leave it till 10 in the morning and if hear nothing leave it go

You're giving her til 10 tomorrow morning??? Dear god man! You cut all contact for 4 days, at least let her have another night to sleep on it before she replies to you. Honestly, the fact that she dropped your stuff on the doorstep is an indication of how bad the situation has gotten.

I know you're in a difficult situation, but you treated her appallingly. If my husband had done that before we were married, I'd have been in an awful state. In fact if he'd stormed off after an argument and I didn't hear from him and couldn't get in touch with him for more than 24 hours, I'd have been genuinely concerned for his safety and considering going to the Gardai and reporting him missing. For the first day or so she might have been worried if you were alive or dead for all you know. I'm assuming she phoned your parents and found out you were there but just refusing to talk to her. She must have been devastated. BTW, I'm not saying this to try to make you feel bad, I suppose I'm just trying to give you an idea of the girl's perspective on it if I were to have been in her shoes.

If you haven't heard from her by wednesday morning, bite the bullet and phone her. She might not reply to the text because she's thinking "after all this he can't even be bothered to phone me". It'll probably take a lot of work to come back for this, providing she's even open to the idea.

pudzey101

Toots* wrote: »

You're giving her til 10 tomorrow morning??? Dear god man! You cut all contact for 4 days, at least let her have another night to sleep on it before she replies to you. Honestly, the fact that she dropped your stuff on the doorstep is an indication of how bad the situation has gotten.

I know you're in a difficult situation, but you treated her appallingly. If my husband had done that before we were married, I'd have been in an awful state. In fact if he'd stormed off after an argument and I didn't hear from him and couldn't get in touch with him for more than 24 hours, I'd have been genuinely concerned for his safety and considering going to the Gardai and reporting him missing. For the first day or so she might have been worried if you were alive or dead for all you know. I'm assuming she phoned your parents and found out you were there but just refusing to talk to her. She must have been devastated. BTW, I'm not saying this to try to make you feel bad, I suppose I'm just trying to give you an idea of the girl's perspective on it if I were to have been in her shoes.

If you haven't heard from her by wednesday morning, bite the bullet and phone her. She might not reply to the text because she's thinking "after all this he can't even be bothered to phone me". It'll probably take a lot of work to come back for this, providing she's even open to the idea.

yeah maybe that is abit early its only after hitting me hard now and i really need to speak to her before its too late , if its not already yeah she got in touch with my mum called to my house and i wudnt open my door , i just wanted to be left alone . thanks toots , i put myself in her shoes today and if it had happend me i woudnt be happy at all ,

LegacyUser

pudzey101 wrote: »

im in my late twenties , im only coming to terms with things today, the past 4 days iv had my phone on silent and had no contact with anyone i was just trying to clear my head .

.... except your parents, presumably. Did you not go to work or are you unemployed?
I feel like you need a good shake with a big spoonful of reality. Whatever you were so annoyed about is clearly not an issue for you now. So whatever your gf did, wasn't that bad, was it?

Your ph was on silent ... so what???? You KNEW she was calling you. You saw the missed calls. You decided to ignore her text messages. Don't blame the silent phone here ffs.

Not only did you run back to mammy ans daddy for four days, but you had complete lack of respect and thoughts for your gf. Now you throw her a measly text, and decide that if she hasn't replied by tomorrow, you're gonna move on? Seriously wtf. You haven't learnt anything. My advise to you would be to go to your gf asap, tell her you 'get it' - that you understand, and won't behave like this again ..... However I don't really believe that - so my advise to your gf would be; "You are well rid. Now you know that you never could've relied upon him when tthins in the marriage got really tough. He has proven he will always put himself first."

Did you live together?


<Mod Note: Poster - as you are unreg your posts have to be reviewed and approved when there is a mod available. As a result there may be a natural delay in your posts appearing. Please have patience and wait. Posting the same thing over and over may just result in all of your attempted posts being deleted. Thanks Taltos>

LegacyUser

pudzey101 wrote: »

yeah maybe that is abit early its only after hitting me hard now and i really need to speak to her before its too late , if its not already yeah she got in touch with my mum called to my house and i wudnt open my door , i just wanted to be left alone . thanks toots , i put myself in her shoes today and if it had happend me i woudnt be happy at all ,

After everything that has happened, you are absolutely not in any position to decide what is an acceptable time-frame for her to reply. You obviously have not put yourself in her shoes OP - you are STILL focused on what you want (to speak to her before it's too late). This is not a choice you get to make.

I can't believe how childishly you've acted - and the worry and hurt you've caused your GF, and the position you put your parents in. If you get a second chance, you know you can never ever throw your toys out of the pram like this again, right?

pudzey101

update guys : she texted back . thanking me for apoligizing , said non of it was her fault ( which i understand) what i done was wrong, and shel meet me in town let her now a time .


now there must be someone up there looking down on me for her to text me back that and give me a chance to meet up , im not counting my chickens just yet , i know this face to face chat will have to come down to one way or another

CaraMay

Do you actually want this girl?

Taltos

SterlingArcher - welcome to PI/RI. Can you please take five minutes as a new poster here to read our charter. Basically if you don't have constructive advice (inferred mature) to offer please don't post. We have little (almost none) tolerance for messing here and posts such as yours regularly result in at least a warning and more often than not a ban.

Thanks
Taltos

ElleEm

OP, I really hope this works out for you, but your posts make it seem you are excited and nervous about asking this girl to your debs or something, not devastated about your catastrophic mistake that could have cost you your relationship with your future wife.

Your posts are littered with smilies, you seem to nearly be enjoying the drama and you really seem clueless to your fiance's needs. It really took you FOUR days and a bag of clothes on your mammy's doorstep for you to realise how bad this had gotten?!

With risk of sounding harsh, you need to cop yourself on. You need to learn how to manage yourself in and after an arguement. You need to constantly check in with how you and your fiance are doing regards to communication and you need to cut the apron strings to your parents'. You are a grown man. If you disgree with your fiance over something, then disagree with her... don't run away from it.

MagicMarker

In your late 20's and running off to mammy in a huff when you have an argument?

You sound way too immature to be even in a relationship, let alone marriage.

Stavro Mueller

In general how do you handle things when they go wrong? I wouldn't blame your fiancee for having severe doubts about the whole thing if your reaction to having a row is this over the top behaviour. It screams flakiness and immaturity and may have planted a lot of seeds of doubt in her head. How it never occurred to you that hiding away like this for days wouldn't have consequences is bewildering.

ManOfMystery

I don't want to jump on the bandwagon here OP, but you really do need to look at your behaviour seriously.

Your posts convey a sense of slight bemusement, rather than utter distress that you could potentially be losing your future wife. There have been plenty of guys in similar situations posting threads here over the years, and some of them were in such a state they couldn't eat/sleep/think/etc. I'm not saying that you should be feeling that extreme, but it is concerning that you seem to be at the more relaxed end of the scale.

If none of this bothers you that much, then maybe marriage and a serious/committed relationship isn't for you. Anyone going into a marriage really needs to treat it seriously as it's not all flowers and sunshine, it's a commitment for the rest of your life which requires a lot of effort to be successful.

If however it does bother you, then you need to realise that you simply can't disappear on your partner for 4 days and then issue her with something akin to an ultimatum regarding when you'll both talk. A relationship is basically a partnership, and any successful partnership requires good communication and fair behaviour from both sides. Think of it like a set of scales - they have to be in balance for a relationship to be mutually enjoyable; tipping it one way or another never works.

ZiabR

Sorry I had to reply to this thread... I am just finding it very very hard to actually understand your posts. You sound extremely immature for starters, you say you are late twenties, but if I am honest you come across as late teens max.

You say you are engaged to this woman and you go on to say that you find it hard to communicate with her and are scared to make a move... What kind of relationship is this, you are engaged... you should be able to sit down like adults and talk about anything together.

You just sound like you don't really care if this relationship works out or not. Running off to your parents house is something a child does, you need to grow up if this is going to work.

I think if she accepts you back with open arms, you are very lucky.

And, what is with the emoticons??? stop!

Taltos

Under review