36 and never had a girlfriend

LegacyUser

I'm a 36 year old guy that's never been in a relationship with a girl, I was overweight all my life and had and still have self esteem issues.

However I am starting to get my life in order ,lost about 4 stone and I am starting build up the confidence to give online dating a try

However when the topic of past relationships come up , its going to look very weird that I've never had a girlfriend

Would appreciate some advice please

Mikros

First off fair play on losing the weight and taking active steps to build up your confidence. You should be really happy with that.

About the past relationships - I wouldn't worry about it. It rarely comes up on on first date conversation and even if it does you can just say you never met anyone special to settle with or make a joke about having very little baggage. Just try and be relaxed and confident in yourself and that's what will come across.

thegreatgonzo

Don't worry about this. It wouldn't bother me anyway, I'd just assume you weren't the type to go out with someone for the sake of it and I'd respect that.

CaraMay

It won't look weird to the right person op. You can tell a white lie and say you've had a few short relationships but just haven't met the right girl. That's acceptable.

Enjoy it!!!

December2012

"I've just never met the right girl"
"It hasn't happened ..... Yet"
"Yknow I don't know"

All good and true responses to that question why you haven't had a girlfriend if it comes up on a date.

As things progress you could talk about confidence and your weight (congratulations on that by the way - that's amazing!)

Don't worry dude, there are plenty of guys who haven't been in a relationship like you.

bytheglass

I would've thought there are quite a few fellas your age who haven't had long term girlfriends but preferred to 'play the field' so I don't think it's odd at all

Well done on the weight loss, keep up the good habits

Chazz Michael Michaels

what should I tell them wrote: »

I'm a 36 year old guy that's never been in a relationship with a girl, I was overweight all my life and had and still have self esteem issues.

However I am starting to get my life in order ,lost about 4 stone and I am starting build up the confidence to give online dating a try

However when the topic of past relationships come up , its going to look very weird that I've never had a girlfriend

Would appreciate some advice please

Just be honest. I'd wager any decent woman would have no issue at all, and may even find it endearing.

zxcvbnm1

I was in the same position OP until recently.
When asked I simply lied ! Just a white lie and didn't dwell on the subject.

I didn't give a 2nd thought about lying either. I got asked the occassional probing question in later dates and I lies again

But I didn't care about lying. I eventually came clean when u became more comfortable with the girl.

My advice - if in doubt, then lie

blatantrereg

The way you express it here doesn't make it seem weird. Just communicate in the same straightforward manner.

I think in your thirties asking about former relationships can be about getting an idea of why the person is single. Basically as long as you don't have a history of cheating or abuse, and you're not pining for some ex, you're grand really. You've a nice simple history that cheques all the not a scumbag/psycho boxes for the interested audience in a sentence or two.

Koptain Liverpool

Don't worry about it. Plenty of people are in the same situation. You don't need to advertise the fact that you haven't had a long relationship when you just meet someone.

If they ask just say that you've dated girls for a few weeks here and there but haven't been in anything longterm. No need to go into details.

Emme

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

Don't worry about it. Plenty of people are in the same situation. You don't need to advertise the fact that you haven't had a long relationship when you just meet someone.

If they ask just say that you've dated girls for a few weeks here and there but haven't been in anything longterm. No need to go into details.

This might be a good thing but the right girl won't mind. OP, you are at a good age for meeting girls now. People have grown out of the teen/twenties superficiality and are looking for genuine people like you. You have a real advantage in the dating game - you haven't been embittered by previous relationships so you can take girls as you find them. You also haven't been jaded by the dating scene like many players when they get to your age. Believe me, that is a huge advantage for a man in his 30s.

Have you had counseling for your self-esteem issues? Well done for losing the weight.

Online dating might be a good place to start but you're more likely to meet genuine girls face to face through clubs and other activities.

sadie06

I'm married, but were I single, I would much rather date a guy who has no relationship history than one who has a very complicated history and/or baggage.


Make light of it. Little white lies about flings, but nothing serious. Get out there!

macplato

OP, many people advise you to lie about your dating history, and I would strongly suggest that you don't do that. And no, these would not be considered "white lies". Relationship history is a very important part of who we are, and lying about it to someone you want to have a healthy, loving relationship with is just not ok.

Some women out there will consider your lack of any meaningful relationships to be a red flag, others won't mind at all. Intimate, long term relationships have a great impact on our development, they help us mature both intellectually and emotionally, they help us get to know ourselves in difficult situations, and they challenge us to grow up.

The hard truth is - you haven't had these benefits and so you may have an idealised expectations of relationships and women in general. You haven't had any practice of dealing with conflict in an intimate relationship and so you lack certain skills that should help you protect your self-esteem when it is challenged. You have no experience setting personal boundaries within a relationship either.

I'm not saying all this to put you off dating, gosh no! You need to go out there and give yourself a chance to experience some meaningful connections. I'm saying this to point out that with your lack of experience and self-esteem issues, you will find it more difficult to build a healthy relationship than you would have, had you had more experience.

I suggest that you put a lot of energy into learning about relationships, and strengthening your self-esteem - give yourself the best chance to succeed by educating yourself. When you meet someone you're interested in - be honest with them about your lack of experience. The woman who is right for you will give you the time and space to learn all the hard and wonderful lessons you haven't had opportunity to learn.

And for goodness sake don't refer to women as "girls", unless you wish to date teenagers.

All the best OP!

LegacyUser

Don't worry about it OP. Like others have said, anyone who genuinely likes you won't be put off by the fact that you have never had a relationship. At the end of the day it makes no difference, I mean there are plenty of people out there who have had relationships and who still haven't a clue about the opposite sex or how to make a relationship work. So just be honest with whoever you meet and go from there.
Fair play to you for losing the weight and putting yourself out there.

eviltwin

You might find some women do have an issue with it. Please please please don't let that, should it happen, damage your fragile confidence.

There are many more women out there who won't mind and who will understand given your issues with weight in the past, its just a question of finding them and they are out there.

Fair play on doing something about your weight and getting yourself out there, I'm sure its not easy. Best of luck with the dating.