Why ?

finix

I always sort out my issues in my head before going to bed, have a shower, clean bed stuff, Then my head hits the pillow, Then it starts. It's mostly stupid stuff. I am putting off going to bed now, hence..bollixed all the time. Vague to you ? It's worse from my side cos I cant explain it !

missjm

finix wrote: »

I always sort out my issues in my head before going to bed, have a shower, clean bed stuff, Then my head hits the pillow, Then it starts. It's mostly stupid stuff. I am putting off going to bed now, hence..bollixed all the time. Vague to you ? It's worse from my side cos I cant explain it !

I don't understand the question. What starts? Can you elaborate a bit?

CaraMay

So you are asking why you can't sleep?

finix

No ! When my head hits the pillow I start worrying about stupid stuff, Stuff before I went to bed would not bother me. Example... separated, 10 yr old son who I see a lot and stays in my place a lot, Why wont dad live with me ? Does he not love me ? why did I **** up my life ? Why am I separated ? Will I die lonely in a flat ? Who will find me ? Will my son think I did not care ? Stuff like that .

Est28

finix wrote: »

I always sort out my issues in my head before going to bed, have a shower, clean bed stuff, Then my head hits the pillow, Then it starts. It's mostly stupid stuff. I am putting off going to bed now, hence..bollixed all the time. Vague to you ? It's worse from my side cos I cant explain it !

I kinda understand...
I have an active mind. It's actually when I sit down to relax at night that it gives my brain time to start thinking and I have all sorts of ideas and plans in my head. You just have to blank it out consciously and set a routine for bed... pick a time, head down, lights out and you'll soon adjust.

nikpmup

I went through a period of time after a bereavement, when as soon as I went to bed my mind would start to race. Money worries, family worries, anything and everything I could mull over, it'd shoot through my mind and I couldn't switch off. One night _ and this sounds ridiculous, but I swear it worked - I actually started to shush myself. I lay in the bed, and as soon as my mind started up, I started to say, out loud, shhhhh, shhhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh. I did this repeatedly, and i don't know how, but it stopped the cycle. It's like white noise blanking out the thought process, at the same time physically self soothing. It's a useful exercise, might be worth a try. At worst, you'll feel like a plank and be no better off

missjm

I'm very much like that. Could lie awake for hours worrying about things or being upset over memories etc.

Why don't you put on some music or the radio on a timer when you go to bed. Better still some audiobooks or something. That way you have a distraction and it may help.

Might be worth it to take up yoga, yogic breathing exercises, or even exercise before bed.

December2012

I wouldn't have a shower before bed- it's very stimulating. A bath would be more relaxing.

Cut down on eating late because digestion can affect your body winding down.

You could download some yoga breathing audiobooks to help you wind down.

Would you talk to a counsellor or therapist about your anxiety?

meeeeh

Reading a book till you are very sleepy might help. It helps me, sometimes even if I wake up in the middle of the night.

Semele

It's really common for night time to be the time anxiety kicks in- you don't have anything else to keep you busy, you're trying to relax and your mental guard comes down. The longer that goes on for then the more your brain makes an association between going to bed and worrying, so it becomes something of a habit too.

A good sleep routine is useful in cases like this, to break that connection. General advice is:

No caffeine or alcohol close to bedtime
A warm bath is good
Go to bed around the same time every night
Have a period of winding down and hr or so before bed time- no electronic screens, tv, loud music etc.
Dont use your bedroom for anything other than sleeping- you need to associate it with just that. A bedroom with TV, games console, tablet etc is not relaxing.

When you go to bed:
If you're not asleep within 20 minutes of lying down then GET UP. This is the crucial bit. If you lie in bed awake and worrying for hours then you reinforce that. Get up and go into the living room, then do something till you start to feel sleepy, then try again. Don't do anything too stimulating, no TV again etc, or anything that requires too much faffing about as this will wake you up more! Often people find having a jigsaw laid out on the table already is good, because you can just sit down to that and it keeps you busy without requiring too much thought.
If when you go back to bed you still can't sleep, then get up again.

People are often reluctant to do this a few times a night at first, as it can be frustrating, you're tired even if not sleepy, and we all have this fear of being wrecked the next day. However, all you are losing is the time you would have been lying awake, not any valuable sleep! This routine, kept to strictly, is really effective at training you into going to sleep almost as soon as you go to bed. It really does work.

LegacyUser

There's only one thing thats ever stopped that for me, OP. Someone told me about it last year and I wish to god i'd found it sooner.

You count back from 1000 in your head. Suprisingly hard. You have to really concentrate. If my mind wanders I start from 1000 again.

I'm usually asleep by 900, no joke.

Tramps Like Us

Cut out caffeine and drink, exercise some time during the day, preferably morning time. Even if its just a walk.

finix

Had a long walk today and will have a bath later ! Thanks all for the replys.

Cyclepath

Talk to someone about how you feel. If you can afford it, see a counsellor (just make sure they're IACP registered).

I know it's a cliche to say a problem shared is a problem halved, but the act of verbally playing out your hopes, fears, etc can give you new insights and put your mind at rest.

You've take the first step by asking 'why?' so now take the next step. If you can't find or afford a counsellor, try to speak to someone in the same situation as you. There several single parent support groups for example - try www.solo.ie, or http://www.fathers.ie/Counselling

Glinda

A little trick I use when my mind goes racing off is to stop everything else and try to identify five sounds I can hear. It sounds daft but it really pulls you out of the past/future and into the present. You'll always find you can identify two or three sounds fairly quickly (even at night) but the last couple take a bit longer and might even be your heart beating or your own breathing, or even your pillow rustling as you breathe in and out.

I've even done this in a lift when I was on the way to a meeting I was really worried about. Just seems to snap me out of the repeating cycle of fretting. If you get to five sounds then change to five things you can sense by touch, for example the pillow pressing on your ear, your foot resting on the mattress, the cuff of your pyjamas against your wrist etc.

You'll be asleep without even realising it until you wake up!

finix

This sounds totally daft and off the wall so forgive me ! Yesterday, my nose was blocked so I got some Vicks in the chemist. After my bath and changing my bed linen and not drinking alcohol,coffee,tea etc I rubbed a good dollop of Vicks on my chest and shoulders and immediately I was back to childhood as my mother was a demon for Vicks. I was asleep in 10 mins max ! ( I think the smell of a rubber hot water bottle would do the same trick !)
Now that I slept so soundly last night I will probably do the same tonight !
I have done my 3 mile walk already and feel something has lifted if you know what I mean ?

finix

finix wrote: »

This sounds totally daft and off the wall so forgive me ! Yesterday, my nose was blocked so I got some Vicks in the chemist. After my bath and changing my bed linen and not drinking alcohol,coffee,tea etc I rubbed a good dollop of Vicks on my chest and shoulders and immediately I was back to childhood as my mother was a demon for Vicks. I was asleep in 10 mins max ! ( I think the smell of a rubber hot water bottle would do the same trick !)
Now that I slept so soundly last night I will probably do the same tonight !
I have done my 3 mile walk already and feel something has lifted if you know what I mean ?

Once I prep myself for bedtime I have no problems since. Thank you all for your input. Boards is a well of untapped knowledge, Thanks x:)

finix

still good !