My sisters mess

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Just hoping you can give me some advice on how to deal with this.

I am very close to my younger sister. For the past 3 years she has been involved in a relationship where her boyfriend basically treated her like a piece of s**t. He emotionally abused her, borrowed money and never paid it back, cheated on her, etc, etc. Just last year, after much pursuading from me, my family and her friends she did what she should have done a long time ago, and dumped him.

Naturally she was a mess for a while and in this time she leaned heavily on a male friend of hers. This guy is in a long distance relationship for a few years ( he works out of the country for some months at a time. ) Just a few weeks ago my sister has confessed to "seeing him". They are sleeping together, travelling the world any spare time they get to see each other, constantly texting and skyping. My sister thinks it's no harm, as he has told her he doesn't love his girlfriend or even like her, and that he will split up with her as soon as he gets home again. I myself think he is just spinning her a load of crap and is enjoying having his cake and eating it. I want my sis to see what is going on here and that he is using her. She claims they are just amazing friends who are enjoying the benefits. I just think it's all wrong, they are behaving like they are the ones in a relationship. But the crazy thing is, I see how happy he makes her. He treats her so well in comparison to the previous asshole. It's driving me crazy and I'm just looking in from the outside!

Can anyone help me make her see sense here? Or should i just bite my tongue and stay out of it?

Thanks everyone

Tokyo

Your sister's mistakes are hers to make.

You've done your sisterly duty and told her why you are worried about this relationship, but ultimately she's an adult, and thus capable of making up her own mind about this situation, whether you agree with her choices or not. All you can really do is be happy for her if this guy follows through on ditching his long distance girlfriend, or being there for her as her big sister and being a shoulder to cry on if he doesn't. What happens in the interim is her business, not yours.

jellyboy

mike_ie wrote: »

Your sister's mistakes are hers to make.

You've done your and told her why you are worried about this relationship, but ultimately she's an adult, and thus capable of making up her own mind about this situation, whether you agree with her choices or not. All you can really do is be happy for her if this guy follows through on ditching his long distance girlfriend, or being there for her as her big sister and being a shoulder to cry on if he doesn't. What happens in the interim is her business, not yours.

i agree with the above and would add the question

At what point will your sister stop confiding in you ,if you continue to control her life based on the information she confides in you?

Leave her be,I'm sure she's over the age where nobody can ,will,should interfere..

put yourself in her shoes,feel that judgement and control swirl deeply in your body …that should give you your answer..

December2012

Would you be happy with her trying to change your relationships if she didn't agree with what you were doing?

I think that the most you can do is point out that she is, in this case, the bit on the side, and ask her if she feels happy with that.

And no more.

Her mistakes are hers to make, and in comparison to the last ones aren't that bad.

Czarcasm

Nichole888 wrote: »

Can anyone help me make her see sense here? Or should i just bite my tongue and stay out of it?

Thanks everyone

Your concern for your sister is of course understandable OP, but while it's horrible to see it from the outside your sister allowing herself to be used, I think she knows herself it's not right, but the over-riding factor for her is that this guy makes her happy. I imagine it suits her that this guy isn't willing to commit to her as she probably doesn't want to get into anything committed after her last relationship went sour.

I've found from experience that the more you try to reason with someone who is blinded by their own good feelings, the more they'll rally against you and become further entrenched in what they're doing just to spite you. You should just tell her at this point that you really don't want to hear any more about this guy, her relationships are her own business.

In her own time the novelty will wear off and she'll come to her senses, but for now there's not much more you can do.