Threes a crowd

Holyjebus

Hi
I'm feeling really left out of a friendship and hope someone can share some advice.
I'm probably being paranoid but met two lovely friends who were both newly known to each other too and we became close, we all had babies the same time and spent every sat night together.
No bitchiness from either of them or me.
Lately I feel like I'm making all the effort, texting to see how they are, inviting them for nights out. If I don't text them they'll never text me. I let it go a few weeks then text again. They've a lot on, one is going through a marriage breakup and one is newly pregnant.
But I see through Facebook and just general things they say when they do eventually text that they see a lot of each other.
One of them lives in my estate so that really hurts me. I can run around anytime they get together and have a catch up but they don't include me.
I'm sick of making all the effort with them and getting no effort in return.
Any advice on what to do or should I just forget them? We're friends for the past 3 years and it's only been the last while I've felt left out.
Can I also add that I'd try and arrange a play date for our kids so it's not always nights out I try to arrange, or just coffee.

Czarcasm

It sounds to me like you are being excluded OP, but while others might advise you to redouble your efforts or confront them together, or even approach them individually, I would suggest that you're better off to let them go and stop wasting your time, energy and effort chasing after them and making time for them at your own expense.

I don't think approaching them at this point is going to make any difference, they're obviously both aware that you're not part of 'their gang' any more, not even when they don't approach you to invite you for coffee or lunch, etc. There are plenty more social activities you could get involved in with people who appreciate your company, rather than chasing after those who don't.

retro:electro

I had two female friends who pretty much did this exact thing to me. It used to really upset me especially when we would all meet up and they would be talking about something they had recently done together or something that happened them and I'd be left sitting there like ah... ok..

Regardless of how upset it made me I never said it to them, which I regret now that I've moved on with my life. I wish I had been more assertive with them and told them how I felt.
The way I look at it OP is you shouldn't have to force people to be your friend or feel like you're forcing(maybe too strong a word)them to hang out with you.

I wouldn't bother contacting them or arranging anything with them if I were you, that way you will see how long it is exactly until they initiate any kind of contact with you, and therefore you will have a clearer perspective of the situation and where you stand.

December2012

Well my advice is to just accept that they see each other more than you do, but that doesn't mean you are not in a good friendship with each of them.

I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. As you say one is going through a marriage breakup so is hardly going to be instigating nights out, and neither will the other newly pregnant one.

All friendships are not equal and I don't understand why you expect them to be.

redbaron_99

The sad truth is that people change, and friendships don't always last. Get on with your life. If they are truly "friends" they will come looking for you.

Holyjebus

Thanks everyone for replying and sorry I'm only getting back to this now.
Just to update, our babies were all 2 recently and they each had parties and didn't invite my little one but had each other at them!
I've decided to back off now and leave them to it.

Pippy1976

Oh my gosh, that is really sad. I feel bad for you but I think you're better off. It does hurt when this happens but you can't make people hang out with you.

You'll be the better for it at the end of the day because you won't have the worry of what they're doing, you can just be yourself.

Holyjebus wrote: »

Thanks everyone for replying and sorry I'm only getting back to this now.
Just to update, our babies were all 2 recently and they each had parties and didn't invite my little one but had each other at them!
I've decided to back off now and leave them to it.

nursejackie

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. It's really not nice and can raise all sorts of doubts about ourselves when the reality is, it's often not about us!!

I have noticed a theme on threads here where friends disappear and stop making contact etc and the advice is always along the same lines. That is: leave it, don't mention it to them, cause a scene, rock the boat etc. Etc. While each to their own etc. I absolutely disagree with that Irish passive response to facing reality. It's such a cop out. If you feel strongly enough about it say something!! Obviously, am not suggesting an awkward angry confrontation. But just something along the lines of "I have noticed we seem to have drifted" and take it from there. No blaming etc. They may not give you and reasons and if they do you have to be opening to hearing them. If after that they make no effort then move on. They do not have an obligation to be your friend but it's so childish just to cut someone off and leave them wondering.