Did you have a violent childhood?

santana75

I was talking with a friend the other day and I was telling her about the number of fights I was in as a child and the number of violent encounters I was part of or witnessed in general. She was shocked and her reaction was a bit of a realization for me in that I never considered that I had had a violent childhood but when I take a step back from things I see that it was extremely violent. I was in fights all the time, although hand on heart I never started one. I was an easy going kid and never messed with anybody, but where I lived(and it was by no means a bad area) if you ventured beyond your own street and into another part of the estate you were guaranteed somebody would try to kick the **** out of you, just for being on their piece of turf. There were fights over football matches, fights in school, there was gang fights, I saw my bother stabbed, there were fights with travelers. I Remember this guy I knew, for some reason started picking on my younger brother, I confronted him and we got into a fight. It was a fair fight........right up until the moment his older brother pearl harboured me and the two of them beat the **** out of me in the middle of the street. Absolutely nothing was done, no gardai, no parents, it was par for the course, or at least thats how I thought things were done.
Im just wondering, was your childhood violent or was it fairly peaceful and fight free?

itsirishfarmer

you were violent ,probably because you saw violence in the home

santana75

itsirishfarmer wrote: »

you were violent ,probably because you saw violence in the home

I really dont think witnessing a gang fight had anything to do with what went on in my own home. I was taught to defend myself but never to pick a fight with anybody.

newmug

I'm the same as you OP. It only occurred to me recently that maybe I had a violent childhood. Fights were almost a daily thing, definitely weekly. Sometimes you'd win, sometimes you'd be hammered. School bullies were far nastier aswell, they'd do real damage, they were a threat to be taken seriously. And beatings from your parents were commonplace. A slap was nothing, you'd get that for getting an answer wrong on blockbusters!

itsirishfarmer

itsirishfarmer wrote: »

you were violent ,probably because you saw violence in the home

Jesus, that's a bit of a leap. Plenty of people from stable, loving families find themselves drawn to violence. Growing up I'm sure most of us as kids saw or were involved in fights, it's almost a rite of passage in school. I know that I was in some fights yet never witnessed any violence at home, well bar the odd wooden spoon across the backside.

keithsfleet

I grew up in middle class area, most families had two cars which is what I'd consider middle class in the early 90s.

We used to get in turf fights with the neighbouring estates quite a bit. Regularly got beaten quite a bit as there is a fairly large rough council estate only up the road and they'd come down with 20 lads to our remaining 10 of the lads that didn't run off.

No one ever seriously hurt just the usual burst noses or lips and regular Black eyes.

Looking back we actually enjoyed it and saw it as character building, we'd regularly see some of the lads that gave us the hidings and happily talk to them now.

Part and parcel of growing up imo.

edit: just had a flash back.
We sort of had an unspoken rule that if you brought a weapon you could only hit someone on the legs or upper arms.
I remember getting a clatter of a hurl across the lower back and almost immediately got an apology and a smoke off him.
Once we'd finished having our smoke and our conversation about what school we were in and who we both knew we went straight back to punching lumps out of each other.

kellaman123

Getting seven bells kicked out of you by a lad twice your size at school, getting the leather strap from the Christian Brothers for fighting while at school even though you didn't start it and getting the belt from your dad when you got home for getting in trouble at school, yeah it was fairly violent alright lol!

santana75

newmug wrote: »

I'm the same as you OP. It only occurred to me recently that maybe I had a violent childhood. Fights were almost a daily thing, definitely weekly. Sometimes you'd win, sometimes you'd be hammered. School bullies were far nastier aswell, they'd do real damage, they were a threat to be taken seriously. And beatings from your parents were commonplace. A slap was nothing, you'd get that for getting an answer wrong on blockbusters!

For sure. On of my earliest memories is of waiting to go out for small break in school, standing at the window and seeing two guys jump on my older brother and start to lay into him. I just burst out the door before the teacher could open it and started swinging wildly at the two blokes. I got them off my brother and then it was two against two in the middle of the playground. Cant remember the outcome really, only that a teacher broke it up eventually. But stuff liked this happened all the time and it wasnt handbags at dawn, some of it was pretty nasty and ended with somebody in hospital.

entropi

itsirishfarmer wrote: »

you were violent ,probably because you saw violence in the home

I saw violence in not only my home, but others too, yet I rarely got into fights when growing up. Also: I grew up in a pretty rough place where there were fights amongst many age groups every week, a visible Gardaí presence...yet I turned out just fine...how is that?

That assumption makes no sense and falls flat right there.

Referring to the original post: personally, I was not in a lot of fights, home life wasn't all smiles and happiness either but it didn't really affect me in the long run.

newmug

My home life was violent, but not between my parents. They got on just fine. The violence was at me and my brother, it was just routine. If you didn't get up on time, you'd get it off your mother. If you did anything but eat your breakfast, eg. if you talked to your siblings, asked for more corn flakes etc., you got a clout on the head. That was the least form of punishment. Then the aul fella would come in with a few empty buckets for you to go and bring water to the cattle. No matter how fast you did it, it was never fast enough, you'd be called a lazy baxtard and maybe get another clout to the head.


You'd be beat into the car, driven the few miles to school, beat out of the car, more discreetly of course, and then you'd have the schoolyard bullies to contend with until school started. Sometimes they'd just beat you up for the practice, other times it was a long running fued over something nobody remembered. A bully once tried to bully me eventhough he was on crutches! I pulled his crutches off him and broke one of those wooden rulers across his ear, then proceeded to kick the sh1te out of his broken leg as hard as I could.


Siblings were always targeted, and it was meeeeeeeean stuff. Older lads would befriend them just to get a way to come over to your house. The horror when you'd get home and your worst enemy would be sitting at your kitchen table! All the protesting in the world wouldn't convince your parents, who'd just pin you to the wall by your collar and tell you to shut up through gritted teeth. Then the bully would set fire to your toys and say it was your fault, put tin foil on all your fuses, put rat poison everywhere and tell your younger, befriended sibling, to eat it, and worst of all, try to get your aul fellas gun. Inevitably it would end up in a standoff a few days later, where you'd meet face to face in the bog on your bikes. You'd bring a hurley, they'd bring a knife.


But back to the parents, beat into the car after school, beat out of it again, beaten if you opened your mouth during dinner, beaten if you failed a test, beaten if you got too noisy, beaten if you didn't comply in some way with what you were being told to do. My fathers saying was always "these young ones are too well fed". The beatings ranged from an open-handed clout to the head or face, up to being belted full force ala Goodfellas, and everything in between. I remember once getting 40 shades of sh1te beaten out of me for paring both ends of my pencil. I was in second class. The logic behind that was that it was too rebellious to do such a thing, and that it was wasting money.

The amount of times me and my brother were going to run away. Kids running away seemed more common that time, and often, if the kids were 12-ish, the parents would just leave them to make their way in the world! And this was the 80's, by no means was it Angelas Ashes type stuff.

Again though, none of this affected me. Everybody's families behaved like that. It was just the norm. And there was no such thing as depression, or teen angst. You either got on with life, or you got a beating. That was it.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BSIR5FbayA

pwurple

newmug wrote: »

Again though, none of this affected me. Everybody's families behaved like that. It was just the norm.

It affected your mindset it looks like. Every family did not behave like that in the 80's. Mine didn't. It was not the norm for us.

newmug

pwurple wrote: »

It affected your mindset it looks like. Every family did not behave like that in the 80's. Mine didn't. It was not the norm for us.

Well everyone around here did. And what I mean by "didn't affect me" is, I didn't turn out to be a scumbag.

santana75

pwurple wrote: »

It affected your mindset it looks like. Every family did not behave like that in the 80's. Mine didn't. It was not the norm for us.

This is why I asked the the question in the original post, to get an idea of what went on for people and to see if it was the same right across the board. Obviously there was a fair bit of violence in peoples childhoods, but then again some people had a different more peaceful growing up. I'd be interested to hear about that. My own family was a bit of a mess and I took this as normal, I assumed it was the same for everybody. But years later I had experience of a freinds family and it was unreal, the love and togetherness and care they had for each other was so apparent, I thought families like that only existed in the movies. And it wasnt just a facade they projected to the outside world, it was genuine. I guess my point is about taking what we experience as normal when its our only experience.

astonaidan

Christ I had such a tame childhood, like in our national school we all got along great, then secondary school there was a little bit off bullying but that was always stopped by older students, like all 6th years made sure it was a good time.
I can actually count on one hand the amount off times Ive been in a fight, one off those times were started when a city kid was fostered out our way and I ended up breaking one off the lads who was with him nose, but we are great friends now. Other time was pushing a guy against a wall for trying to start on my friend
Cleary Im not as hard as I thought

santana75

astonaidan wrote: »

Christ I had such a tame childhood, like in our national school we all got along great, then secondary school there was a little bit off bullying but that was always stopped by older students, like all 6th years made sure it was a good time.
I can actually count on one hand the amount off times Ive been in a fight, one off those times were started when a city kid was fostered out our way and I ended up breaking one off the lads who was with him nose, but we are great friends now. Other time was pushing a guy against a wall for trying to start on my friend
Cleary Im not as hard as I thought

No not at all, its not about hard or tough. Your story is interesting in that compared to the childhood I had myself it seemed fairly civilised and wasnt characterised by constant violence. But for so long I thought my childhood was normal and I thought every other kid had the same experiences. But its only by hearing other peoples stories that you realise what you experienced wasnt the norm. Like I said the area I grew up in wouldnt have been the worst, there were far scarier places that we just didnt even dare to go. I'd be interested to hear about lads who came from those places, really rough areas to see what their take on their own childhood would be.

thecatspjs

Never been in a fight. I've got a dig a couple of times but both times I was on my own and there was a crowd of them so I legged it. Another time a talked my way out of it as the two guys were bigger/older than me and my mate. I have no idea if I'd be any good in fight but I'd happily go through my life without ever finding out honestly. I guess I've been lucky in the sense that I've never had to fight anyone, but I also don't think I would enjoy it anyway the way some people seem to (not people in this thread, I just mean in general).

Also Starring LeVar Burton

I've never been in a fight myself - I remember having to run for my life a couple of times as a kid, and then somewhere in my teens learned how to talk my way out of situations.
If anything I feel like I've missed out on something, as I'm unsure as to whether I'd be able to handle myself I ever did find myself in a situation that requires fisticuffs.

santana75

Also Starring LeVar Burton wrote: »

I've never been in a fight myself - I remember having to run for my life a couple of times as a kid, and then somewhere in my teens learned how to talk my way out of situations.
If anything I feel like I've missed out on something, as I'm unsure as to whether I'd be able to handle myself I ever did find myself in a situation that requires fisticuffs.

I think the best thing to do in your situation would be to take up one of the martial arts(Thai boxing is very practical). Theres lots of sparring and competitions so you'd get used to being in a fight type situation, which is the most important thing. People who arent used to fighting tend to freeze dead on the spot when they're hit and freezing is the worst possible thing that could happen.. But if you're used to being hit you wont freeze, it'll be nothing new to you. I think aswell when you know how to handle yourself you give off a vibe that acts as a deterrent and nobody will mess with you anyway.

ongarboy

Apart from a bit of pushing and shoving onto the ground in the local green with a neighbour or two and a few bruises, never any real fist fights or blood. I can't say I was ever in an actual fight (apart from with my siblings and they were never really that carried away either). Yes, some corp punishment at home too but while it affected me (more mentally than physically) it didn't happen all the time so I wouldn't consider that as being a violent upbringing.

I think Newmug's experiences of constant scraps/fights/beating up - while obviously real for him and what he witnessed in his surroundings, I really don't think it would have be the norm everywhere and I also grew up in an urban working class street in the 80s.

6541

I have often thought about writing a book about my youth, there were fights, joyriding, getting one over on drug dealers as in beating them up taking drugs and cash, Robbing houses, shops, cars, there was brief flirting with the IRA.

The IRA actually told me that my house was about to get raided, low and behold one day later the Gardaí were at my door.

I got exiled to the UK for antisocial behavior at the age of 15, through mediation I was allowed to return.

We were extremely violent thugs. Today I like to think that I am a well adjusted Adult. I have massive morals and am ashamed of a lot of the stuff I did. I now try to give back to society. I believe in doing the right thing. I now have a degree and a mid to high level paying Job.
Someday I should write that book!!

Sleepy

I would have had a few scraps with neighbouring kids and the wooden spoon was certainly feared in our house though neither would have been regular occurrences. My first and second year of primary school in Bray had some fairly heavy bullying (5/6 lads piling onto one victim) but once you landed a decent punch on the ringleader you tended to get left alone afterwards. Once I moved to Galway I'd say I could count on one hand the number of proper scraps I was involved in.

I certainly wouldn't consider it a "violent" childhood and would almost wonder if my own step-son is actually missing out on a normal part of childhood in that there are only girls of his age on our road so he doesn't have any male friends outside of school to have the odd dust up with. It's certainly observable in pub/club altercations that men tend to be more restrained when it comes to use of violence (guys are more likely to stick to fists whereas women are more prone to escalate to using a glass/bottle as a weapon). I've heard it attributed to developing an appreciation for the repercussions of violence during a childhood where lads having a punch-ups with someone then going back to being best of friends the next day is fairly normal behaviour.

thecatspjs

santana75 wrote: »

I think the best thing to do in your situation would be to take up one of the martial arts(Thai boxing is very practical). Theres lots of sparring and competitions so you'd get used to being in a fight type situation, which is the most important thing. People who arent used to fighting tend to freeze dead on the spot when they're hit and freezing is the worst possible thing that could happen.. But if you're used to being hit you wont freeze, it'll be nothing new to you. I think aswell when you know how to handle yourself you give off a vibe that acts as a deterrent and nobody will mess with you anyway.

Meh. I hardly think that's the best thing to do in my situation. It's not as if anyone ever picks on me. The examples I mentioned were 10+ years ago when I was a teenager. I'm not a small/timid guy and I've never had any real hassle.

santana75

6541 wrote: »

I have often thought about writing a book about my youth, there were fights, joyriding, getting one over on drug dealers as in beating them up taking drugs and cash, Robbing houses, shops, cars, there was brief flirting with the IRA.

The IRA actually told me that my house was about to get raided, low and behold one day later the Gardaí were at my door.

I got exiled to the UK for antisocial behavior at the age of 15, through mediation I was allowed to return.

We were extremely violent thugs. Today I like to think that I am a well adjusted Adult. I have massive morals and am ashamed of a lot of the stuff I did. I now try to give back to society. I believe in doing the right thing. I now have a degree and a mid to high level paying Job.
Someday I should write that book!!

That is a great story alright. I knew one guy who has a similar life story. To look at him today, wife, kids, good job, respected in the community, you just wouldnt have thought he'd have the past he has.

sarge marcus

My dad was very violent man but it was on occasions when I was doing my home work or not doing what I was told, I was a good kid you never know I was in the house but my dad was explosive anger in him and he just bash us, one time he got my brothers head and pounced it off mine, I was bleeding for 20mins, I was so scared, I seam to be going that why my self I don't like frighten I ran from bullies all my life I won't say I was in a fight as I never hit any one back now I get angry all the time

Galwayguy35

Thankfully no I hadn't, myself and the brother used to scrap when we were kids but there was only one time when we were adults that it nearly came to blows, I came home drunk and he was annoyed about it and kicked me really hard.

I was going to hit him but didn't and am glad because it could have ended badly.

Femme_Fatale

newmug wrote: »

Everybody's families behaved like that. It was just the norm.

Um... no they didn't. And no it wasn't. Christ.

NordieSteve

Yup, violent household. My stepdad beat my ma regularly, putting her in hospital on occasion. When I reached about 10 or 11 the focus was on me. He psychologically and physically beat me down for the majority of my child/teens.

I've had a pretty ****ed up life so far and I'm only 27, I have problems socially an have severe depression and anxiety.

Getting better is a long and arduous journey but to anyone I say stick with it.