Get tired of girls easily

LegacyUser

Hey,

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this issue or find that its a regular occurence?

I find myself breaking it off with girls after 2/3 months of seeing each other as I begin to get bored and want my own space to do things. I find that at this stage of a relationship the girl is very much still into it but I find myself distracted by other interests, friends and other girls which I would like a chance to ask out. This happens repeatedly with girls I go out with. And the thing is it is not because the girl I asked out in the first place did not attract me or interest me. On the contrary, for instance the girl Im currently seeing is so beautiful, it took me a long time to actually ask her out as I was intimidated by her. For the first few weeks I was in awe of her and the sex and everything with it was amazing. But yet again I find myself bored and wanting to do my own thing. I wanted to do everything with this girl a few weeks ago, now I just want to do other things with mates etc.

The only relationship this did not happen with was my first one, which lasted a year and a half before I broke it off. Since that Ive been in 6 relationships which lasted a few months before I broke them off because of the same problem. In every instance I was so attracted to the girl intitially etc.

Do any of you guys find this problem? Its so annoying, I hate breaking up, I just want something which is sustainable you know? I find every other girl becomes immediately more attractive once I date a girl for quite a while. I dont mean to sound crude, but I genuinely want to know if this is a common problem, and how to avoid it. I seem to jump in to things too fast, but realise a few months down the line I want another person.

Thanks!

Tokyo

Sounds like you are in a place where you like the thrill of the chase, more than the actual relationship itself. The girl seems like the centre of the universe when you are trying to get her to be involved with you, but he polish wears off pretty quickly once you have her, and you just want to go back to doing your own thing again, hanging out with the guys, etc.

There's nothing necessarily wrong with not being in a place in your life where you want to focus on romance. However it is very unfair on the girls involved if you are enticing hem into a relationship to fulfill your needs, only to ditch them a couple of months down the line to start all over again with a new girl. You are effectively hurting people for your own gratification.

If you *are* looking for something sustainable as you say, now might be a good time to step back from the getting-the-pretty-girl-into-bed mode, and focusing on friendships for now, with the possibility of something developing later on. I can only speak from my own experience, but when the initial physical appeal and the thrill of the chase has worn off, what is left are the bonds of friendship that you established in the early stages, shared experiences and companionship. This is what long term relationships are about. So rather than jumping into bed with a girl, try to find one that you would like to spend non-sexual quality time with her as well as just nights in bed. Develop shared interests, find places you like to visit together, talk and go out together. You'll know you're on the right track when you're happy just to be around her, regardless of whether she's going to come home with you that night or not.

Grandpa Hassan

I don't agree that Mike is necessarily right that you're not actually looking for a relationship. I have always had the same issue....I like my own space. I don't want to go out every Friday and Saturday night....or have to see my gf every time we're not doing anything. I sometimes want to head away for a weekend on my own...not with a girl in tow every time. The pressure to do that in the first few months is a relationship killer for me...and I just start finding the girl boring. I find spending all my time with other people drives me nuts.

My gf, who I've been with seriously now for over 3 years, thinks the same. She likes her own space, so the relationship is perfect. You will eventually find the girl who thinks like you. But that is not the norm, so you're probably going to have a good few short relationships until you do.

LegacyUser

But I am not 'luring' a girl into a relationship, I honestly am so into it at the start, and so thrilled. But it fades, and I just am attracted to other girls after awhile. I genuinely do not try to hurt feelings or create this situation purposely only to end it. I really am frustrated, because sometimes there is a spark but that fades too for me.

I dont know about the whole friends with a girl thing, it sounds like a long haul thing to become a friend with someone your attracted to firstly, not something I could do. I think that is not great either because if your friends with a person for a while and then ask them out, and if they happened to say no or you broke up with them after awhile then you guys wouldnt be even friends anymore.

Im 24, and this short term relationship thing is annoying, I just feel as if there is something wrong, every single one Ive ended within a couple months besides the first. I guess maybe its not a bad thing, but I get tired of the one night stands with girls and am trying to pursue something more meaningful.

LegacyUser

I'm the exact same as you, totally into the relationship at the beginning and then after a few months it wanes as I want my own space. I get fed up of being around someone all the time and the feelings I once had for the person just aren't there anymore so I dump them. I have only ever managed to be in a relationship happily for about 6/7 months until I end up feeling kinda suffocated by the whole thing and I have to escape. I've always wondered if I was the only one that this happened to time after time after time.
I don't really have any advice for you except to just let you know that you're not alone. I'm female and 31 by the way so I don't think its an age thing..as in only happens to younger (under 25) people.

Daisy78

Op I think what the previous poster meant was that perhaps you should be looking for more than just physical attraction with these girls. In order to sustain a relationship long term you need a physical, emotional and intellectual connection with a partner. Like the previous poster mentioned more often than not the physical attraction diminishes over time but if there is a strong emotional connection there you will want to spend time with the regardless. I might be wrong but it sounds like you have a strong initial physical attraction to these women but you haven't sussed out if there anything deeper there that would make it last the course. The guys ive been attracted to always had something beyond the physical to intrigue me, to make me want to know them better, to spend time with them. I think the best advice is to ask yourself when you meet a girl is would I happily spend time in her company even if the sexual side wasnt on the cards. If the answer is yes and there is some physical attraction there too then you are off to a good start. If not and your basing your choice purely on the physical aspect alone then you will keep experiencing the problems you have been to date.

ManOfMystery

Perhaps it's simply a case that you're at a stage of life when you're perfectly comfortable and happy in your own company, so maybe a friends with benefits situation would be more suitable than treating every new girl as a potential long term relationship. Going into those situations with that mindset may make you feel claustrophobic after a few months, for want of a better word.

Mr. Incognito

I'm a 31 yo male and had the same problems when I was younger.

Would have been shy as a teenager but when I went to college I got some confidence and started going out with some wonderful girls but would get bored easily and move on.

I think you need to be honest with yourself and realise what these girls are to you, they are ego boosts. You think to yourself "wow" that girls is so out of my league, but you ask them out, turn on the charm and get to know them and discover she isn't that sophisticated goddess you had built up in your mind. She is human, and insecure, and leaves the towel on the floor and doesn't clean up after herself and sometimes is clueless and suddenly every other girl out there is starting to look better and THEY can be the ego boost you need.

I did that for ten years. I also realised that it wasn't the girls that had the problem, I did. I dated girls that my mates were in awe of but to me they were boring because I had them and I was just looking for something else.

I think when you come to the realisation that this is destructive, and it is, both self destructive and to other people, and your reputation, and the poor girls at the end of it. You are waiting for "the one" to come along that will make all your fears and worries go away.

Well, let me break it to you.Walt Disney lied to you. It doesn't exist. Dating follows a pattern. It is all romance and sex and fireworks at the start, for three months or so. Then it wanes and you become friends, then companions, and you can go through phases of passion at times but mostly you get what you give. That's the secret. If you GIVE to another person, it makes you feel whole, and worth something and fills that void that you are trying to fill by mindlessly humping whatever comes your way. Love isn't about what the other person does for you, but what you do for them. We have all been taught from movies that Love is that person that makes sacrifices for you. Bollox. Love is the person that you make sacrifices for. That you mind when they are sick. That you put before yourself consistently. That you want to get up at stupid o clock to make lunch for or collect from an airport or do anything that puts their needs and wants over yours.

I started dating a girl who was originally from Latvia over a year ago. I try and be utterly unselfish with her, and you know what, if someone loves you too they don't walk all over this. They reciprocate. I wish I had discovered this years ago. I adore her and every little sacrifice I make I get back 1,000 times over. She is human and insecure and I am the one that leaves the towels on the floor and you find, that those things become the idiosyncrasies that you come to love about the other person.

I find myself bored and wanting to do my own thing. I wanted to do everything with this girl a few weeks ago, now I just want to do other things with mates etc.

Try putting the other persons wants first. You'll be amazed at the difference.

Emme

IsThisACommonExperience? wrote: »

Hey,

I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this issue or find that its a regular occurence?

I find myself breaking it off with girls after 2/3 months of seeing each other as I begin to get bored and want my own space to do things. I find that at this stage of a relationship the girl is very much still into it but I find myself distracted by other interests, friends and other girls which I would like a chance to ask out. This happens repeatedly with girls I go out with. And the thing is it is not because the girl I asked out in the first place did not attract me or interest me. On the contrary, for instance the girl Im currently seeing is so beautiful, it took me a long time to actually ask her out as I was intimidated by her. For the first few weeks I was in awe of her and the sex and everything with it was amazing. But yet again I find myself bored and wanting to do my own thing. I wanted to do everything with this girl a few weeks ago, now I just want to do other things with mates etc.

The only relationship this did not happen with was my first one, which lasted a year and a half before I broke it off. Since that Ive been in 6 relationships which lasted a few months before I broke them off because of the same problem. In every instance I was so attracted to the girl intitially etc.

Do any of you guys find this problem? Its so annoying, I hate breaking up, I just want something which is sustainable you know? I find every other girl becomes immediately more attractive once I date a girl for quite a while. I dont mean to sound crude, but I genuinely want to know if this is a common problem, and how to avoid it. I seem to jump in to things too fast, but realise a few months down the line I want another person.

Thanks!

Aren't you lucky you can find girls so easily to date and dump!

I got hurt by several guys like you when I was younger. I don't know if you have ever been on the receiving end of your treatment but it isn't nice.

My advice - when you start dating the girl tell her that your previous relationships haven't lasted any more than 3 months and that you don't want to get too serious. Try to get to know girls over a period of time as friends and don't rush into dating straight away.