What Should I Do?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one.

Just to give some background, I'm a 22 year old female and I suffer from anxiety. Was in a bad place for a few years but started counselling a few months ago and am really feeling the benefits.

Because of everything I've been through, I've never been in a relationship. The idea of being intimate with someone, having them see me as I really am has always terrified me.

A guy I'm friendly with asked me out on a date and I've no idea what to do. He is lovely and I do really like him. But him asking me on one night out has just sent me into a panic. I didn't sleep last night and had two panic attacks early this morning. As I write this, I'm still feeling shook up from the attacks and getting through today will be a huge struggle. I had actually forgotten what it's like to feel this way.

Sorry for ranting, I'll try and sum this up. I need to let him know tomorrow so I guess I'm wondering what's the best thing to do? My biggest fear is having a panic attack in front of him and just falling apart. I know it's just one date but I'm honestly feeling overwhelmed. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd really appreciate some advice. Thanks for reading.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

first let me say that I'm glad that your counseling sessions are providing you with the help that you need.

Regarding your date, I know that it's easy for me to say, but there really isn't a lot to worry about. You seem overwhelmed by the whole "date" thing and what may come of it, but really for now it's two friends having a drink or a bite to eat together, nothing more. And that's the best way to look at it, anxiety or no anxiety. And if he's a nice guy he'll be happy to take things as slow as you want too.

OF course only you knows yourself best, and if you truly don't feel up for it then don't push yourself into it. But if you are interested in meeting this person then consider taking the chance. And seeing as you are already attending counseling sessions, is there any chance that you can arrange an extra session today or tomorrow to talk through your anxieties with them??

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks mike for the really good advice.

No chance of counselling sessions straight away. My last appointment was last week and I was doing really well so my next appointment is at the end of the month. What's bothering me is I don't want to miss out on what could be a really nice night out, I think I'd regret it. I'm in a mess right now and I don't want him to see me in a bad way, I just don't know what to say to him

Merkin

Reallyneedadvice wrote: »

Because of everything I've been through, I've never been in a relationship. The idea of being intimate with someone, having them see me as I really am has always terrified me.

Not to appear terse OP, but it is a date. That's all. A guy you are on friendly terms with who is attracted to you (yay!) has asked you to hang out with him. He hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend and he hasn't propositioned you for sex so thankfully you don't have to fear anything too intense or anything that will make you really uncomfortable so it is important to view it in those terms.

I would tell him that you do want to go on the date with him but maybe YOU suggest the activity so you will have some control over the situation. Maybe go to a venue you are comfortable or happy in which should ease your anxiety somewhat so you know what to expect? How would you feel about going to see a comedy at the cinema? It would hopefully help relax you and then you've something fun to talk about afterwards! Or maybe meet in your favourite pub where you know where the loos are and where you feel at ease? I think you choosing the activity will help until you get to feel more relaxed around him.

Also, could you maybe invoke some techniques you may have picked up in counselling to help alleviate some of the anxiety? Or could you put a quick call through to your counsellor today maybe?

Finally, he sounds lovely There's nothing nicer than being asked out by someone you fancy! Don't let your anxiety step in the way of something you really deserve xx

P. Breathnach

You already know this guy as a friend. So I presume he has some idea of what you are like. So he may well understand that you are prone to anxiety, or see you as a bit of a worrier or scaredy-cat. It hasn't put him off wanting to spend some time 1:1 with you.

Put some trust in him.

Tokyo

OPreallyneedadvice wrote: »

I don't want to miss out on what could be a really nice night out, I think I'd regret it.

You've answered your own question then Treat it as exactly that - a really nice night out - and there isn't much that can go wrong. As others have pointed out, the guy wants to spend time with you for who you are, so just be yourself.

LegacyUser

OP again, just want to say a quick thank you for all the advice, it really did help me get myself together. It is so easy to get caught up in the fear that comes with panic attacks. But I'm going to do my very best to ignore the fear and just have a nice, relaxed night out. Thanks everyone

Merkin

Aww that's great! Hope you have a fabulous time!