Lonely in college

edelg

So I'm in my first year of college in a very big course and haven't made any proper friends. There are people I know and talk to and all but they don't invite me places unless I ask. Also they never text me, I always text them. I realised that if I don't try to see socialise with them, they don't bother with me. From one end of the day to the other I might not talk to anyone unless I make an effort to visit other houses in my accommodation as I don't get on with my housemates. A morbid thought occurred to me recently, if I was to take a heart attack in my sleep and die, nobody would notice until my mother would become suspicious that I wasn't answering my phone. Genuinely if I just stay in my room for the week not one person would notice my absence.
I just want to know how do I get to that stage with people where they actually text u and not only invite u places but organise plans with you as part of their group.

Tokyo

Hey OP,

you posted a similar thread on this a while back and received some very good advice from what I can see - did you take any of it on board??

As mentioned in the earlier thread, seeing as you are in college, there is a myriad of clubs and societies to choose from there. Sitting in your room moping, and hypothesizing that if you died nobody would notice is profoundly unhealthy attitude to take, particularly when it's so easy for you to change that. Joining a club or society that supports a sport or cause that you are interested in is a great way to meet like minded people - indeed, I'm still friends with people I met in college clubs 16 years ago!!

edelg

Hi! Yeah the advice was very good about meeting new people which I have but I'm struggling to take it from knowing people to actually being proper friends!

LegacyUser

yes it can be very difficult in college, could u not ask the accommodation office for a transfer? Explain to them that you are lonely because it is a very human thing which is making u vulnerable and affecting your education. Anyone in the relevant department with half a heart would help you out, but you have to tell them exactly how it is, I think. After all, the college is there to support its students, its part of their job.

Tokyo

edelg wrote: »

Hi! Yeah the advice was very good about meeting new people which I have but I'm struggling to take it from knowing people to actually being proper friends!

So have you actually joined any college clubs or societies? And have you met people through them? My experience of college clubs and societies is that they provided weekly activities, nights out, weekends away, etc, which doesn't seem to fit in with your picture of not talking to anyone from one end of the day to the other.

You have to take a certain amount of initiative with this - friends aren't just going to fall into your lap if you sit in your room all day worrying about not having friends, and the student accommodation office isn't going to move you simply because you feel that your housemates aren't friendly enough towards you...

chinacup

edelg wrote: »

So I'm in my first year of college in a very big course and haven't made any proper friends. There are people I know and talk to and all but they don't invite me places unless I ask. Also they never text me, I always text them. I realised that if I don't try to see socialise with them, they don't bother with me. From one end of the day to the other I might not talk to anyone unless I make an effort to visit other houses in my accommodation as I don't get on with my housemates. A morbid thought occurred to me recently, if I was to take a heart attack in my sleep and die, nobody would notice until my mother would become suspicious that I wasn't answering my phone. Genuinely if I just stay in my room for the week not one person would notice my absence.
I just want to know how do I get to that stage with people where they actually text u and not only invite u places but organise plans with you as part of their group.

Edelg I typed a really long response to your post but I don't see it here, I have a feeling I deleted it accidentally! Anyways here goes again..
Sorry to hear your struggling it can't be easy for you at the moment. Can I ask what do you think the root of the problem is? Is it self esteem, motivation, mood related? Or just general experience needed in social situations? I think the most important part is figuring out the root and setting goals from there. So with not a lot to go on and not knowing you personally its up to you to figure out why its not working and then make a plan.

The only other advice I would offer you is try to socialise outside of college, look up workshops, do a pottery class or even go to an anxiety meet up if thats more relevant. Doing something outside of where the problem is based will help you get perspective. I doubt its as simple as you failing to take initiave though, given that you took the time to write this post proves the opposite. So keep trying you'll get there!