Infatuation, cant take rejection or the one that got away?

LegacyUser

I am always thinking about a girl I went out on a few dates with 8 years ago. I have been in a 2 year relationship sense, but ended it as we didn't have the same plans for life, she wasn't ready to settle down ect. This other girl from years ago has always been at the back of my mind. She decided she didn't want to date me, so perhaps its the rejection that I cant get over. She said I wasn't good enough for her, even though she was the one who initially pursued me. I read somewhere that if you meet someone and don't think much of them initially, but then end up liking them, you fall for them more than if u liked them from the start. Perhaps its the fact that its unexpected and the attraction sneaks up on you.

Anyway I think of her most days, is this normal? Even a friend of mine who I was telling about her commented in how my tone of voice is so much happier when I'm talking about her. I haven't seen her in years but a friend of a friend knows her, so I know she is living in Ireland and as far as I know single.

Perhaps its the rejection of being told your not good enough for someone is what gets me.

Anyway, ide like to know have others had similar experiences?

Is there such a thing as the one that got away?

Tokyo

In your own words OP, this is "a girl [you] went out on a few dates with 8 years ago", who ultimately was not interested in having a relationship with you, and told you so at the time. In not too respectful a way either, if what you say is true. And you are still hung up on the "what could have been" with this girl almost a decade later.

The tone of your post would indicate that you are looking to your friends, and to us, to tell you that you should track this girl down and tell her how you feel. But she's not the one who got away, because other than a few dates she was never really there in the first place. You never really knew her, and chances are she has for the most part forgotten about you.

But the fact that you are thinking about her almost every day isn't healthy, it's approaching infatuation if I'm to be honest. You sound completely fixated on this person and the fact that you have a 'friend' who knows her and you already know her relationship status etc is concerning. I think that you really need to let this go, before this infatuation becomes dangerous. I know that is easier said than done, but the first part is admitting to yourself that it is part of your past, and the second part is finding something else that demands on your full attention. Rather than fixating on this girl daily, invest yourself in sports, or a new activity that allows you to meet new people instead. The fantasy you're living out in your head is not real - reality is more work, but worth it.

Sleepless and Manic

I'm a romantic so I'd say go for it and contact her.

Eight years is a long time and people change.

Eeden

Sleepless and Manic wrote: »

I'm a romantic so I'd say go for it and contact her.

Eight years is a long time and people change.

If I were to be contacted by someone who I'd gone on a few dates with eight years ago, I might be initially flattered; but if I heard that he had thought of me "most days" since then, I think I'd be seriously creeped out.

Merkin

I had a fling with a guy about fifteen years ago when in Uni and there was SERIOUS chemistry between the two of us. I'm talking SIZZLE! We used to hang out and got on really well and were good pals too and between one thing and another (and a misunderstanding) we lost touch. Roll on twelve years later and we got back in touch - he said he never forgot me and always viewed me as the one that got away. I thought of him often in those intervening years. We're now married with a baby Merkin on the way and if I was to live a thousand lives he is my one, great and true love. I'm blessed that second chances exist.

If you haven't forgotten her then look her up - you have absolutely nothing to lose, trust me.

CaraMay

Can you find her on Facebook?

ibarelycare

I'd usually say go for it, but your feelings for this girl do sound a little obsessive and intense. No offence, but she probably hasn't given you a passing thought in years, and the fact that you still discuss her with your friends is odd. I really think you should put your energy into meeting someone new and not focus on a brief fling that never materialised into anything more than a few dates.

macplato

Merkin wrote: »

I had a fling with a guy about fifteen years ago when in Uni and there was SERIOUS chemistry between the two of us. I'm talking SIZZLE! We used to hang out and got on really well and were good pals too and between one thing and another (and a misunderstanding) we lost touch. Roll on twelve years later and we got back in touch - he said he never forgot me and always viewed me as the one that got away. I thought of him often in those intervening years. We're now married with a baby Merkin on the way and if I was to live a thousand lives he is my one, great and true love. I'm blessed that second chances exist.

If you haven't forgotten her then look her up - you have absolutely nothing to lose, trust me.

Wow, that's a great story! It's gonna make us all dig out our old flames

I would agree that the OP had nothing to lose by contacting her, if the breakup looked differently. Telling someone "you are not good enough for me" is incredibly unkind and arrogant, and in my book, these are not qualities worth pursuing. Sure, some people change, but we all know how rarely this happens.

OP, you seem to be stuck on this girl - actually, you seem to be stuck on the image of this girl that only exists in your mind. After a few dates you barely knew her, and all those years of fantasising and whatifing made her up to be something she most definitely isn't. You are infatuated with an idea - not with a real person.

Perhaps it would be good for you to get in touch with her, and once again hear her say that you are not good enough for her, so you can finally move on. My advice - try your best to figure out what you are getting from being stuck on somebody who was quite cruel to you. Once you work this out, letting go of the past will be a breeze.

Stavro Mueller

I don't see any harm in looking her up and seeing what happens from there. I'd not go down the road of telling her about how you think of her so often though.

Having said that, I wonder have you put her on a pedestal? After all, you only went out on a few dates with her 8 years ago - there's plenty of scope there for filling in the blanks and turning her into someone she isn't. Tread carefully.

Sleepless and Manic

cymbaline wrote: »

I don't see any harm in looking her up and seeing what happens from there. I'd not go down the road of telling her about how you think of her so often though.

Having said that, I wonder have you put her on a pedestal? After all, you only went out on a few dates with her 8 years ago - there's plenty of scope there for filling in the blanks and turning her into someone she isn't. Tread carefully.

Agreed.

And you'd have to be ready for the fact that contact could also mean the definitive End to this if she's still negative.

CaraMay

Sorry I just saw that she said you weren't good enough for her. Why t f would you go after her when she said domething as nasty as that to you. It would indicate to me that she has serious issues.

Avoid, avoid, avoid!!!!

On top of that I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. You just be incredibly arrogant to think someone else isn't 'good enough' for you.