Always Fancying Somebody Much Older

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm 19 and I know people always say "you've plenty of time for relationships," but this is still frustrating me, no matter how much time I may have.

I never seem to fancy somebody my own age and it's really beginning to annoy me. Because of this, I've never had a boyfriend. The only guys I've seemed to like that are my age are actors or popstars - so basically just the normal fantasy crushes! Well, besides one guy two years older that me that I met last year at a friends debs (we were both the dates), who had a girlfriend at the time anyway.

Over the past few years I've fancied a multiple of older men, with most crushes developing due to our friendships. When I was 17 I liked my friend who was 24 at the time, last year I liked a 29 year old, a 26 year old (who is still a good friend) and a 31 year old (who I lost contact with from life changing), and for the past two years I've also had one of those soft-spot types of crushes (you know when you fancy somebody but not enough to think of acting on it because they're a great friend?) on a man who's 31 this month. This week I even met a man (who is 33) through some friends, and we definitely had a lot of chemistry going on. He said it himself that the age difference sucks because it just wouldn't work (and I completely agree).

I don't want to go out with somebody so much older than me (especially as my first relationship) but I can't help but be attracted to older guys. I was hoping that this would maybe change when I got to college with the guys being maturer, but even now they just wouldn't do it for me. Every guy who is older than me that I've been attracted to has either been very sweet, charming and flirty with me while someway interesting or intellectual (of course from this sweet talk, feelings developed) or just very interesting and bright in general, which I find very attractive.

I like men who I can engage with in a great conversation, who will expand my mind and visa versa. I want someone who has passion for something (for example, one of the men I had a crush on is passionate about helping those really struggling in the third world, and is the charity's ambassador). I can't seem to find that in people my age.

Has anybody ever been in this situation or have you got any advice? Even my Twitter friends are mainly girls my age or older men (and they're not creepy or weird incase you were wondering. They're great people who I even sometimes bump into around Dublin or at events, and are in the area of work I'm looking to go into, hence why I found them interesting to begin with).

Thanks.

P.S. Sorry this was long.

Lux23

I was the exact same when I was your age, I always went for people that were wrong for me. Having said that I enjoyed messng around with different men and glad I did now that I've met 'the one'.

Tokyo

alwaysanagegap wrote: »

I like men who I can engage with in a great conversation, who will expand my mind and visa versa. I want someone who has passion for something (for example, one of the men I had a crush on is passionate about helping those really struggling in the third world, and is the charity's ambassador). I can't seem to find that in people my age.

By the sounds of what you say OP, you aren't necessarily attracted to -older- men per se, but what you find attractive in a man is intelligence and maturity which matches your own, and the ability to engage you in conversation, which in my opinion, aren't bad things to want at all. However at 19, they can be difficult to find.

It sounds like you are mature for your age, and the good news at least is that as you get older, the apparent differences you notice in maturity will get less and less as the guys your age catch up to you, so to speak. But for now, one possibility I can think of for you to find more like minded people would be to look into what clubs and societies are in your area and see if there is one for a field of knowledge that you are interested in. If you are in college then there are usually plenty of options available. Join up and take part - you'll find that people of all ages take part in these societies, and I would imagine that you will find people much closer to your own age with interests similar to your own.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys!

To be honest I wouldn't think of myself as much more mature than others my age, but then again I kind-of forced myself to grow up a bit when I was 16/17 (long story). It's just so frustrating because now I see my friends finding people to share their lives with and a lot of them are in serious relationships. Of course I want that too, but it just hasn't happened.

I will try joining some societies though! I'm not sure if I have enough time at the moment (I'm doing some training and work experience outside of college and should be starting a podcast series soon too, so I'm a busy bee) but I'll make sure to try get around to it soon.