Not bothered with approaching girls

LegacyUser

My issue is that I am absolutely useless with women. I am 23 years old and have been a shy kinda guy for as long as I can remember. I've been in one long relationship, lasting just over 3 years until I was 21. Since then, I haven't even had a date. It's weird - it's like I couldn't be bothered. I'd like to think my sex drive is pretty high so that isn't the issue. I think it's just the feeling of discomfort and shyness that makes me avoid wanting to try impress a girl. Possibly rejection aswell. The last relationship I was in was ended by text by my ex, which really hit me hard. People tell me i'm a decent looking guy, but I've had a few bad things said to me about my looks and it's like I only remember the bad things so my confidence is shot. For example last night a girl looked at me and said "are you even 18". I do have quite a young face, but she said it in a bitchy way.

I see other people talking to girls like it's the most natural thing in the world. But girls like a confident guy, how can I build attraction when i'm lacking in this so badly? I go to a club and I don't even attempt to dance with any girls because of the uncomfortable feelings I get thinking about rejection. Every single time I've gone out for the last year, I've left the club early because I just couldn't be bothered trying anymore. This should be the best time of my life for getting good with girls, dating etc etc. How do I make myself want to approach girls, and not care about rejection or her saying nasty things?

Fentdog84

basically you need to just relax and have a good time. If you are feeling nervous and anxious thats probably being picked up on. Theres no easy way around it, if you want to meet someone you have to approach them. Sure you will get experience rejection from time to time but you cant let that get to you. just focus on having a good time when you're out rather than what other people think of you.

Youzername

People (wimins) can be harsh on bloke trying to chat them up on a night out, particularly considering the amount of lads that probably go up to them over the course of a night, so I wouldn't take it too personally.

Unfortunately rejection is part of the deal really, so again, don't take it too seriously and laugh it off is my best advice.

I've seen lads go around a club and get rejected 10/15 times, but in the end perseverance pays off for them at some point!

Not something I'd ever do, but there ya go.

Also, try to speak to them as if you were talking to one of your mates, because if you go up thinking in your head that you want to 'score' this girl your just going to psyche yourself out.

I'm just like you to be honest bud, a bit shy and I wouldn't be particularly great at approaching women.

I find it, it much easier to talk to 'friends of friends', or someone who you have being introduced to in some form or another. So if thats an option, try that

In general talking to a complete stranger is much much harder, like, how do you like it when some randomer comes over an barges in on your conversation? :pac:

Stavro Mueller

Not everyone will agree with me of course but I consider nightclubs to be terrible places for meeting people. Especially if you are a bit shy and feel awkward. In my experience, lots of people have met their boyfriends/girlfriends through friends. If you're just chatting away in a pub or somewhere else with your friends, you're more likely to be relaxed and more "you". You could try taking up a sport or other activities that also have girls involved. You never know where that would lead

Est28

Ok... aside from the "nightclubs are a horrible place to meet women" arguement.... (technically, they are, but its not like it's done any other way in Ireland and those lamenting it are those also not good at it...)...

... you're problem is this...

... you want to do something but have not done it before and are nervous.
... generally when you do something a few times, you're a bit crap the first few times and then you "get it" and it's no longer a big deal.

So all these guys you mention with confidence. Honestly? They faked it 'til they maked it... to steal a cliche. You just have to do it. Sounds stupidly simple but also daunting doesn't it? But it's true.

You can't magically have confidence in doing something you are not used to doing, you can only do it and gain confidence... remember the first time you sat behind the wheel of a car? Terrified? Now years later its hardly a big deal.

Overheal

OP if you aren't interested in pursuing women, how do you spend your time? Are you in college, working, have many hobbies?

Frankly if I took on a relationship my head might explode. College got to the point where I had to drop work to transfer to University, then I started pledging to a fraternity (its an american thing. dont ask) so my itinerary is rather packed.