bullying in the workplace

LegacyUser

HI im gonna keep this short as possible. Please appreciate I cant give away too much detail. I am working in a temporary job. I have a good degree etc but cant find work in this area. My boss is bullying me and I want to leave but I was out of work for 6 months before this and cant afford to. I also don't qualify for jobseekers allowance.
One incident that occurred it that she gave out to me for something she was in the wrong for and when I pulled her up on it . She said she would have to murder someone to be fired and if I tell anyone ill lose my job... I had it out with her and hope we can start a fresh . She has bullied people before and I have seen her doing it to a girl that left so I know it is bullying. Im afraid she wont stop after today. what can I do ?

Tokyo

Hi OP,

Your boss has certainly crossed the line, and then some. One thing to make a mistake in her work, quite another to threaten you with your job should you open your mouth about it...

it's a little difficult to give you advice considering how vague your post is (I understand why it has to be), but is the place you work the kind of place that you could go to the HR department and have a chat with them about your bosses behaviour? From what you describes she sounds like a serial offender, and thrives on pushing people she deems below her around. And if you don't nip this in the bud now, there is a good chance that it will continue.

If it's a smaller setup, where you don't really have anyone to talk to above your boss, then you might want to start making discrete inquiries about other jobs out there....

LegacyUser

mike_ie wrote: »

Hi OP,

Your boss has certainly crossed the line, and then some. One thing to make a mistake in her work, quite another to threaten you with your job should you open your mouth about it...

it's a little difficult to give you advice considering how vague your post is (I understand why it has to be), but is the place you work the kind of place that you could go to the HR department and have a chat with them about your bosses behaviour? From what you describes she sounds like a serial offender, and thrives on pushing people she deems below her around. And if you don't nip this in the bud now, there is a good chance that it will continue.

If it's a smaller setup, where you don't really have anyone to talk to above your boss, then you might want to start making discrete inquiries about other jobs out there....

Without going into it its the type of job once you are in you are there for life.. ? Shes already told me if I go above her I wont get another contract... I ve started recording things.. if things continue ill have to leave but I will write a report. She has been accused of this before and she said herself "unless she murdered someone she s not going to lose her job" very frustrating. ........... ! Im her new victim .. lucky me ! Thanks for reply

Tokyo

You may want to be careful about the whole "recording things" - there may be certain legal issues about that which you might want to look into first. But I would certainly keep a notepad under lock and key of times and dates of instances that you felt bullied, and what exactly she said at the time.

At the moment she's bullying you in your work, and not only is she doing that, but she's threatening you should you decider to do anything about it. In my experience people like that feel comfortable in their position because they have always gotten away with it, and it may be down to you to step up. Ultimately what you do is up to you, but I can only recommend that you do call her out on these tactics, and go through the proper channels of reporting her. Your boss might find that her job isn't as safe as she thinks it is....

ABajaninCork

I think the OP meant they were keeping a diary. At least I HOPE that's what they meant!

LegacyUser

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I think the OP meant they were keeping a diary. At least I HOPE that's what they meant!

Yes ha! it is a diary only started it last week but its got plenty in it already. I feel a bit childish saying im being bullied as im not that young but it really is affecting me !

Tokyo

bulliedatwork wrote: »

I feel a bit childish saying im being bullied as im not that young

Why? You are there to do a job, and to be treated as a professional as you would treat others. You are NOT there to be someone else's whipping boy because it's the only way they know how to feel important. It affects how you do your job, and it affects your life outside of the workplace.

Your boss is completely in the wrong, and ultimately her bullying behaviour will impact the company negatively in some way, and companies are not blind to that risk as you might think. You are doing the right thing - keep a log of all incidents which seem inappropriate or bullying - including incidents in the past such as the threat against a future there is you complain. And then present these to your superiors or to HR and make a formal complaint.

You have rights. Don't be afraid to exercise them.

Sandimandi

Bullying is rife in Irish corporate life, it's so subtle and professionally administered that it's hard to detect.

It's hard to tell from your post what's going on but my only advise is obviously never take crap unless you benefit in the long run

ABajaninCork

bulliedatwork wrote: »

Yes ha! it is a diary only started it last week but its got plenty in it already. I feel a bit childish saying im being bullied as im not that young but it really is affecting me !

Nothing childish about what's happening. Bullying in the workplace is a very real problem. Happens everywhere, not just Ireland. Trouble is, it's very hard to prove, but once proven - That's when you see things happen.

Est28

bulliedatwork wrote: »

HI im gonna keep this short as possible. Please appreciate I cant give away too much detail. I am working in a temporary job. I have a good degree etc but cant find work in this area. My boss is bullying me and I want to leave but I was out of work for 6 months before this and cant afford to. I also don't qualify for jobseekers allowance.
One incident that occurred it that she gave out to me for something she was in the wrong for and when I pulled her up on it . She said she would have to murder someone to be fired and if I tell anyone ill lose my job... I had it out with her and hope we can start a fresh . She has bullied people before and I have seen her doing it to a girl that left so I know it is bullying. Im afraid she wont stop after today. what can I do ?

I've got to say this up front before anyone jumps on what I'll say next. Bullying in the workplace (or anywhere) is not a joke and VERY serious.

But... are you being a bit over-sensitive here?
Bosses by the very nature of their job "tell you what to do"!. Yes, they often take credit for your individual work because you are part of their team, so your success is the teams success which is ultimately seen as their success.

Bosses are frequently wrong. In my job, my boss oversees many teams doing different jobs. He doesn't know the ins and outs of every little thing we all do. And he often gets the wrong end of the stick about things. But he is my superior... I don't "call him out" on things. It's not how it works. If a boss IS wrong then sometimes it's best to just smile and nod and get on with it. Other times if you NEED to correct them, then there are ways to be diplomatic about it, that is how the workplace works, you can't "confront" people about things, especially not your boss.

I've see many people come and go over time who feel they are above their station and will stand up and shout down and critisize their boss. They have a real problem with authority. They don't last long. By no means am I saying you need to be a "yes-man" but like I said... in any job there are ways to be diplomatic and professional and confrontation isn't one of them.

Maybe you need to step back and look at the situation and if you reacted correctly.

Also... about "threatening your job". I find it odd how you worded this. Your boss has a right to hire and fire the right staff. If you are not doing the right work or are being confrontational or otherwise disrupting the team, you will not be a good fit. Therefore, a boss while not "threatening" has every right to evaluate your position if there is a problem.

I also find it odd how THEIR position came up in conversation. I don't think anyone would just say what they said without being prompted. Are you giving us the full story OP? How did that topic come up? Did you threaten to report your boss or otherwise get them in trouble for them to go on the defensive about what it would take to "have them fired". Again, really not a good career move.

Especially if this is a corporate job... it's true... your reputation will follow you. And the repuation will be as a disruptive team member who does not work well or take instruction well within a team.

IrishEyes19

Est28 wrote: »

I've got to say this up front before anyone jumps on what I'll say next. Bullying in the workplace (or anywhere) is not a joke and VERY serious.

But... are you being a bit over-sensitive here?
Bosses by the very nature of their job "tell you what to do"!. Yes, they often take credit for your individual work because you are part of their team, so your success is the teams success which is ultimately seen as their success.

Bosses are frequently wrong. In my job, my boss oversees many teams doing different jobs. He doesn't know the ins and outs of every little thing we all do. And he often gets the wrong end of the stick about things. But he is my superior... I don't "call him out" on things. It's not how it works. If a boss IS wrong then sometimes it's best to just smile and nod and get on with it. Other times if you NEED to correct them, then there are ways to be diplomatic about it, that is how the workplace works, you can't "confront" people about things, especially not your boss.

I've see many people come and go over time who feel they are above their station and will stand up and shout down and critisize their boss. They have a real problem with authority. They don't last long. By no means am I saying you need to be a "yes-man" but like I said... in any job there are ways to be diplomatic and professional and confrontation isn't one of them.

Maybe you need to step back and look at the situation and if you reacted correctly.

Also... about "threatening your job". I find it odd how you worded this. Your boss has a right to hire and fire the right staff. If you are not doing the right work or are being confrontational or otherwise disrupting the team, you will not be a good fit. Therefore, a boss while not "threatening" has every right to evaluate your position if there is a problem.

I also find it odd how THEIR position came up in conversation. I don't think anyone would just say what they said without being prompted. Are you giving us the full story OP? How did that topic come up? Did you threaten to report your boss or otherwise get them in trouble for them to go on the defensive about what it would take to "have them fired". Again, really not a good career move.

Especially if this is a corporate job... it's true... your reputation will follow you. And the repuation will be as a disruptive team member who does not work well or take instruction well within a team.

I find that if a boss had to say "Id have to murder someone in order go get fired" they know exactly what they are doing is wrong.

I dont buy this over-sensitive theory. As for threatening to report her, if your being bullied, why cant you? Its an absolute joke in society today, someone has to become a whipping post because a boss is off limits for reporting.

Starokan

Its a very difficult situation you are in , I would suggest see how things progress since you called her up on the issues and if it continues then proceed to escalate matters.

By this I mean first email her directly as you immediate boss outlining the bullying you feel is taking place, request a meeting with her to discuss , she will have to grant you this and if you are not happy with how it goes I would suggest you request a similar meeting with a senior manager.

Its your best recourse, once you do this senior management will keep an eye on the situation. It may make things awkward for a while but its better than just letting it continue.

LegacyUser

Est28 wrote: »

I've got to say this up front before anyone jumps on what I'll say next. Bullying in the workplace (or anywhere) is not a joke and VERY serious.

But... are you being a bit over-sensitive here?
Bosses by the very nature of their job "tell you what to do"!. Yes, they often take credit for your individual work because you are part of their team, so your success is the teams success which is ultimately seen as their success.

Bosses are frequently wrong. In my job, my boss oversees many teams doing different jobs. He doesn't know the ins and outs of every little thing we all do. And he often gets the wrong end of the stick about things. But he is my superior... I don't "call him out" on things. It's not how it works. If a boss IS wrong then sometimes it's best to just smile and nod and get on with it. Other times if you NEED to correct them, then there are ways to be diplomatic about it, that is how the workplace works, you can't "confront" people about things, especially not your boss.

I've see many people come and go over time who feel they are above their station and will stand up and shout down and critisize their boss. They have a real problem with authority. They don't last long. By no means am I saying you need to be a "yes-man" but like I said... in any job there are ways to be diplomatic and professional and confrontation isn't one of them.

Maybe you need to step back and look at the situation and if you reacted correctly.

Also... about "threatening your job". I find it odd how you worded this. Your boss has a right to hire and fire the right staff. If you are not doing the right work or are being confrontational or otherwise disrupting the team, you will not be a good fit. Therefore, a boss while not "threatening" has every right to evaluate your position if there is a problem.

I also find it odd how THEIR position came up in conversation. I don't think anyone would just say what they said without being prompted. Are you giving us the full story OP? How did that topic come up? Did you threaten to report your boss or otherwise get them in trouble for them to go on the defensive about what it would take to "have them fired". Again, really not a good career move.

Especially if this is a corporate job... it's true... your reputation will follow you. And the repuation will be as a disruptive team member who does not work well or take instruction well within a team.

No I am not being hypersentitive.. she was doing something in the wrong and I gave me out to me for doing my work while she was doing something wrong and not in line with the policy. I cant go into detail for obvious reasons.. when I said I was upset over the way she spoke to me about it she said "your opening a can of worms here" and if you tell someone bla di bla.... as I said above.. I was threatened...

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the supportive replies. Today I just ignored her and she was being over nice to me... well see how long it lasts.. I spoke to someone and she has moved plenty times for bullying people she just cant be fired... literally as she said unless she murders someone... the thing is there is one girl in my section who has started giving me a hard time since this started and I don't know why.. she ignores me when I speak, suggests plans without including me in the conversation.. etc.. is rude and just horrible. I cant help thinking its all connected and it only started when this started ! its unbearable at the moment.. I tried talking to her and she ignored me and walked away.. then carried on .... I feel like theres an underlying current there... and I don't know what to do.. im a good worker no issues with work or time etc..so I don't know !

LegacyUser

OP I worked for a bullying boss previously and the way it went was that other workers were happy once it wasn't them in the firing line of the bully and they tried to stay on their good side. If this meant they also became involved subtly with the bullying then that's what happened. I would imagine this is what is going on with your co-worker.

Keep written records of everything that happens and go to a more senior manager if it continues. Bullying has a terrible effect on people and shouldn't be tolerated. Unfortunately despite all the legislation in place, it does still go on.

Best of luck

Est28

Bulliedatwork wrote: »

No I am not being hypersentitive.. she was doing something in the wrong and I gave me out to me for doing my work while she was doing something wrong and not in line with the policy. I cant go into detail for obvious reasons.. when I said I was upset over the way she spoke to me about it she said "your opening a can of worms here" and if you tell someone bla di bla.... as I said above.. I was threatened...

I'm sorry to read into it, but someone generally doesn't do on the defensive and defend their OWN job unless they were threatened.
Did you threaten to report your manager? This is a VERY dicey area to get into...

It just sounds very one sided. We've all had those bosses who we thought were out to get us, but it's just the way they are with everyone.

If you are having problems getting along with other team members too, I'd strongly suggest you take a step back. Especially in a corporate world, burning bridges with people is never a good idea as it will follow you through your career whereever you go.

I'm sorry, this story just doesn't all add up to me. Why is she now being nice as pie to you? It does't make sense and I feel we're not hearing the full story.

Bullying is VERY serious but this sounds like someone thinking their are above their station.
If you won't give us further details on the incident or the situation which arose it's very hard to side with you. It sounds like your boss asked you to do something or was unhappy with your work and instead of falling in line and being a team player, you decided to stand up to them.

While it's good to stand up for yourself, as I said, there is a way of dealing with these things in a professional way to gain respect.

LegacyUser

Est28 wrote: »

I'm sorry, this story just doesn't all add up to me. Why is she now being nice as pie to you? It does't make sense and I feel we're not hearing the full story.

.

Este you obviously have never been in a situation where you were bullied - lucky you! I was and this is the way my boss used to operate too. They would be horrible to me until they knew they had gone too far or I called them up on it, and then they would be overly nice for a while. Then it would revert back to the old ways again because that was their personality.
I am guessing this may be the same situation here.

LegacyUser

Est28 wrote: »

I'm sorry to read into it, but someone generally doesn't do on the defensive and defend their OWN job unless they were threatened.
Did you threaten to report your manager? This is a VERY dicey area to get into...

It just sounds very one sided. We've all had those bosses who we thought were out to get us, but it's just the way they are with everyone.

If you are having problems getting along with other team members too, I'd strongly suggest you take a step back. Especially in a corporate world, burning bridges with people is never a good idea as it will follow you through your career whereever you go.

I'm sorry, this story just doesn't all add up to me. Why is she now being nice as pie to you? It does't make sense and I feel we're not hearing the full story.

Bullying is VERY serious but this sounds like someone thinking their are above their station.
If you won't give us further details on the incident or the situation which arose it's very hard to side with you. It sounds like your boss asked you to do something or was unhappy with your work and instead of falling in line and being a team player, you decided to stand up to them.

While it's good to stand up for yourself, as I said, there is a way of dealing with these things in a professional way to gain respect.

You have the wrong end of the stick here... it has absoloutly nothing to do with my work... she puts me down in front of the other team . nit picks at me for things that nothing to do with work ..I cant go into detail here.. there is a long history of bullying here.. I saw her bullying a girl in my team before she left.. a couple of weeks past and she started on me... I am not above my station but i don't accept bullying... i have been crying in work all week.. over her anger and comments at me...