How much time is enough time???

Brave face

I've been seeing a guy for couple of years. When we started out it was great and he was really attentive & chatty. Now I find that he has become the complete opposite & I seem to be doing all the work contact wise etc to keep the relationship going. I recently told him how I feel & what I expect if we are going to continue by way of text. I got no reply other than he needed time.

I'm a straight forward type of gal & if someone asks me to make an effort & I'm willing I don't need to think about it! I'm thinking he doesn't wanna be the one to end it.

So my question is
Time for what?
And how much time do u give?

Penny Tration

Tbh they're both things you should be asking him, we can't know what he meant by asking for time.

Do you feel appreciated, wanted, happy and cared for? Or are you desperately trying to convince him to speak to you?

If it's the latter, lay it out through a phone call (not a text, they're too easy to miscommunicate through), and give him a chance to make an effort.

For what it's worth, I don't think he needs 'time' to make an effort. If he wants to, he can do it immediately.

susie14

tbh if he is not arsed to reply to your last text or even phone or say "chat later" I would be well pissed. hate texting serious chats so much room for miscommunication. meet him face to face and have this chat. his face will tell you more than any words/texts. you deserve to know where you stand.

susie14

apologies I see he DID reply that he needed time. is there a chance something else is up? something serious he doesn't want you to worry about or burden you with. still thinking asking for a face to face meeting is the only way. you can read him better then.

Merkin

Brave face wrote: »

I seem to be doing all the work contact wise etc to keep the relationship going. I recently told him how I feel & what I expect if we are going to continue by way of text. I got no reply other than he needed time.

Sorry OP but this doesn't sound like it has legs. It seems like he doesn't actually want to be the one to break it off with you so is instead phasing you our by not instigating contact and being emotionally unavailable. A happy relationship shouldn't take this amount of hard work.

If you are straightforward as you say, why don't you meet up with him and actually ask him if he still wants to be in a relationship with you? Because his actions are suggesting no.

sadie06

Brave face wrote: »

I've been seeing a guy for couple of years. When we started out it was great and he was really attentive & chatty. Now I find that he has become the complete opposite & I seem to be doing all the work contact wise etc to keep the relationship going. I recently told him how I feel & what I expect if we are going to continue by way of text. I got no reply other than he needed time.

Sorry, I'm confused. You are together two years, but you decided to say this by text? Have you actually spoken to him about your concerns?

heretochat

Sounds like he has given up on the relationship to be honest but is being too cowardly to say so..

And after 2 years, who communicates about something this improtant through texting??

Brego888

Yeah I agree with the above. After 2 years you are using text to discuss this?? You need a face to face to deal with important issues like that.

Tokyo

Seeing as you don't mention anything that might have triggered your boyfriend's reaction (depression, a death in the family, etc), it's hard to say if any external factors could be a factor here. Having said that, if you can't think of any obvious triggers, it sounds like he just may not be as invested in the relationship as you are anymore, sad to say In my eyes at least, it seems quite possible that he wants out, but doesn't have the balls to break it off himself, and is pushing you away in the hope that you'll get the hint/get frustrated enough to do the walking away.

Obviously, the only way you are going to find this out for sure is to call him out on it, and to sit down and have a frank and honest discussion about where your relationship is, the way his actions are affecting it, and whether or not it has a future. And go from there.

Brave face

Thanks all
I know that we should be communicating face to face & not text. I sent it in a message out of frustration & thought (stupidly) that if i spelt it out in black & white & was not nagging he would understand how I was feeling.

There is nothing else that I am aware of going on to cause the change - but thats not to say there isnt someting.

I am not a patient type of person & think most people on here are right he should not need time to know that he wants to continue or put in the effort. So a meet up will be on the cards soon bu I want to respect him & give him time he needs but without knowing exactly what he needs the time for and how much its quite hard not to feel hurt.

Merkin

Well the "time" that he speaks of hasn't actually been defined so he could mean a day, he could mean infinitely.

I'd be nipping this nonsense in the bud and just meet him. I understand you're conscious of respecting his request for time (sorry, but :rolleyes:) but I'd be putting myself first in this instance and establishing whether he wishes to continue.

Brave face

Well the "time" that he speaks of hasn't actually been defined so he could mean a day, he could mean infinitely.

True I could be waiting forever!