Friend has changed, worried for her son.

LegacyUser

My friend and I were both single mums and relied on each other a lot for supportive chats etc. About a year ago she changed, became very secretive and never answered her phone.
It transpired she had a Live in boyfriend. I found him loud and ignorant when I met him, plus his past history (violence, jail, crack) was not the best.
It has been downhill for her the past year. I cant go into much detail but now the 2 of them are addicted to an OTC drug . She travels miles to chemists for this stuff,he drives up to Dublin twice a week to get it also, and both of them are incapable of minding her eleven year old son. I had not seem her for a few weeks and when I called into her house last week I we shocked at how much everything had deteriorated. 2.30PM and them all sitting in the dark in a dirty house , the adults completely off their heads. Flies and bags of rubbish everywhere.
She has family, but they don't seem to concerned, and they don't know how bad the situation has become. We are both in our 30s .
That picture is staying with me of her son having to sTay in a house with mould and flies and rubbish everywhere. I think its my concience she says she will kill herself if anyone took her child. She is too far gone to have a talk with her when things started to get bad I tried talking to her, but she never took my advice, or took me up on overs to babysit or help clean up her house.
I'm really conflicted over what the best thing to doi n this situation and would appreciate some advice.

Neyite

No brainer IMO. Call social services. This is neglect.

Being a parent is a privilege, not a right. And right now, she is putting addiction and her partner first to the detriment of her child.

2rkehij30qtza5

What's more important here?- her 'needs' or the safety of her child? Call social services asap

Gatling

Social services and a quick call to the guards child in directly in danger

chefwes

I sympathise with your situation but the welfare of the child is paramount , call the guards and speak to social services before something tragic happens you have a duty to your friend but more importantly that little boy to make sure he is safe , unharmed and in a healthy environment .

CaraMay

Get the poor child out if there now!!!! I can't believe he has spent another week in that misery because you have done nothing. Call the guards tonight.

LegacyUser

This happened on Sat to be precise. I have had an unexpected death in family and another very sad situation to deal with, for which I am in counseling, I have been very unwell lately also and take your remark quite personally Caramay.
I posted here for conformation of what I believe I have to do. The on other person who knows is my late teens daughter, who says "you can't report her mum". I'm quite isolated here and just needed to here what others thought, thanks, it will be done.

LegacyUser

Thanks to the others that replied also. My head has been wrecked with this for 2 days. I know I need to so something ASAP.
I would prefer to do it anonymously as I'm in fear of her boyfriend.
I do believe she would try kill herself, which worries me also.
Is there somewhere online I could report anon?

Gatling

worried about friend wrote: »

"you can't report her mum".

Got absolutely nothing to do with your teen daughter sorry but your the concerned parent she's herself is only a child ,

Do the right thing and please ring straight away,

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I went through similar experience, definitely ring social services but unfortunately the chances are very little will be done.

I had to ring many times and one example is

when I went to the door and the mother answered she had blood on her jeans and was out of her head on heroin with other addicts in the house, during day with a 1 year old child

I rang social services who were "dealing" with the case and they replied

out of a scale of 1-10 how serious is it worth me coming out?

In the end I took the child.


Im not knocking social services as they are stretched, just dont expect anything unfortunately

fineso.mom

Your friend is an adult who, unfortunately has made bad choices. Her son is a child with no choice. Call the HSE, if you don't want to give your name then don't. They will take action regardless. If it was the other way around wouldn't you want your friend to stand up for your child?

CaraMay

worried about friend wrote: »

This happened on Sat to be precise. I have had an unexpected death in family and another very sad situation to deal with, for which I am in counseling, I have been very unwell lately also and take your remark quite personally Caramay.
I posted here for conformation of what I believe I have to do. The on other person who knows is my late teens daughter, who says "you can't report her mum". I'm quite isolated here and just needed to here what others thought, thanks, it will be done.

I'm sorry for your loss op

I glad you have decided to act. Too many children I this country have not been protected as people didn't want to rock the boat. We need to protect our kids.

angeline

Just ring the guards re your concerns, you will have to give them your info as othrrwise people could be ringing with inaccurate info. Ask them not to say it was you who made contact but that child needs help and social services without delay. Just one phone call.

m'lady

You can ring anonymously OP. I do know it's a case that it's treated more seriously if more than one person calls to them... I don't think you should be letting this drag on- there is a child involved as you know unfortunately. Would speaking to her family and telling them your concerns make any difference?

Merkin

I dug up some information on the practicalities involved OP. Whether you choose to report anonymously or not, the HSE will not disclose your identity to the people you have reported.

I can understand that there would be some residual loyalty given that the woman has been a friend but in this instance you absolutely have to think of the tot involved. Who is showing him loyalty or compassion in this instance? I would hazard a guess: nobody. The poor kid is probably totally at sea, I should imagine confused, undernourished and probably frightened and regardless of your relationship with the mother, it really is you civic and moral duty to make the authorities aware of the environment the child is being exposed to.

Have a read of the following:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/services_and_supports_for_children/child_abuse.html

I appreciate it is a difficult situation but this isn't actually about you any more, it is all about a child who probably has nobody to turn to.

sadie06

If you wanted to add a bit more weight to your complaint, it may be worth phoning the child's school and talking to his teacher, telling her of the situation. She/he would be best placed to talk to the child and find out how he is coping. They may, of course, already be aware of this. You could identify yourself, but ask that your call never be revealed to the mother.

Then, there could be a double pronged approach from you and the school when reporting it to the authorities.

I don't envy you at all. It just is not as simple as some other posters are making out, particularly when you are fearful of the aftermath. Also, the sad reality is that if he is being fed, clothed and turning up to school, very little will be done. If the property is a genuine health hazard, he may be taken temporarily and she will be given an ultimatum to get the house in order before his return.

I witnessed a case recently where there had been mother-on-son violence witnessed by many. When it was reported, he was taken away, and within a day her extended family arrived and gutted the house of rubbish, mowed lawns, opened windows, ordered groceries from Tesco online etc. 2 weeks later, the poor child was back in the home. Of course, we don't know what the terms of supervision are.

I only tell you this so you don't expect a perfect outcome. It may be the wake up call your friend needs to dump this low-life and get her life back together though, and that would be a good outcome!

Rachiee

It is highly unlikely the child will be taken into care. The social workers will put pressure on her to clean the house and encourage her to address her addiction. They will "monitor" the situation and try get her help. Only if she completely refuses to play ball will they consider a care order.