What to do when it all goes south immediately

LegacyUser

So, going anonymous for this.

Recently got married to my partner, but since we moved in together it's all been absolutely hellish. Unfortunately we didn't have much co-habitation time beforehand, due to our various commitments and geographic distance.

After marrying, moving, and moving in together it is now painfully apparent that he has multiple psychiatric issues that really weren't apparent during our dating time including paranoia, manic episodes, delusions of grandeur and as a result things have become pretty unbearable. Of course, he refuses to accept that he needs any help. I wish I could quantify everything in words, but there are so many small things which sound inconsequential and petty.

I've always been the main provider and am currently supporting him that has something to do with it. He disrespects our home, my money, my time, the fact that I've gotten him work that he can do to keep himself financially to secure for now, the debt I have accrued to set us up. He's hypercritical of everything, and turns everything into how life is unfair to him etc., etc,.

Tonight, after yet another row in which I got blamed for how terrible everything in his life is, I've pretty much had enough. I can't support someone who won't help themselves and is consistently making me feel so down about by myself. I know for my own sake that if I don't cut him out, then I'll end up in a horrible place myself and I cannot let that happen for someone else's benefit. I don't want to sound shallow or like I'm giving up...but if you're already at this stage and there are no sign that it will improve, what other choice do you have.

I guess I'd love to know if anyone else has been down this road and separating soon after a marriage? When did you know it was that point? How did you explain the break up to family and friends? How do you rebuild your life and self-esteem after realising you've made the most expensive mistake (financially and emotionally) of your life?

I've probably missed a lot out but this is as much of a place to vent as anything else, which right about now I need as much as anything else.

pilph

Hi,

Was not married but had a baby together and your post is just a mirror of the situation I was in. I'm a thirtysomething bloke but went through practically everything you mention above.

I got out of it & am now struggling to see my daughter. Please be careful, when I decided to leave life became very tough and my name was blackened. But it was the right decision & people are seeing that now.

Life is short and precious and every day might not be a good one, but should not start knowing it will be a bad one.